Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get wound up by random men making stupid, rude comments when I’m visibly struggling in public?

588 replies

shutityouduffer · 27/05/2026 13:52

This gets me so fuming. Name changed.

Today I have no car with me. I have to collect something from the post office as it’s needed for a family holiday, we’re setting off early tomorrow. For reference it’s a tabletop barbecue. It said on the John Lewis website it was 12kg and I thought I’d be ok to pick it up myself.

I get the parcel and it’s massive, i cant get my arms around it, and turns out the gross weight of the package is over 20kg. iThe post office is only a 10-min walk from mine, so I pick it up and attempt to carry it, awkwardly and in 25 degree weather.

Now this bbq has “SHARKNINJA” written on the side of the box. A man walks past, can see I’m struggling. He chooses to say, very loudly at me, “SHARK NINJA.” I say yes, trying to move past him. He then turns to his mate and says “I should’ve kicked it.” Wtf???? it doesn’t even make sense - what goes through this man’s head?

Another incident last week - I’m walking my golden retriever, he’s a puppy not yet neutered, but dogs on both sides of the road take exception to him and start barking at him (happens a lot with unneutered males) so I whisk him out into the road to avoid both sets of dogs. No traffic. He’s a softy and he paws at me, because he’s stressed (he wants to be picked up for reference). Man on the pavement shouts, again with a mate, “are you sure you can handle that dog?” As I’m trying to get him safely back onto the pavement. Again what is the point??? I don’t even acknowledge it and then his mate shouts after me, “he was only joking!”

AIBU to be sent into a rage by these stupid comments? I should say a couple of (different) men offered to help with the package and were very kind, so I have no general vendetta against men. But it’s never women making unasked for, unhelpful and rude comments when I’m already visibly stressed out…

OP posts:
Poorandbrilliant · 27/05/2026 18:22

Did he say"should have nicked it"?

Triskellion75 · 27/05/2026 18:21

DrRylandGrace · 27/05/2026 14:48

The best way to deal with this is to stop and simply stare them out. See the opening sequence in “Promising Young Woman” when the moronic men try to catcall her. They do this to belittle women and make them feel uncomfortable so you need to face it head on and make them feel uncomfortable instead.

I was literally about to post this but you beat me to it! Cracking film.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 27/05/2026 18:19

I don’t know why but random men rarely approach me these days. Maybe I have resting bitch face. I do ignore any smart comments though.

FluffyRabbitGal · 27/05/2026 18:15

This sort of thing gets right on my nerves. My go to answer to this sort of nonsense is “I don’t know how you expect me to respond to that!” Only once have I deviated from my go to, when I was taking my pet rabbits for a walk on leads in my local park. A jogger stopped me and said “did you know that there are rabbits attached to the end of your leads?” I couldn’t stop myself from saying “oh shit! What the hell has happened ti my dogs?!”. I don’t think he was expecting that! Made me laugh though!

itwasyourshowallalong · 27/05/2026 18:13

sunhat100 · 27/05/2026 17:49

I had a large bag of puppy kibble, along with my arm in a cast at the checkout till when a man said to me, "Have you got a puppy? You should really get a grown up rescue dog in this day and age." I said, "No its my new diet, and thats how I broke my arm - chasing the postman." Shut him up!

You are my hero 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Blades2 · 27/05/2026 18:09

I hate this.

was on an over night ferry, with no sleep, went to get a coffee not long before docking and some idiot man felt the need to tell me “you look like I feel”

swimlyn · 27/05/2026 18:08

Arseholes the lot of 'em. :o)

Yellowpapersun · 27/05/2026 17:49

My mum once said "I hate old men on the bus who think they're funny". I can't remember what had happened but it shows they've always been amongst us! I find a hard stare works well.

sunhat100 · 27/05/2026 17:49

I had a large bag of puppy kibble, along with my arm in a cast at the checkout till when a man said to me, "Have you got a puppy? You should really get a grown up rescue dog in this day and age." I said, "No its my new diet, and thats how I broke my arm - chasing the postman." Shut him up!

CaragianettE · 27/05/2026 17:45

IMakePointsWhichHoldSignificance · 27/05/2026 14:15

"Thank you, Random Man" is the retort you're looking for. Along with 😐

Does this actually work though in making them feel small? If I thought so I’d definitely use it, but tbh it doesn’t feel to me like a particularly sick burn. And I’d rather not thank these twats even sarcastically (not confident they will perceive the sarcasm…)

TheseWordsAreMine · 27/05/2026 17:45

Never make small talk with men you don't know.

If they talk to you, just ignore them like you don't even notice them.

Aluna · 27/05/2026 17:44

I didn’t get past trying to pick up a barbecue from the PO. Just pay for delivery!

Anyway, the phrase is: “thanks random man”.

TriesNotToBeCynical · 27/05/2026 17:41

Feis123 · 27/05/2026 15:20

You are pissed off you can't come back with a witty putdown? Unless comments are rude/racist/misogynist, what is the problem?

Unsolicited comments are by definition rude.

