I was so tired, but so happy, now i’m just so tired

I was wondering when someone would say that parents who use childcare are getting someone else to "bring up their child." They are using childcare, they haven't had the kid adopted.

People on here often say "what would happen if all the dad's wanted to be stay at home parents too". But they don't want to, do they? Most of them don't. It's not the same, they haven't physically been attached to the developing baby for 9 months, gone through birth or breast fed. I'm sorry, but why do we pretend men have exactly the same feelings as us? I'm pretty sure they can't have. I agree with @Contrarymary30

Pretty much every working parent I know only sent their children to nursery a few days a week, either working part time or compressed hours.

The stay at home parents I know tended to put their children in preschool several days a week. (Or pop them in the gym crèche most days and to grandma on the weekend)

If all the dads decided they too wanted to be full time stay at home parents how do you imagine it would work?

I feel proud I raised my children and paid for the roof over their head and the food in their fridge

The baby/toddler years weren't my favourite stage. Couldn't stand crafts, sticky hands and cbeebies. Much prefer the primary school years. She's now 8 and has a sense of humour, we talk about more interesting things, she's developing skills and some talents. It's lovely watching her develop into her own person.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to put your 'precious little one' in nursery. The baby stage is quite tough for some people, and unfortunately, you don't know how you'll find it until you have one.

It was my happiest time when I was home with my children before they went to school. Can't understand people who are just so eager to turn their precious LOs over to someone else to bring up . I was hard up financially but it was worth it . Enjoy it !

I work in a school and get half terms. I have spent this half term out and about with my 17 year old. Afternoon tea, theatre, shopping its been great! We have girlie holidays too. She loves being with friends a lot now but we still have fun. You have a lot to look forward too OP

I get what you mean, I worked when I had dd1 and 2, the dts got all of me, and I bloody LOVED it, I was very much the fun mum with them and the dds. They are all 11, 15 and 17 now, 11yos will still hold my hand in public (dd more than ds as that's so embarrassing mum in our town).

I have to say at 15 and 17 these girls do some amazing things that make me so proud of them, 5am Saturday wake up for a half marathon, normally I'd say fuck no, we all went. Dofe practice walk this week, was there in a minute once she was done, praising them all.

It changes for sure but there's definitely things that can keep you connected.

So much. Sharing your favourite films with her, going on holidays to places where small kids wouldn’t manage. Sleeping in. Showing her how to cook your favourite dishes. Getting to know her friends. Getting to know her partners. Going thrift shopping together. Going to a sauna or something just the two of you for a treat. Getting her advice on what you should wear on a night out. Getting her advice on how to make the tech work. Getting excited about her coming to stay with you when you haven’t seen her for a while. Going out for dinner just the two of you. Talking to her about how she would like her life to be and telling her about all the mistakes you made ….

I have three (almost) grown up kids and although that early bit was great, I enjoy every year more and more. You might too.

Hi OP
sorry haven’t read all the comments so unsure if someone has already commented on it, but I had IVF at 48 and had my baby at 49.
I won’t lie and say raising a child while perimenopausal isn’t hard, but he’s totally worth it. I’m also a single mum so that could also explain the extra tiredness!
I think if you have the embryo, you should try. You will always be wondering about it.
But by all means get the ok from your doctor first - i was very healthy before I got pregnant and had to get lots of tests done to make sure my body could handle it.

i am now 51, with a 21 month old and have other embryos - I am half-considering whether to try one last time (my IVF clinic allows it until 51).

This thread is making me so nostalgic.

My children are 12 and 8 and I’m now sitting here thinking about all the things we did together when they were younger that we’ll never do again ☹️

Time goes so quickly!
Cling on to it OP!

I’m not sure what line of work you’re in but would it be possible to get a school hours job? That way you can spend your school holidays together. I was fortunate to work as a TA all the way through my children’s education and it was a good mix of income and quality time with them. It’s nice to work with children of a similar age as yours too if you can.

I don’t understand why you think you can’t still do the things you did before…… we do, just in different ways?

Where once open a time movie night would be Disney Pixar Toy Story these days it’s Peaky Blinders…..

Sundays we sit on the sofa and he tells me about his night out the previous evening…..

Instead of me pinning down and tickling a giggling 3 year old to make him laugh I get sat on by a 6’ 2” 18 year old just to make me laugh…..

We still go for days out it’s just Alton Towers instead of soft play, or fell walking and mountain biking instead of the park.

Something to look forward to OP!

Today is my youngest's 20th birthday. I've loved every stage but this one is amazing. We are celebrating tonight by going out to drink margaritas and eat tacos. Chat, laugh, gossip, giggle... my DD's have both become amazing young women and I adore spending time with them.

I know it’s tempting to congratulate yourself for your baby’s temperament when it’s easygoing…

but do know that the equally calm, easygoing, healthy, relaxed, well-informed, well-prepared, and responsible parents of screamer/colicky babies will roll their eyes at you 😂

I read all sorts of stuff about how cortisol affects babies in the womb and was convinced that having a risk free, healthy pregnancy and a wonderful, happy, calm life and relationship to welcome her into, with the best planning, meant we’d have a happy, gurgling cherub. We got a screamer!

Whereas my friend, who had an extremely stressful pregnancy, debated keeping the child until the last minute, and lived quite a hectic lifestyle… she got the cherub 😂

My DIL is like you, calm, relaxed, and so was her first baby. The next was a different story, screamy, didn't sleep - so although I agree with you to a certain extent it doesn't work with a difficult baby.

I'm older and had four children, now adults. I had them over a period of ten years and didn't go back to work until the youngest was at full time primary school. Like you we had no holidays, no new cars, and only spent what we had to because of our mortgage and the cost of having four children, but didn't suffer any real deprivation. I wasn't sorry to go back to work and the money was nice, but my time at home with them was the happiest time of my life.
I should add that my DH travelled abroad a lot for his work so was only too pleased not to have to pack up and go on holiday - even today he's not a holiday person. We didn't take out a huge mortgage because we couldn't afford it, but skipped the "middle" house which saved moving costs.
I'm sure that you and @Whereisthegrassasgreen will be pleased to hear that things pick up again when you retire...

Aw - I promise the later years are good too! FWIW I did not find my SAHM years my most enjoyable. About half was great but eventually i was mostly just bored and felt my IQ dwindling. Couldn't wait to go back to work and speak to adults about non child things again. Having said that - my two happiest days ever were when my children were born.

I get the exhaustion of feeling like you have no time to do anything properly, or stop and smell the roses. That WILL pass as your DD becomes more independent and you will find yourself with time on your hands. I am at the other end of the process with young adults half here-half not.... and it has been a big lesson in not losing myself on the way, which I think I did a bit. Having kids is just a gradual process of pushing them away from yourself so they can fly, not keeping them close. Doesn't mean you can't still have (and love!) times of closeness but they will change and become fewer and you will be progressively less important in your DD's life (and rightly so). I read your post as grief at the loss of your primary role in your DD's world, but it doesn't come back or get easier and it is important to hold on to yourself as well. Good luck OP, hope you have time to plan and do some lovely things to do with your DD now she is the age she is - summer holidays are LONG!!!

You stayed at home for five years and now only work part time with only one child to look after. It really doesn’t sound too hard!

Exactly. Most people who “love their job” would still be happy to quit if there was a major windfall of some kind. If they could get by on investments or something “hands-off”, they would. And why wouldn’t they? I personally had extremely difficult babies, but I can still totally understand what Op means and don’t feel like I have to turn it into a “you should want to work” bashing thread.

Same.