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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else’s Landlord do this? AIBU to be irritated?

239 replies

Specksofwhiteallaround · 27/05/2026 10:26

For context we’ve been renting this house from our Landlady for just over ten years now and she’s hands down the most intrusive landlord I’ve ever had. Can be very free with her opinions on how we live and has form for dropping in unannounced as she’s passing by, if she does let us know she’s coming it’s with as little notice as possible.
So fairly or not I find her very irritating generally but what’s really annoying me is the last couple of years she's developed a habit of scheduling in visits to the house every single time my son is off school. My son has autism and attends a special school, he really doesn’t like having strangers in our home which she is aware of. As my husband frequently travels for work at short notice I don’t work so she could come anytime during term time but she repeatedly turns up during the holidays, usually with one days notice and disrupts our plans. I just don’t understand why she herself wouldn’t rather come when my sons at school, everything is tidied away etc.
The last straw is her texting me at 6:30am on bank holiday Monday to say she wanted to call in at some point that afternoon to drop in some paperwork to us. She wasn’t too happy at being told we weren’t available that short notice but agreed to reschedule so now she’s coming today at some point between late morning and early afternoon so we’re wasting a day just hanging around waiting for her and I spent the hottest day of the year deep cleaning downstairs to circumvent comments on my not having hoovered over the bank holiday weekend and how my son really doesn’t need that many toys out…
Is anyone else’s landlord like this? Am I unreasonable to find this annoying and wish she’d try to schedule this in outside of the holidays?

OP posts:
Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 20:56

Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 20:31

She used to be more willing to arrange dates so I’m not sure what changed there, maybe she's more busy, but now if you say your busy it’s fifty fifty if she’ll be happy to rearrange or just come back with a load of reasons why it has to be that date making it harder and harder to say no.

The comments are easier to ignore, it’s always said in a way that’s hard to react to. If I blow up at her because she comments on the amount of toys my son has it makes me look petty, because it’s often framed as oh isn’t he a luck boy. Sounds like an innocuous comment but said so often its obvious she thinks were spoiling him or hoarding or whatever.

There’s a happy medium between “blowing up” and saying diddley-squat. Ie calmly say “no need to speak in that tone to me please”.

Do you have an idea when you’ll be moving? Is it in same catchment etc?

Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 20:33

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:44

What was this critical paperwork that she had to hand deliver and see you sign it?

The new renters rights paperwork ironically. I’ve no idea why she left it so late considering the fine she was risking. Happy for her to drop it in etc, just didn’t appreciate it being last minute in half term. I almost wonder if she’d forgotten it.

OP posts:
Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 20:31

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:41

I take on board all that

but calmly and politely saying that something “doesn’t date work for me but how about xyz?” OR “please dont talk to me like that” is hardly likely to cause her to kick you out and, if it was, then - wow, at least you are no longer at the whim of someone clearly quite unhinged.

Arent you moving now?

Edited

She used to be more willing to arrange dates so I’m not sure what changed there, maybe she's more busy, but now if you say your busy it’s fifty fifty if she’ll be happy to rearrange or just come back with a load of reasons why it has to be that date making it harder and harder to say no.

The comments are easier to ignore, it’s always said in a way that’s hard to react to. If I blow up at her because she comments on the amount of toys my son has it makes me look petty, because it’s often framed as oh isn’t he a luck boy. Sounds like an innocuous comment but said so often its obvious she thinks were spoiling him or hoarding or whatever.

OP posts:
DeposedPresident · 28/05/2026 20:25

Ignore. They are making up their own story.

Hold tight until you can leave, I think. Good luck.

Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 20:23

Skybluepinky · 28/05/2026 18:44

Sounds like your neighbours have raised issues about your child’s behaviour and they are worried about their property.

Could you please explain what I’ve written here that has made you come to the assumption that my child is destroying the house and that my neighbours have been talking to my landlord? That’s a pretty insulting conclusion to leap to. Just because he’s autistic doesn’t mean his behaviour affecting the house or my neighbours at all.

OP posts:
morgan56 · 28/05/2026 19:47

What paperwork does she need to give you? Probably something about the new renters rights… I would find information and give it right back to her. Never stay in or cancel plans. It’s unacceptable. She is very very very unreasonable and is actually breaking the law.

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:44

Specksofwhiteallaround · 27/05/2026 11:13

She wants me to sign to show I’ve received it. She hasn’t mentioned it but I assume she’ll also want to check out painting and new carpet that has been done recently.

What was this critical paperwork that she had to hand deliver and see you sign it?

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:42

Given latest post… definitely good you’re getting out asap. This is
only going one way - down

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:41

I take on board all that

but calmly and politely saying that something “doesn’t date work for me but how about xyz?” OR “please dont talk to me like that” is hardly likely to cause her to kick you out and, if it was, then - wow, at least you are no longer at the whim of someone clearly quite unhinged.

Arent you moving now?

Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 19:38

SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 18:01

Spoken like someone who has no idea of the upheaval of moving with two months notice. Finding a house within catchment of your children’s school, that’s affordable and doesnt look like the landlord will sell up anytime soon. Plus have the deposit, and money for boxes etc.

you make your rental house a home - as best you can.
my son sobbed and sobbed when we told him we’d have to move.

This is a lot of why we’ve put up with her. We live somewhere small and quite rural, there really haven’t been many properties we could afford, in the right catchment area that won’t affect his travel arrangements come available.

