To feel helpless and in all honesty intimidated by my toddler?

She’s not a little shit, she’s a small child who needs support to regulate and manage her behaviour, which is to be wholly expected at her age. Things will change if you respond consistently to her. It’ll take a while because she’s learned that kicking off gets her what she wants, so there’s some unlearning to do. I get that you’re tired and feeling powerless but having some really clear strategies that you implement consistently will help in the long run.

Come on OP, you can do this!
Think of your eldest. Once home i
Would be letting her know because we had to leave place x she wouldn’t be doing y but your dd1 will be doing/getting y because she listened.

Where is her dad in all of this? I’ve not seen you mention him once. Will she be attending nursery more the year before she goes into reception?

It will change things. Pps are right about perseverance. Little and often and repeating yourself until you feel like an idiot…it will go in eventually.

sinple language as well; I can’t tell you how important that is. None of the “well you did that so we did this and it made me feel that…..”

just “stop” “x’s turn” etc

It won't be a quick fix but it will change with consistency.
I really think an in person parenting course would be so beneficial for you, not just for the parenting advice but for the peer support from other parents in a similar position to you.

@terrorisedbytoddler

You absolutely are encouraging it by not implementing boundaries. She’s a toddler ffs, she’s learning about what’s acceptable behaviour and what’s not. It is her parents job to teach her, which you are evidently not doing and then moaning about it when people give you the cold, hard truth.

Stop blaming a 3 year old and look within

Honestly if she is injured its natural consequences and id be fine.
Sorry you got hurt I had to remove it because ots not yours / it need stop go back to Jessica....

really?

I think you have had some good suggestions, op except the above. I missed the bit about nursery and how she’s a bit withdrawn there, and completely agree that you should try and unpick that a bit/discuss with her key person what she’s like at home.

Also really interesting what a pp said about getting her hearing checked.

Good luck. It isn’t easy, but nobody hates her. She’s just a tiny, little child, trying to learn how to be a human. If she’s sitting doing something nicely right now, go give her a big hug and tell her how proud of her you are. 💐

Honestly it will change eventually, it wont be pleasant initially but you will see a difference if you persevere

It will change things but it takes time and consistency. She's not going to change her behaviour because you did something once.

Of course it will change- but only with CONSISTENT management.
Keep it up- it will be worth it in the long run

@terrorisedbytoddler that's not what @Boxoffrogs21 said or meant, nor what any of the other PP here have been saying and you know it. You started this thread presumably to seek advice on how to deal with a toddler you are finding difficult. Lots of good ideas have been shared, mostly to help you to take control of the situation and consistently impose boundaries, even if you feel that will make you and your toddler unpopular with others. It does not mean that anyone hates her. Although most of us do hate to be a bystander when a parent is not parenting and letting a toddler be out of control as we know what the consequences are likely to be when that toddler becomes a teen and then adult.

So you hate your toddler, you don’t implement boundaries, her behaviour gets worse as a result of no boundaries, you then hate her more, you then wallow in pity and the cycle goes round and round until you end up with a young adult with major MH issues and a stressful family dynamic.

Honestly? You need to fix up. Wallowing in victim mode is not going to help you, your daughter, or your family. It’s self destructive.

Ok well you've been given lots of good advice.
Its up to you now.
You can either take heed, or totally ignore, justify your actions and reap the rewards....

No... you dont hate her, and neither does anyone else.
Stop wallowing in misery - it changes nothing. Put your Mum pants on and take charge FFS.
Start today.

You may well be widely disliked if you are letting her intimidate other children to get what she wants. I would rather hear a child in a full on tantrum being told no or removed from the situation (we have all been there) than a parent doing nothing.
Toddlers can have terrible behaviours usually in the most inappropriate places, one of mine caused absolute chaos until we removed him from a wedding and he was a page boy. Just stay firm its not forever.

Oh OP! I had the same and honestly, I think it’s developmental. In my experience neither a gentle parenting approach nor stricter parenting (not that this is my style really) helped. The only thing that worked a little was giving her time and space and then lots of affection. My daughter struggled with this between 2-3 and honestly it lifted almost immediately after she turned three- it was a real relief! It will pass, and it’s not necessarily anything you’re doing. Solidarity x

I often find adults use too many words, believing that toddlers listen and understand! Short, simple sentences and a lot more physical intervention. I've been to lots of toddler groups with grandchildren in the last few years and so many parents sit on their chairs and tell their children what to do. I know you have busy home jobs to do, but try to sit and play with them as much as possible and demonstrate nice playing. When she behaves badly physically intervene promptly, removing her from the room/place and preventing her from spoiling others play. So many times I've seen the naughty step or some other punishment threatened but not instigated so it's all meaningless words.

I don’t understand when you say you can’t control what other people do. When my son was only one year old at playgroup and didn’t even get understand what he was doing, if he snatched a toy off a child or demanded it and they gave it, I took it off him immediately and handed it back. Completely ignoring the “it’s fine, don’t worry” nonsense from other parents. It’s not fine, and I taught him that right from the start.

Why do you feel you need to allow her to just demand and take things because other children meekly let her? I think this says a lot about how scared of her you are. I think you got lucky with number 1 child who was easy to parent and now you’ve got yourself a little Madame and would benefit from a parenting class. For the sake of her, yourself, and your other daughter. It’s not fair that your second child rules the roost like this. For her own sake she’s going to grow up unlikeable and friendless if you don’t sort it now.

Do you take her away every time she does that?

That’s interesting.

Have you talked to her childcare setting about how she is at home? If she is reserved at her childcare setting and completely the opposite at home I would be trying to untangle that carefully. I would really want to get into the detail of what is happening when she is with other kids at preschool. As an example, let’s say she is allowing other kids to take her toys, or be pushed out of her space, it would then make complete sense that she would DEMAND a toy and DEMAND her space at home where she feels safe.

if the child care setting could work with you are she was able to be herself there I reckon she’d chill out a lot at home.

Have a look at the incredible years course. If you can't actually attend you can buy the book.