I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

empathy dripping from this post 😂😂😂

I think this is the most important post here. Of course we can have our gripes, but those of us that have healthy children without additional needs should thank our lucky stars that we get to have those regrets about our children growing up & changing, when this isn’t the case for many.

@LittleRobins I’m sorry it’s been so tough.

@Whereisthegrassasgreen I feel 100% the same. I think some people have missed the point of your post!

I loved the pre school years so much. We could do what we liked, lots of meeting friends, baby/toddler groups (didn’t love some of them tbh but my children did so we went!), walks, days out etc. Loads of expeditions to all sorts of places. Didn’t spend a fortune, made the most of the countryside near grandparents and the wealthy of free/low cost stuff in London (where we lived).

I miss it so much. I still go out and about a lot with my older dc but it’s never quite the same.

You will continue to love your child more and more but I understand completely grieving the freedom and simplicity of the early years (while also understanding that for lots of people it is extremely tough and they much prefer parenting older children!)

Op you had a baby not to keep them a toddler forever but to raise them to eventually become independent /adult with their own life. I find it helpful to see them getting older as a good thing and exactly what's meant to happen if that makes sense 🤣 for me tbh I felt very differently in that you couldn't pay me to go back to the toddler stage and enjoy mine more every year that goes by but even so I think you need to try and reframe how you're viewing things atm because you could end up missing out on being present if you're pining for the past :)

Since I had my twins 4 years ago I’ve only worked for 3 months from last October to this January. I’ve loved every minute. I’ve loved been home with them, I loved the stay and play groups, the park trips, the baking, everything I loved. I really need to get a job now they’re in full time school but I really don’t want to. I’m only getting one so we can finally buy our first house. If I wasn’t doing that I’d genuinely consider another couple of years as a homemaker. As for them growing up, I’ve got the luxury of knowing what it’s like to have grown up children. It’s also great. My 19 yo son can be really sweet. And my 21 yo daughter is like my little broke bestie! We are so similar. You’ve still got great years ahead, they stress you out, but it’s great!

This is why no mother can watch Mama Mia ‘Slipping through my fingers’ without bawling.

I bloody loved those pre school years. Play fighting on the rug in front of the open fire before bath and bed. Reading to her as she fell asleep. Watching Bear in the Big Blue House in bed together in a morning.

But honestly you’ve got so many fabulous stages to come. I’m besides myself with excitement as she’s at Euston getting the train home with her boyfriend and her cousin for Whit Friday. Cannot bloody wait until she gets here.

Just seize every moment.

I agree with others, who wants to bloody work when you can waft with children, dogs and horses?

YABU

all stages in life come to an end and move on. You’re hardly the only parent it’s happened to.

I remember someone saying to me when I was expecting my third "but you was just getting your life back..." I didn't want my old life back.

Because we are all different aren't we? Nothing has been as forfilling as being a mum for me. All the corporate crap was just working to buy another CEO a new yacht.

I'm working full time and have a 5 yo and a 2 yo, and although I love my job and I love being able to progress in a career that I love and feels fulfilling, I completely relate with what you're saying about having the time to just be in that bubble with your child (I've never been a SAHM, but I can relate to that feeling).

The other day I had a full morning with my 5 yo, just the 2 of us, and we were both saying how it was our best morning ever (in the entire universe as she likes saying). And I was reflecting on why that was, because we didn't do anything grandiose. We just went for a walk and splashed in the river. The thing that made it so special was that we had nowhere else to be. No plans, no time to be ready by for something else, just time. It was so perfect.

I'm so rushed and stressed most of the time, always trying to tick stuff off my list, I really need to remember to just take the time with the kids when I can (it's so bloody hard!).

You’re comparing not working and swanning about all day going to lunch and doing fun things vs working and still trying to maintain a social life and having fun etc.

Of course it’s going to be a massive shock to the system and it can be exhausting trying to do everything.

But just focus on how much of a good time you did have and now it’s time to focus on your career and be a good role model for your DD in that way.