We were also desperate to avoid eviction for the first few years. Due to our circumstances at the time we had to borrow the deposit from my dad and no way could we have afforded to leave at short notice. There’s also been years where we haven’t seen her outside of inspections. It just seems to have ramped up again lately with the decorating she’s been wanting to do but now we’re so close to buying a house it doesn’t seem worth rocking the boat with her.

I was hesitant to add this but I genuinely worry she might be beginning with dementia. There was an incident when she told us to empty a room for painting, and it turned out to be the wrong room and she’d told the painter a completely different job. She keeps telling me the same thing repeatedly, as in during the same conversation and is forgetting dates and times a lot. Just yesterday my husband answered her email about the visit tomorrow, she answered him, then five minutes later replied to herself in the email chain… so definitely think best to keep our heads down until we’re ready to leave.

OP posts:
SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 19:37

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:34

Sorry not sure I understand?

moving isn’t straight forward

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:34

SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 19:31

I know. And given his additional needs any upheaval will be even worse than the heartbreak mine have been through.

Sorry not sure I understand?

SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 19:34

Do not tell her you’ve had an offer accepted until you’ve exchanged. She will want to do viewings and have all the trades in repainting etc.
you’ll probably end up with a longer cross over, but it will give you time to move at a slower pace and clean the old one up

SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 19:31

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:03

This son hides from the landlady.

I know. And given his additional needs any upheaval will be even worse than the heartbreak mine have been through.

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:26

Given he doesn’t like her there, given you know this, given she’s rocking up whenever she fancies and is not legally permitted to - it is quite shocking you have been allowing it to happen. And as for spending your bank holiday deep cleaning to avoid comments about vacuuming…. Firstly, why not just vacuum?! or better yet, just say that isn’t going to work for us.

Have you told her you’ve had an offer accepted?

Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:24

Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 19:23

My son hides from everyone who isn’t me, my husband or his grandparents, I do have to let people into the house at times and he understands that.
I was just making the point that she knows he doesn’t like her being here and it would be better if she would come when he’s at school as far as possible.

Oh right, so normal at all that he hid from the landlady. I assumed it was unusual given you mentioned it

Specksofwhiteallaround · 28/05/2026 19:23

Ifihadlegs · 27/05/2026 20:26

I am speechless about how utterly passive you and your husband have been in the face of years and years of appalling and unfair behaviour from her. This would indicate a serious lack of confidence in both you and your husband. I think you need to address this. No wonder your son hides from her, he knows that no one is going to do anything to stop her

My son hides from everyone who isn’t me, my husband or his grandparents, I do have to let people into the house at times and he understands that.
I was just making the point that she knows he doesn’t like her being here and it would be better if she would come when he’s at school as far as possible.

OP posts:
Eatenbysomefishes · 28/05/2026 19:03

SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 18:01

Spoken like someone who has no idea of the upheaval of moving with two months notice. Finding a house within catchment of your children’s school, that’s affordable and doesnt look like the landlord will sell up anytime soon. Plus have the deposit, and money for boxes etc.

you make your rental house a home - as best you can.
my son sobbed and sobbed when we told him we’d have to move.

This son hides from the landlady.

Skybluepinky · 28/05/2026 18:44

Sounds like your neighbours have raised issues about your child’s behaviour and they are worried about their property.

Hicks123 · 28/05/2026 18:15

There are laws against this. You are entitled to peaceful enjoyment of your home, without these unnecessary and intrusive visits. Contact the charity Shelter or Citizens Advice who can tell you about your rights so you can confidently refuse to accommodate her unreasonable requests.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 28/05/2026 18:07

I would be looking to move house or be up on a charge!

SpringsOnTheWay · 28/05/2026 18:01

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 06:16

So? Ultimately they are two full time working adults with full capacity. And this is a pretty run down poorly maintained property. There is no way that no other suitable home has not come up on the past decade!

This landlady has been disrespecting them, laughing at them, speaking to them like children, criticising them and even their son hides from her….for ten years? No, that indicates a couple that seriously lack self confidence.

Edited

Spoken like someone who has no idea of the upheaval of moving with two months notice. Finding a house within catchment of your children’s school, that’s affordable and doesnt look like the landlord will sell up anytime soon. Plus have the deposit, and money for boxes etc.

you make your rental house a home - as best you can.
my son sobbed and sobbed when we told him we’d have to move.

Isinglass20 · 28/05/2026 17:54

She has to give you the new Rental Rights Acts regulations by 31 May and signed confirmation that you have been given these documents otherwise she will be faced with a fine of several thousand pounds.

Read these documents and look up your legal rights and what you can do about infringements by your landlord

Cherrysoup · 28/05/2026 16:31

Just tell her no. A plumber knows how to do the safety certificate. Don’t let her steamroller you, just tell her that. After 9 years, I ask my tenants to organise this type of thing for when it’s convenient for them and I wouldn’t dream of coming round to supervise. I just pay the invoices. Mad. For any future attempts, tell her it doesn’t work for you and she doesn’t need to come round except for an annual inspection. Quote the paperwork she gave you!

You know you have to agree to rent increases, right, they can’t just be imposed? Hope your survey goes well, our buyers are at this point.

Fluffybuns88 · 28/05/2026 15:50

If my LL messaged to say he needed to drop something off at short notice I'd be absolutely fine with it, he's pretty chill and we go years without speaking to him which is only usually because the letting agents aren't doing what they're supposed to and doesn't bat an eyelid at the state of the house unless it's a shoddy job the agents contractors have done.

If he was popping in regularly and commenting on my family or the hoovering I'd be fuming and be arranging a time that was suitable for ME. I'm pretty sure LLs MUST give you 24hrs notice and have a genuine reason.

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