I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

Well yes, most people enjoy not having to work for money.

There is so many other good times ahead. You built a very close bond, it only grows through the tiredness.

Sitting in the car with your teenager crying because you're laughing so much at the funny stories they are telling you. Listening to them actually have an incredibly intelligent opinion that they can back up.
Travelling to amazing places with them and they are actually old enough to take it in and appreciate the wonder of the world.

Every age brings its own joy, @Whereisthegrassasgreen. I am sure you will find it again.

I loved my curious, funny, baffling, frustrating, cuddly toddlers. But glad I went back to work for a rest. Primary years have been tiring (activities! Intense friendships! Other parents!).

But secondary school age is fun. Again, infuriating anf frustrating (yes you have tk wear shoes every day) but they are funny amd I enjoy hanging out with them and talking about all sorts with them.

I hadn't anticipated teenage years to have fun. I appreciate i am not through the exam years yet, there's plenty hard times to come I am sure. But I enjoy them this age. Different to pre school, good in it's own way.

Whereas I used mat leave as an opportunity to get some additional professional quals and start a business which enabled me to work FT while DH worked away 5 days a week. When DD was 18 months he came home and I went back to work FT. Both of our jobs involve travel but at least one of us is always here and DD learned early that mums don’t have to be the default parent/housekeeper. I wouldn’t ever have become a SAHM: my own mother went back to work within a month of me being born and is still working (a choice) well past retirement age.

DD is now 15 and we’ve had some amazing holidays because my income has continued to grow over those years. I have more in pensions than my DH and she can access extra curricular activities freely - which as an only child means she has strong connections with kids of all shapes and colours and sizes. She has a level of resilience from not having everything done for her, appreciates the need to work hard and undertake chores and we all prioritise our time together despite all the various demands and challenges we have.

You couldn’t pay me enough to repeat that time. Having a balance between working and spending quality time with my child worked much better for me. But, I loved my job so that helped.

Did you like your life before having your dd? I wonder if you're a bit depressed- a few sessions with an existential psychotherapist might help you figure out how to enjoy and find more meaning in the non- motherhood parts of your life? I often feel guilty about feeling the opposite to you (similar to a pp in happier the older my kids get, i love my job and dont enjoy the baby/toddler stage) so perhaps there's no escaping some type of negative emotion in the motherhood journey

Not to piss in your cornflakes but at 4 months she's just about ready to hit the first major sleep regression. If she does, I'm sure you'll have moments of understanding why some people, in the depths of despair, might rant about wishing they could return to work. It doesn't mean their child doesn't bring them happiness, it just means that things get hard sometimes and it's difficult to see past it when you're hideously sleep deprived. At 4 months in to what sounds like your first rodeo, there's plenty of time for you to have those thoughts.

That's so lovely to read op

I know how you feel. I had 7 wonderful years as a SAHM. I now have a 14 and 12 year old. Trying to work around their needs/clubs/revision is shit. Teens are expensive and I am constantly worried about money these days. Life is pretty shit to be honest and I’m glad when each day is over. Wish I could go back in time.

Have you posted about this before op?
if not there was a very similar thread a while back
might be worth having a look for it as they sounded very similar to you

I love my children a lot but god I couldn’t wait for them to start full time school. I’m a good mum but not very good at make believe play etc, so that was a chore for me. My favourite times were probably from about age 7 onwards, when they were becoming much more reasonable. They’re in their 20s now and it’s been pretty near perfect since. The older they got the more I liked parenting. Worst bit is the worry for their wellbeing doesn’t stop at any age.

Teenagers are amazing, but particularly older teens. These rounded and interesting young adults with their own expertise (in area you didn’t teach them), their own hobbies (that you wouldn’t even have thought of), their own unique and fully rounded skills. It’s amazing. They still come to you for help and advice and you will always be their “safe person” but they are so rich and deep and fully formed.

OP, you've got some wonderful times ahead with your Dd. You don't realise how lucky you are. I've loved every stage of my DC's growing up. They were both really good kids, and now they're lovely lovely adults. Don't be sad about time you can't get back. Look forward to what's to come.

Oh OP, it’s tough going back to work at whatever stage and takes a while to find your groove. I’m loving half term this week, and I’ve only had two days off with DC but wow have we had a blast!!

I think the bits you enjoy most are really personal. Personally I love the teenage years where it's more about nudging them in the right direction and you can have more grown up conversations. I love a gossip with dd. Others like squishy babies and cute toddlers. There's no rules except everything changes just as you think you've got the hang of it.

I've found having the space to rediscover who I am really important as dd has grown. I've remembered I'm ambitious and creative and got these aspects of my life back on track. Because I'm earning more and work full time dh does (more than) his fair share and I can afford a weekly cleaner.

The years you loved will live on in your memory and your relationship. If you let that grow and flourish there's great times ahead. Different but wonderful.

I loved being a SAHM . And while DH made good money to afford it we also made sacrifices to enable it . So no holidays for awhile but I didn't really feel the need for one and DH was just happy to be off work . Plus youngest was a terrible traveller so not a pleasant time anyway . Drove a cheap car , made do with things I had so no replacing furniture or buying unnecessary stuff . It was great and yes the happiest time of my life .

Are you one and done? Sounds like you love the baby/toddler age.

My little boy is 19 months, I've always tried to appreciate every moment and never wished time away.

But remember you have your financial security now.

You will see her becoming the woman you've helped her to be.

Yes I had to work, I think one of my saddest memories is lying on the bed, hugging my eight month old DD and begging her to forgive me for going back to work the next day. God my eyes are filling up thinking about it and she's a mum now. I think she's forgiven me.

I completely understand, OP- my kids are young adults now but I still remember how wonderful that time was. It goes so fast.

Obviously it's a cliche but all you can do is remember that you'll also look back on this time as having gone too fast, so try to enjoy the moment rather than spending it in regret.