I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

For me, may sound a bit weird, but the best thing was when my young teen daughter stood up for her friend, who had been a version of "slut shamed". She got a lot of shit for it too. I was so proud of her. When the kids pass their exams too, that's a great feeling. They bring so much into your life as teenagers. It's not park trips and jam tarts but it's amazing! You've so much to look forward to.

I’ll probably be lynched for saying this and sorry if it’s an issue but what about another baby ?!! Relive it !

Some people have trickier/more colicky/clingy/non-sleeping/neurodiverse children and just need a break. Mat leave was genuinely awful for me, but I look at some other babies and understand why some mothers really enjoyed their time off work. Other kids from my NCT group slept more than 45 mins at a time (at night), didn't spend hours shrieking, and could sit down peacefully for stretches of time. I didn't get a moment's peace until I returned to work (I went back early at 6 months).

Even now (she is almost 2), she constantly wants to be on me with 100% of my attention (which I do give) but she doesn't want to bake or go anywhere. She wants to just be on my hip 100% of the time and it's incredibly draining after the initial loveliness. She also cosleeps and is breastfed. 8 hours of work is like a holiday for me to recharge, have hot food/drink, and be treated as a human in my own right and have my body to myself. I also enjoy my job and having the financial freedom to separate if I ever needed to.

Not trying to dismiss your experience but just explain what motivates other mums to reflect differently on their time with children. It's not all nurture, she came out the womb spicy 😆

And fwiw it’s great you’ve gone back to work

It’s only great for those who want to do it. There’s nothing intrinsically great or virtuous about it. If you are lucky enough to be able to afford not to go back to work post-children, and you enjoy being a SAHP, that’s great too!

Mine is back to doing a lot of them too at 16. But there was a period when she was 12/13 and decided she was “too grown up” for all that. The early hormonal years were hard!!

Mine still does most of these at 15. 💕

To you, it is not. To many others, it is. It is staring people in the face, this juxtaposition.

The day they tell you something you don't know, or introduce you to a new idea, music, opinion that broadens your world.
The day you discuss something and they have their own opinion formed from their own values and experiences and it makes you think, and truly understand they are more than just what you've created.
The happiness at their achievements, which is like your own, but doubled.
The way your world will expand with the new people they'll bring into it.
Being able to enjoy adult orientated things while still being with your favourite people.

I was responding to another poster’s point with an alternative view. It’s called discussion……..

But so does the time you’re having right now!

Do you still sit in the bathroom with her when she has a bath? Do you still help her wash her hair? Do you still braid her hair? Does she still hold your hand sometimes when walking down the road? Does she still crawl into your bed for cuddles?

No one warns you when the last time for any of those things will be. You don’t even notice the last time until you suddenly realise it’s stopped.

Before you know it OP she will be a teenager and you’ll be wishing she was 7 again.

I felt the exact opposite! It was a huge relief to get back to work. But I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I mean there is no comparison between sahm/sahd labours and those of the office-going partner, literally no comparison. Unless there are disabled children or relatives who are also the responsibility of a sahp - in that case yes, the ones who go out to work are in a better position.

I’m glad to hear of another happy granny. I’m living the good life too.

OP please be reassured that there is so much more to come! I loved being with my young children while I had three years off until the youngest was 16 months. Going back to work was hard but 30 years on, I remember the fun times rather than the stress.

We had days out, shopping, getting involved in homework/projects and having weekly tv programs that were in the diary. Getting them ready for Brownies, fancy dress parties, school trips, family holidays could also be exhausting but satisfying. Now I am in grandparent phase, getting involved by dog walking the grandog, child care for the babies. So rewarding - it is another “best time of my life” phase.

But you can still have those special times surely……..cuddling up on the sofa chatting about her day at school? Get involved in a school project that she might be doing at home? Reading together? Crafting together? Teaching her to bake/sew/knit? Tell her about your day? All these things connect you and help shape her future. I’m now a GM and this worked with my DD and DGC.

Some people can't help but see other people's different choices as a personal attack.

I know exactly what you mean, OP. I couldn't believe my two were having whole days apart from me when I returned to work. Experiencing fun, and learning new things, all without me.
20 years later, I took early retirement, and I'm here for them if they need me. Airport runs, laundry dilemmas, minor illnesses, advice - I'm here.