Worried about dd & dsil weight

Everyone knows the risks of extra weight you don't need to educate nor shame them.

If the child has two parents, why are you only worried about her mother's weight?

Stay in your lane.

They know what size they are. You pointing it out achieves nothing. It’s a matter for them and, possibly, health professionals. Well-meaning onlookers are not invited to the table.

They knew they were overweight before you told them. People don't lose weight because someone told them to. I know you're worried, but there's nothing you can or should do.

What sort of weight are you talking about OP?

How tall is DD and what do you think she would weigh?

That's a myth. It's biologically impossible for the body to 'expect' sugar based on flavour.

Not to your taste? Fine.

But the OP seems to think zero calorie drinks make people fat.

Yes meaning that any weight gain is caused by the actions of the individual after drinking it. Many people manage to drink diet pop and not go on to eat energy rich foods.

Well, they’re adults and they will know they are overweight. You commenting on it is going to do absolutely nothing. People seem to think that other adults don’t know they’re fat… of course they know. They’re either not bothered or they’ve tried to lose weight and failed. Either way, you’re not going to be able to help.

Their portion sizes will be large and they will be snacking. You could suggest they keep a very honest food diary with weights of the food included etc but I doubt they’ll bother. Or offer to pay privately for them to see a dietitian.

Diet Coke isn’t a culprit btw.

The short answer is, you can't do anything about it.

I was always quite a skinny kid, right up until my early 20's when I started putting a bit of weight on. Then DD was born and life changed and it started going on even faster.

My Mum started on at me about it fairly early. "You've put on a bit of weight". "Do you think you need to drink a bit less? "Another takeaway?"

She was right, but she wasn't helpful. She wasn't telling me anything I didn't know already. I knew I was putting on weight, I just didn't care that much at that point, thought I could lose it when I needed to. All her mentioning it did was kick in my stubborn streak to keep eating crap, and damage our relationship a little.

By the point that it actually started bothering me, I'd gained too much and it felt like an insurmountable hill to climb. I made a couple of attempts at losing it, but nothing serious. And then two years ago I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Mum isn't around any more, but I could still hear the "Told you so" from her echoing round my head.

Lost it all in about 6 months, put my diabetes into remission. I've still managed to do myself permanent damage in the mean time though.

In short, you can't do anything about it. You can keep mentioning it to them, but you won't be telling them anything they don't already know. They just don't care about it enough right now to change, and nothing you can say will change their mindset. All you'll do is harm your relationship with your child.

That's right. It's even worse. Artificial sweetners, yuck.

This is not true there is a mounting body of evidence that shows the artifical sweetener in diet drinks primes the body to expect sugar, when it doesn't arrive it causes cravings and the body seeks out the sugar it was expecting

It’s not unhealthy. It’s literally just flavoured carbonated water. It has zero calories and doesn’t make anyone fat. There is zero evidence that anything in it is harmful to human beings.

There is nothing at all confusing in the OP.

There's nothing you can do. They know they're fat and they know how to fix it. Everybody does. Try to put it out of your mind and just enjoy their company. There are fat people and slim people in my family and there are two with eating disorders. If they are happy, they are doing alright.

I don't know why people think that fat people don't know they're fat.

OP, your DD and DSIL know they are overweight. It's not a case of gosh I didn't realise, let me chuck the cake out and get the salad in.

If you're worried, tell them exactly that. That you're worried about their health because you love them and want them to be around a long time. But then it is up to them to take action. Think of it like an alcoholic or a heroin addict.

The worst thing you can do is say something. I was obese. My mum's judgement had me reaching for the cake. My appetite was voracious and screamed at me constantly.
Focus on the bits you can't see. Are they kind people? Good parents? Do they care? It's a condition and there's finally a drug that helps if they choose to use it but they need to make their own decisions

Presumably these are two adults with at least an average level of intelligence.

Newsflash: they know they're overweight.

They probably know why too.

Presumably, they also have access to GP services and the whole Internet, they can easily find information and ways to lose weight, improve fitness and become healthier if and when they want to.

And that's the thing. If and when THEY want to. It has to come from them, and in a way that they are happy with.

I say this as someone who has previously lost 50% of their body weight, put it all back on again, and is now in the process of losing it again...

Comments from you won't help and may make things worse depending on the cause of the overeating. Maybe just focus on serving delicious but healthy meals when you are together.

YABU to think you can have any influence over this, unfortunately. They’ll need to make the decision for themselves that something has to change - it might take a health diagnosis like type 2 diabetes, or similar to give them that wake up call.

Please try not to mention it to them, as you risk damaging your relationship with them. I guarantee they’re already aware they’re obese.

Eating high levels of artificial sweetners gives you cravings for more sweet things and messes about with the gut biomes leading to more hunger. Its quite toxic to drink massive amounts of it.

Dear Daughter and Dear Son In Law - it’s not that confusing really

If you've talked to your daughter and it hasn't helped, I don't think there's anything more you can do. They have to decide for themselves.

I suspect they do overeat - just having a sedentary job won't make them overweight, most of your weight is determined by what you eat, unless you do athlete levels of exercise.

I did a healthy eating course amongst other things (my son is prone to weight gain and got referred by GP). Portion size is never what we expect it to be. If you measure it out and count the calories it’s a shock how quickly they mount up. My DS has slimmed down as an active teen (we were referred when he was in primary school and had an injury) but is still “overweight” on NHS BMI.

Could you ask your daughter if there is anything you can do to so they can get more active? Pay for a gym membership or look after their daughter/take her to her activities? I know that with full time work and a child to run round after you just run out of time for anything else.

Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do. All the hinting and talking won’t change anything unless they want to do something about it themselves.