Good morning all,
This week my mum is staying with us, and I have already in the first few days heard non-stop about her opinions of and issues with my brother, his wife and the life they live.
For context my brother is 36, he is married, has 2 children and lives a very nice life, you would think any parent would be delighted, however not my mum.
I have gotten quite lucky in that my idea of a good life happens to align with hers so I don’t face half the scrutiny my brother and his wife do.
I will note some of the issues
- My brother’s wife doesn’t work, and really never has. She is from a wealthy family, they are mortgage free thanks to her family. She completed her degree, two masters, worked briefly for a year and then had their first child and is a stay at home mum. She has various side projects, is extremely intelligent and a good mother. I don’t personally think it is anyone’s business how a family makes money if at the end of the day, they can support themselves, and provide their children with all they need.
- They live in a flat in a city centre, my mum fundamentally believes children should be raised in small villages or towns, with plentiful access to outdoor space, gardens, large homes. Again I don’t think one is inherently better than the other, both have their pros and cons. The children live near some of the best parks in London and aren’t exactly lacking in opportunities to play outside.
- My brother and his wife have hobbies …. Yes really that is a problem. His wife plays tennis, my brother golfs, they both occasionally enjoy playing poker (this hasn’t threatened their finances to my knowledge). My mum believes that it is poor parenting to leave the children with a babysitter occasionally to “indulge” in hobbies.
- They don’t visit her often, and don’t let her visit. To be honest I imagine this is because she is so bloody judgemental and is constantly criticising them. She also refuses to stay in their flat as you have to climb stairs so gets a hotel, but then complains she can’t navigate London alone so one of them have to go and get her each morning, walk her back to theirs and do the same in the evening.
She is insisting I to my brother and see if I can “sort him out” as he has clearly chosen his wife badly, raising his children badly and is hurting her.
She has now said as I refused to talk to him, I must agree with him and we have both let her down and she doesn’t know where she has gone wrong!
My dad thinks I should just say I will talk to him so she will stop asking, then not act on it, I think it’s pointless to say that.
What I actually want to do is tell her perhaps they keep a distance because she is so judgmental, critical and arrogant about her view of what is right. Both my dad and husband think I shouldn’t bother and that she might even have “some points” even if it isn’t technically her place to comment on it.
AIBU to think she is being absolutely crazy and after 4 years of listening to her witter on about how disappointing my brother and his wife are, to think I should just tell her, that her attitude may be the problem, not their parenting or lifestyle (which may not be to everyone’s preference but isn’t objectively bad)?