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Original poster

To let my SIL go for a walk with my DD?

281 replies

Trustwithboudaries · 26/05/2026 19:41

I think i am being unreasonable! But here's the situation. We haven't let my SIL be alone with our DD now 5, without us nearby. My DH doesn't trust her not to eg give DD sweets without telling us, be safe enough etc. She has previously broken our trust by sharing photos without our permission but also has been really good for the past 6 months or more about respecting rules and boundaries. However DH and I still talked about not letting SIL be with DD5 fully alone. We are currently on holiday with her (SIL), DH, DD5 and DD 2 months. After 9 hrs of travel we arrived. I made dinner, we ate, DH went for a nap and SIL offered to take DD5 for a walk in the holiday park for 20mins. DD was crying and needing to feed after refusing all day. I was exhausted and needed to prepare for bedtime. So without thinking I agreed to the walk without asking DH. DD5 and SIL are back safely and as far as I can tell nothing we would be uncomfortable with happened. But I really shouldn't have agreed to the walk, should I? What can I do to repair the breach of trust? This is a huge deal to DH.

OP posts:
ThatBlackCat · 27/05/2026 22:55

Trustwithboudaries · 27/05/2026 00:10

He he I'll try that. He does always invite SIL over to help him parent whenever I do go out (though always with him in the house too).

Show quote history

So he can't even parent his own child alone? What a complete waste of space he is! Do you need to call your brother or sister or something over to help you parent if he is not there? I bet not!

ThatBlackCat · 27/05/2026 22:53

Trustwithboudaries · 26/05/2026 23:54

Thanks everyone! Sorry not to respond earlier, the baby did finally sleep so I thought I would too. The post is a bit overly dramatic, sorry! I was tired and stressed (still am obviously). SIL hasn't done anything to merit this level of distrust no. DH did drive us 4 hrs or so but you are right about the nap too. It was selfish of him to do that right then. He probably would have agreed if I had asked him to help but I am a bit worried about asking because he doesn't always react well to that and there have been anger issues in the past which coupled with a fear of conflict on my end mean that I don't just automatically just tell him 'no you can't have a nap right now, hold the baby!'

I am a bit worried about asking because he doesn't always react well to that and there have been anger issues in the past

I'd be more worried about your 'D' H and more distrustful of him than your SIL.

Lavenderblue11 · 27/05/2026 22:53

You don't only sound unreasonable OP, you sound off your rockers. Your poor kids are going to damaged with such restrictive parenting, you're lucky that your SIL wants anything to do with them - or you.

Valleymum2 · 27/05/2026 22:52

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 20:01

Your dh knows his sister far far better than you and any of us

and he is adamant he doesn’t want your young child left alone with his sister

trust HIM on this

there is probably a lot of shit you don’t know about.

Completely agree. If someone tells you they do not want a family member or indeed anyone else left alone with their child, please please believe them. There will be a reason that he maybe is not comfortable disclosing. Take it seriously. If the SIL knows she is not meant to be seeing the chils on their own then she is pushing the boundaries which again doesn’t bode well. Better safe than sorry. If it was a brother in law would you be comfortable?

Pearlstillsinging · 27/05/2026 22:41

Perhaps you should have asked SIL to wake her D up and ask him To go with her and DD.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/05/2026 22:31

Ah I see, she’s only allowed to help him, not to help you.

I agreed with everyone else when I read this, and haven’t changed my mind on reading the updates - what kind of man, after his bfing wife cooked the food for everyone, then leaves her with the baby and a very young child to go and have a nap - knowing the baby needs a feed and the older (but still very young) one will be bored, but then objects to said wife availing herself of the only help on offer.

OK he did the drive - but if that left you entertaining the kids during the drive you’re already even! Then you had to cook on top, which leaves you more in need of a nap than him, especially as bfing is well known to make you sleepy- it’s designed to, to give you some hope of the hallowed “sleeping while the baby sleeps.

Definitely sounds controlling and unpleasant.

momtoboys · 27/05/2026 22:30

Redflagsabounded · 26/05/2026 19:58

You sound absolutely bonkers, unless there's something else about SIL that DH hasn't told you.

And how good of him to piss off for a nap while you were dealing with both tired and hungry children after a long journey.

