To let my SIL go for a walk with my DD?

He probably would have agreed if I had asked him to help but I am a bit worried about asking because he doesn't always react well to that and there have been anger issues in the past which coupled with a fear of conflict on my end mean that I don't just automatically just tell him 'no you can't have a nap right now, hold the baby!'

I don't like the sound of your husband OP. Sorry.

have you never had a relative who is capable of being an absolute menace about danger and boundaries? when you have it is absolutely awful because you just cant trust them to do normal common sense things to keep a child safe. If it was the other way around and she didnt trust the sister and the man had let the kid go out against his wife's will, we'd all be here saying he was an areshole and should have respected her wishes. Why is it different because he wants to keep his child safe? unless theres a backstory and hes a villain, its really good he has the sense to protect his child from his own sister's incompetence. this is more than most men you read about on here.

Because if the sister is a menace then she shouldn't be on holidays with them and the husband shouldn't have trotted off for a nap leaving his wife to clean up after dinner, feed the baby, mind the 5 year old and police the dangerous sister he inexplicably invited on holidays with them. If he has the good sense to protect his child from his sister's incompetence then he would not have invited her on hols, would not have swanned off for a nap and would have explained to OP exactly why sister is so dangerous that she can't take a 5 year old for a walk but can accompany them on a trip. It is all just ridiculous.

Your husband is a twat OP. Tomorrow wait until children are at peak neediness then hand them to your dh and go for a nap - and tell him of course you expect his sister to not even touch them. See how that works out for him.

its really good he has the sense to protect his child from his own sister's incompetence.

It would be nice if he was equally diligent about protecting his children from the dangers of being sole parented by a completely exhausted mum. This sort of exhaustion is when mistakes happen, like falling asleep holding the baby or while the kids are in the bath.

Oh and when we visited the problematic family member, we never got to rest. When you shadow a child every second, you do not nap, you do not sit and have a drink, you do not relax and chat. You literally shadow your children.

your husband has no business sleeping while your children were awake if these were the rules.

have you never had a relative who is capable of being an absolute menace about danger and boundaries? when you have it is absolutely awful because you just cant trust them to do normal common sense things to keep a child safe. If it was the other way around and she didnt trust the sister and the man had let the kid go out against his wife's will, we'd all be here saying he was an areshole and should have respected her wishes. Why is it different because he wants to keep his child safe? unless theres a backstory and hes a villain, its really good he has the sense to protect his child from his own sister's incompetence. this is more than most men you read about on here.

eta just saw he was napping...unless he has some serious illness, he IS a villain for that.

You and your husband sound really controlling. Imagine blocking a child from having a close relationship with her auntie because the auntie might give her sweets.

I agree.

I have a close relative who I have never allowed alone with my dd. That is because he was a violent alcoholic in the past. I could trust him enough now with careful supervision, but would never risk what happened to me happening to my child, no matter how much personal growth I saw.

you are worried about candy and a few photos? Really? Surely there has to be more going on here.

The most unacceptable aspect of this situation is that your husband went for a nap and left you alone with a tiny baby and a small child to do bedtime, after you had also cooked dinner, after a 9 hour journey.

This behaviour is so monumentally entitled and messed up that everything else sort of fades in comparison.

I am entirely against violence of any kind, but I'd be hard-pressed not to pour a pan of cold water over his head and yell "Oi tosser! Get up and parent your children" if he tried something like this again.

If he wants the rights and privileges of a parent, he needs to act like one first.

I’m also completely baffled as to why a family member you like enough to go on holiday with can’t take your 5 year old out for 20 minutes!

it would be even nicer if she took her out for longer wouldn’t it? The your DH can get the baby to bed while you get an early night!

Wow, I was taking my niece on the bus to the cinema when I was 14 and she was 4!

I was looking after older niece and baby niece during the school holidays at 16. We had a ball and no one died.....

An Auntie is such a special relative, someone to talk through problems when you're too scared to tell your parents, someone to spoil you and make memories with etc.

Oh no, she might have given her some sweets. Monster.

Why didn't you wake DH up to look after DD while you had a rest? If he was not prepared to do that then I don't see having your SiL take a 5 year old for a short walk is an issue. If it is then he is a control freak (or into coercive control).

Post and run, boring.

There must be something deeper going on, though imagine it’s quite telling that he was having a nap while you did all the work

Can't quite believe what I'm reading here. Your poor SIL.

I don’t know how people put up with these strict rules and regulations around family whose potential crime is possibly giving a sweet.
SIL sounds like a very patient person to me, loving her niece and a family who don’t trust her to be alone around the children.
Batshit.

Your dh is the problem here. He sounds very controlling.

Yes exactly.

‘Dh, stop this, I was exhausted and you were sleeping. If we need to supervise dd every second ourselves you need to not nap while I’m busy working to cook and clean and prep bedtime for us. Stop being such a child right now and either step up and parent, or accept I’ll make parenting decisions that give me a break too not just you. Don’t spoil everyone’s holiday because you’ve decided to commit me to a slave labour program. Now go do dds bedtime as I’m tired and you don’t want your sister to.’

You made dinner and were looking after both children while your H napped - you are allowed to make decisions as a parent. The walk was round the holiday park, not down the central reservation of a motorway or up Everest.

And if your worry is that SIL might (The Horror!) give her SWEETS, I am assuming that you don't have serious concerns - like SIL is a heroin addict or a psychopath or something?

Your DH sounds severely anxious or obsessed about safety, or is extremely controlling.

I am not sure how you both free yourselves from this.

But at the most basic level: people do not make their best decisions when they are exhausted and multi-tasking and under pressure and their partner is relaxing with a nap . Tell your DH to go fuck himself.

That's a very unkind response.

But are they realistic worries( after all no harm came to the child) or pfb neurotics.

No real information