Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my SIL go for a walk with my DD?

281 replies

Trustwithboudaries · 26/05/2026 19:41

I think i am being unreasonable! But here's the situation. We haven't let my SIL be alone with our DD now 5, without us nearby. My DH doesn't trust her not to eg give DD sweets without telling us, be safe enough etc. She has previously broken our trust by sharing photos without our permission but also has been really good for the past 6 months or more about respecting rules and boundaries. However DH and I still talked about not letting SIL be with DD5 fully alone. We are currently on holiday with her (SIL), DH, DD5 and DD 2 months. After 9 hrs of travel we arrived. I made dinner, we ate, DH went for a nap and SIL offered to take DD5 for a walk in the holiday park for 20mins. DD was crying and needing to feed after refusing all day. I was exhausted and needed to prepare for bedtime. So without thinking I agreed to the walk without asking DH. DD5 and SIL are back safely and as far as I can tell nothing we would be uncomfortable with happened. But I really shouldn't have agreed to the walk, should I? What can I do to repair the breach of trust? This is a huge deal to DH.

OP posts:
wheredidiputmyglasses · 26/05/2026 20:23

For gods sake…relax. How is your child ever going to have close loving family around her while you sit there scared of making contact -,what kind of message are you giving your child? I despair

Confuserr · 26/05/2026 20:21

She sounds nice and your and your husband sound annoying

Arlanymor · 26/05/2026 20:21

There's large context/logic gaps here.

DH went for a nap - did he drive for nine hours? If so then fair enough.
SIL can't be trusted - because she shared photos online or because she is overall incapable of adult behaviour? Sweets on holiday - can you imagine! If she's such a liability why are you on holiday with her in the first place?
I agreed to a walk without asking DH - what other things do you need to ask him about that are perfectly normal and where you should be allowed your own autonomy? WHY is this a huge deal to him? Is he usually so controlling?Nothing happened, so why is he flying off the handle? Your DD had a nice time with her aunt... why can't he just see the reality for what it is? He sounds awful.

Feis123 · 26/05/2026 20:21

Ooodelally · 26/05/2026 19:50

Why are you so frightened of your DH? You should be able to trust your own parenting judgements x

Clearly SIL broke the trust by taking pictures without prior permission - the OP was probably going to sell them to Hello? And now such a bummer...

ChiliFiend · 26/05/2026 20:21

You sound ridiculously controlling. I'm amazed she's on holiday with you.

SparkyBlue · 26/05/2026 20:20

MrsVBS · 26/05/2026 20:15

You don’t trust her but youve gone on holiday with her, your shattered but your husband naps, your scared your husband will find out. I would say there’s a bigger issue than your SIL.

This

cloudysky75 · 26/05/2026 20:18

Why are you scared of your husband?

SIL hasn't done anything except share some photos- she was probably excited about them. Unclench for heaven sake

Jellox · 26/05/2026 20:18

You’ll just need to apologise to DH for it but also bring up why he was asleep and not taking care of his kids.

I don’t understand why you’d let a dangerous person take your DD and put her at such risk, instead of just waking up their dad.

MrsVBS · 26/05/2026 20:15

You don’t trust her but youve gone on holiday with her, your shattered but your husband naps, your scared your husband will find out. I would say there’s a bigger issue than your SIL.

Thunderdcc · 26/05/2026 20:13

I think you just say to DH you're sorry, you know what you agreed. Unfortunately having travelled for 9 hours, the baby screaming you just couldn't think straight - and to be honest there was no easy way to turn down the offer as it was exactly what was needed at that point in time and he wasn't around <meaningful stare>

Beachbeachbaby · 26/05/2026 20:10

Why is dh so angry?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/05/2026 20:08

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 20:01

Your dh knows his sister far far better than you and any of us

and he is adamant he doesn’t want your young child left alone with his sister

trust HIM on this

there is probably a lot of shit you don’t know about.

Okay...If she is such a villain why is she on holiday with them?

Not saying you are wrong necessarily but its a weird thing to do no?

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 20:03

I reckon SIL waited until her brother was
asleep and then asked you @Trustwithboudaries

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 20:01

Your dh knows his sister far far better than you and any of us

and he is adamant he doesn’t want your young child left alone with his sister

trust HIM on this

there is probably a lot of shit you don’t know about.

ParmaVioletTea · 26/05/2026 20:01

What a nice aunt for your DD. And frankly, a few sweets from a favourite are nothing.

Encourage the relationship! When your DD is a stroppy teenager, you'll be able to send her to her aunt for a break for both you and your DD.

Why not celebrate that there are people around your DD who love her?

Twatterati · 26/05/2026 20:00

OneMoreProfiterole · 26/05/2026 19:52

Why does he get to nap? You say you’re exhausted too. Maybe instead of napping he does some parenting.

Totally! Did he need permission to go for his nap or just take himself off for it?! Don’t tell me, he did the driving so is more tired (in HIS opinion).

He sounds unbelievably controlling.

titchy · 26/05/2026 20:00

Your SIL is 12 with a learning disability right? Or your dd is a bolter and SIL is in a wheelchair?

MrThorpeHazell · 26/05/2026 19:59

There has to be more to this than an aunt giving her niece unauthorised sweets and a few photos?
If not, then I think your DH is the one with issues.

HeddaGarbled · 26/05/2026 19:59

Lazy H needs to parent rather than laying all this nonsense on you.

Redflagsabounded · 26/05/2026 19:58

You sound absolutely bonkers, unless there's something else about SIL that DH hasn't told you.

And how good of him to piss off for a nap while you were dealing with both tired and hungry children after a long journey.

SquirrelBlue · 26/05/2026 19:58

9 hours travel, YOU made dinner, YOU had to deal with a 2 month old baby and a 5 year old, YOU had to get ready for bedtime. Rather than being a parent and working as a team, he was having a nap. So no, he doesn't get an opinion on this.
Also I've no idea why your SIL would be such a risk to a 5 year old on a 20 min walk on a campsite. But at least she had the common sense to realize what would be helpful for you in that situation rather than going for a nap.

SnappyUmberLion · 26/05/2026 19:57

You sound very controlling.

FoxHedgehogBadger · 26/05/2026 19:55

She shared some photos and so you and DH don’t trust her at all, in any capacity? You both sound crazy and controlling. Let your kids have a good relationship with their aunt!

OneMoreProfiterole · 26/05/2026 19:52

Why does he get to nap? You say you’re exhausted too. Maybe instead of napping he does some parenting.

spicysalad · 26/05/2026 19:52

Your SIL must have done something awful to not be trusted alone with your child?