Edited

😂😂😂

Thechaseison71 · 27/05/2026 22:26

QueenietheGreat · 27/05/2026 18:12

@Trustwithboudaries
So simply, I honestly think you just have to ask husband what does he honestly know about SIL that you don't which makes him dislike her so

Well he obviously does t dislike here ouch to invite her on holiday or come to his house to help with the kids when his wife is out

ainsleysanob · 27/05/2026 22:26

Trustwithboudaries · 27/05/2026 00:46

She's in her thirties, and she is on holiday to spend time with the kids and help! Which agreed makes the issue with the walk a bit ridiculous

Show quote history

Why on earth do you need help on holiday with your own kids?

polkadotpixie · 27/05/2026 22:20

Your SIL is not the problem here, your lazy, controlling husband is. Hopefully this thread has opened your eyes to this

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/05/2026 22:15

Trustwithboudaries · 26/05/2026 23:54

Thanks everyone! Sorry not to respond earlier, the baby did finally sleep so I thought I would too. The post is a bit overly dramatic, sorry! I was tired and stressed (still am obviously). SIL hasn't done anything to merit this level of distrust no. DH did drive us 4 hrs or so but you are right about the nap too. It was selfish of him to do that right then. He probably would have agreed if I had asked him to help but I am a bit worried about asking because he doesn't always react well to that and there have been anger issues in the past which coupled with a fear of conflict on my end mean that I don't just automatically just tell him 'no you can't have a nap right now, hold the baby!'

Sounds like you have a DH problem rather than a SIL problem

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 27/05/2026 22:13

titchy · 26/05/2026 20:00

Your SIL is 12 with a learning disability right? Or your dd is a bolter and SIL is in a wheelchair?

Sorry, that did make me laugh!

Pinkissmart · 27/05/2026 21:35

Sister in law is in her 30’s? And because she once shared photos, she is being punished nonstop?

The mind boggles.
And I bet he’d be the first to be pissed off if she didn’t show adequate levels of interest in the kids.

How sad

beAsensible1 · 27/05/2026 21:31

Trustwithboudaries · 27/05/2026 00:46

She's in her thirties, and she is on holiday to spend time with the kids and help! Which agreed makes the issue with the walk a bit ridiculous

Show quote history

this is bonkers so she’s good enough to the free childcare but not trustworthy enough for a walk. AND your DH gets her over to help when you’re not here.

does she know that you both think she’s useless while she gives up her free time to watch your kids?

BillieWiper · 27/05/2026 21:17

What could she do to her in 20 minutes? Is she a convicted child abuser or raging violent crack head?!

Roastiesarethebestbit · 27/05/2026 21:15

Edited as wrong thread

lizzielizard · 27/05/2026 21:12

DH went for a nap when you arrived and SIL took your daughter out and you're worriend about it? You and your DH sound a bit odd. I'm feeling sorry for your SIL. Hope she survives the holiday.

Henhipster · 27/05/2026 20:22

Why on earth did you go on holiday with her as the only other adult when you’re bound to be busy and appreciate help, if you don’t trust her. Does she think she’s been invited to help with the children?
Surely you could have just set out boundaries for her and either she agreed and came on holiday with you or not and stayed at home.

ScartlettSole · 27/05/2026 19:49

NoUsernameAvailableAgain · 27/05/2026 19:26

Poor SIL. If I was her I’d tell the pair of you to fuck off.

Exactly this.

ScartlettSole · 27/05/2026 19:48

So your husband (and you) don't trust his sister but he asks her to help him parent when you aren't there. You both (or just him I may have missed who's idea it was) asked her to join you on holiday to help with the very children she isn't trusted with. You don't like asking your husband to parent his children because he doesn't react well to this. I reckon you and especially him are the issue. Not the sister.

Chagalaga23 · 27/05/2026 19:46

Weird post award for the day.
Unless sil has just been let out of prison for child murder.
You are modelling some very poor behaviour for your kids. Please stop.

NoUsernameAvailableAgain · 27/05/2026 19:26

Poor SIL. If I was her I’d tell the pair of you to fuck off.

Pessismistic · 27/05/2026 19:18

Trustwithboudaries · 27/05/2026 00:46

She's in her thirties, and she is on holiday to spend time with the kids and help! Which agreed makes the issue with the walk a bit ridiculous

Show quote history

So your husband is happy to use his sister for her free help but not 100% trusting her. I’m sorry op if I didn’t trust someone with my dc I certainly wouldn’t be holidaying with them. Op your dh is controlling which you seem to have noticed but using his own sister is horrible behaviour she’s either ok or not. The poor woman obviously loves the children but it’s not very kind to use her.

Buffs · 27/05/2026 19:11

Well your DH can’t just waltz off for a sleep then can he?

MMAS · 27/05/2026 18:42

I am confused. After nine hours of travel they let you cook dinner, then he went for a nap and, now you have to apologise for his rules regarding his own sister.

Someone is being taken for a mug here and it definitely is not your SIL.

At some point in this thread you said you were going to have counselling. That is a good thing as perhaps it may give you guidelines on how to stop his controlling behaviour.

I sincerely hope you have your own family and friends. If he has isolated you from any of them for whatever reason, then that is a major red flag.

Look after yourself and protect your children from turning out like their Father who appears to have double standards.