Could you try and go PT?
Although this would probably be unfair on DH, so you could both discuss about both dropping a day so you can both enjoy more free time.

I found doing all of the chores and shopping etc during the week, meant that the weekends were more free to do fun things.

Come back to us in the toddler days. 4 months is a truly wonderful time, when they are runnning, climbing and back answering is another story!

I can promise you so much more is yet to come! My oldest is nearly 11 and youngest is 6.5, and yes I do look so fondly back at the pre school years. Working part time or being on mat leave, and not having the school run, its a very lovely and low pressure time. I obviously forget that I found the ages of 3.5 5 probably the hardest of all so far!

But that definitely doesnt mean you have peaked.

Are there options that are open to you? I think it is worth making sure you do get the best balance you can. I have rarely worked properly full time since the kids were young, even when working from home, and Ive always ensured my working pattern fits at least one school run so I can feel involved in their day.

What are your options in terms of carving out some time for you to continue having some time?

You get it back after the teenage years when you have a fulfilling life/career, enough money to afford a decent life, and free time back again.

I know its a slog, and god, did I struggle at your stage. But it was worth it!

Salary, career, pension, bills, wanting to be able to eat and mend the car. All very good reasons not to give up work.

With you OP, at home with 3 under 5 was 100% my happy place. Once school got involved it all went downhill, I miss those days when we were author of our own destiny. Even if destiny was mostly a mooch round Aldi and a trip to the library.

It's time to find a hobby!

I miss my daughter being a baby every day but I love the freedom I get to pursue my own passions now she's a bit more independent and going to primary school. I get my biggest self esteem boost and self actualisation from my personal passions and achievements. I love being a mum but at my core I'm a horsewoman and in the saddle I feel free and on top of the world. I wouldn't give up my time with my horses to go back to the baby days for the world. We are more than just mothers! We are whole people!

In just a few short years my daughter will be riding with me and we'll be galloping along having adventures together. I have so much to teach her and so much joy to share with her. I can't wait! I want to see her be wild and free, not stuck to my apron strings.

I can't wait to take her shopping for her first pointe shoes (she loves ballet like I do), prim dress shopping, choosing her wedding dress. She's got a whole life to live and I can't wait to see it! Wishing for her to be stuck as a toddler is a bit sad in my opinion.

Maybe you could make sure you have some clear space in your week to do nothing but hang out with your daughter, and do nice relaxed things together?

Life is so busy, there's so much pressure to fill every minute with useful activities, you almost have to schedule down time. But clearing special mum and daughter time might make you feel you still have those magical moments. There are plenty more to come, don't worry, they might just take a different form! And school holidays are very long...

I have two toddlers with special needs. I long to be making memories like the ones you have made. You are very blessed to have had those lovely years with your DD. My memories will be full of isolation, struggling through and crying at home. I wish I could take my kids out for the day without it being absolutely bloody awful.

I hear you - I love seeing my dc grow and thrive, there are wonderful adventures and conversations to be had as they grow - but I was always happiest at home with them living a simple life. I do a job I love but it’s not the same…

Yes .it's very fulfilling,we are conditioned to want to work and earn money ,but having been a SAHM and having a career,by far the most rewarding was bringing up my own children..
But they don't stay little for long ,so it's good to treasure that time as much as we can

If you keep this mindset, life will pass you by. You can only move forward

I promise you’re got many more magical moments ahead.

their first nativity performance. Teacher praising her at parents evening. Watching her jump in the pool with joy on holiday. Silly friendships. Trying to stay quiet while she experiments with bizarre hairstyles. When she makes you a cuppa as you get in from work, as you sing along in the car on the school run. And so many more.

@bigageapsummed it up perfectly.

You will watch her and have this big lump in your throat, knowing you helped form your remarkable child.

and I found many moments felt more special because they were just that - special moments. Not just another part of the every day.

I sympathise with how you’re feeling. But try to look forward with excitement rather than backwards with longing.