Thiswasanescapeplan · 27/05/2026 17:39

Twisterlollies · 27/05/2026 17:12

Interesting these ‘lonely men’ never try to strike up chat with similarly aged men, or men at all, given the far higher likelihood of it striking up more of an ongoing friendship.

It’s always women, usually alone or with their small children.

Also there was a thread not so long ago- "head turned" where a poor unsuspecting school mum had by chance walked across a car park with the male (married!) OP who was also on school pick up and he was posting because he couldn't get her out of his head.

If you make small talk back there's always a chance they think you're up for it/they're in there/insert manosphere BS

Sigh.

BreadedChickenLips · 27/05/2026 17:34

It's never women who comment I completely agree.

I was running in the heat and a man said 'it's too hot for that', but it really wasn't necessary to comment at all!

Men wonder why there's a men's mental health crisis. It's because they make knob head comments which piss people off!

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/05/2026 17:31

I remember being in a small village shop years ago buying a bar of chocolate...a random man warned me that i would get fat...so tedious.

sunhat100 · 27/05/2026 17:30

FullOfMomsense · 27/05/2026 14:51

YANBU. My ultimate pet peeve and thing I dread in public is men talking without need. They're either shouting or saying idiotic things or telling you their life story. The most annoying is when they drop hints as if they expect you to ask about them. A man at the till in the supermarket recently turned around to me and said "I bet you're wondering why I'm buying so many loaves of bread" Which I pretended I didn't hear. He then told me he buys them for a local community centre, and as if fed up of waiting for me to ask about it, he huffed and tried to get the cashier to agree how rude I was! Fuck off! I don't give a shit about your 3 loaves of bread! I'm not going to applaud you for spending £2.50 on your local community centre's bread reserves!

Should have said, "You need a couple of bottles of water to turn into wine now"

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/05/2026 17:28

Two general elections ago I had a male canvasser for the Conservatives knock on the door and ask to speak to my husband. I responded that "Married women have had the vote for about a hundred years" in my most cutting voice. He soon shut up.
Hardly surprising though, given that the candidate was Rees Mogg.

bedfrog · 27/05/2026 17:22

CarrieMoonbeams · 27/05/2026 16:07

I used to have a St Bernard dog. His breeder had sadly given him up when he was no good for the show ring so he was an adult when we got him and beautifully trained on the lead.

To be fair, I suppose we did look rather comical together as he was enormous and I am small (5'0" in thick socks) but you would not believe how many times men - always men - felt the need to shout to me "Who's taking who for a walk?" I always used to reply "Huh? How do you mean?" and they'd just repeat it, so I'd say "No, sorry, I still don't get it " and if they said it again I'd say "Well, I'm taking him for a walk, obviously, because he's a dog and I'm a person" with a puzzled look on my face. It was tremendous watching them looking more and more awkward 😁. I hoped they'd think again in future before shouting their inane comments at anyone else.

Miss my big lad 💔

Edited

I absolutely love this. I've done it when men tell rape jokes as well. It really makes them squirm and hopefully think about what they're saying

B1anche · 27/05/2026 17:20

About 15 years ago I turned my ankle stepping down a kerb when I was out running. It was very painful (which must have been clear from my face) and I started limping slowly away. A man who had witnessed this wandered over (I naively assumed he would ask if I was ok or needed help) but he proceeded to smugly tell me that this is precisely why running is so bad for you and that my body will be knackered by the time I'm 50 (it isn't!). He was smoking a cigarette and looked like he'd never done a minute's exercise in his life.

Fizzybluewater · 27/05/2026 17:19

Lindy2 · 27/05/2026 14:05

I assume the kicking comment refers to a Ninja martial arts type move.

I guess they might be trying to be friendly in a misguided sort of way. An actual offer of help would obviously be much more welcome.

You're too nice for your own good. They were being total knobs and men like that need to keep their 'funny' wisecracks to themselves.

Inmyuggs · 27/05/2026 17:17

hypnovic · 27/05/2026 14:23

Men are dicks and nearly every mumsnet thread confirms this

🤣🤣🤣

Twinkylightsg · 27/05/2026 17:16

Depending on my mood would either mildly annoy me or it wouldn't. Just seems like stupid comments 🤷‍♀️I'd just get on with my day. With the shark ninja one I'd prob said watch out hiyaaaa!😅

BonjourCrisette · 27/05/2026 17:16

DD (aged 19, looks young for her age and could easily be assumed to be 16ish) was waiting at Euston the other day for a train. Two men in their mid to late twenties (she thinks) came up to her and one said 'you're so beautiful but your posture is terrible'. I mean WTF. Luckily she doesn't take any crap and said 'Fuck you, I don't want your pointless opinion', put her headphones back on and ignored them.

Buggabootwo · 27/05/2026 17:16

I was once queuing behind a middle aged lady who was clearly on her last nerve when some twat made one of these comments to her. I can’t remember it, but I can very clearly remember her looking at him and asking him to repeat it, then repeat it again, then explain it to her, then shake her head and ask him to repeat it. Over and over and over again. Even my buttocks were clenched with secondhand embarrassment for him.

I have never admired a woman more!