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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my SIL go for a walk with my DD?

281 replies

Trustwithboudaries · 26/05/2026 19:41

I think i am being unreasonable! But here's the situation. We haven't let my SIL be alone with our DD now 5, without us nearby. My DH doesn't trust her not to eg give DD sweets without telling us, be safe enough etc. She has previously broken our trust by sharing photos without our permission but also has been really good for the past 6 months or more about respecting rules and boundaries. However DH and I still talked about not letting SIL be with DD5 fully alone. We are currently on holiday with her (SIL), DH, DD5 and DD 2 months. After 9 hrs of travel we arrived. I made dinner, we ate, DH went for a nap and SIL offered to take DD5 for a walk in the holiday park for 20mins. DD was crying and needing to feed after refusing all day. I was exhausted and needed to prepare for bedtime. So without thinking I agreed to the walk without asking DH. DD5 and SIL are back safely and as far as I can tell nothing we would be uncomfortable with happened. But I really shouldn't have agreed to the walk, should I? What can I do to repair the breach of trust? This is a huge deal to DH.

OP posts:
pteromum · 26/05/2026 20:49

Oh wow OP.

I really hope you are safe.

The red flags here from your husband are blazing.

she sounds like a good ally.

your post is strangely written with “we”

ToyStory75 · 26/05/2026 20:49

Unless there is a huge back story on what SIL has done the you are being ridiculous.

aside from that, DH sounds like a twat. Why does he get to nap when everyone is exhausted

Floppyearedlab · 26/05/2026 20:49

So your daughter went for a walk with her aunty, and she came back safe and happy.
Your life really is problem free.

nam3c4ang3 · 26/05/2026 20:48

Your husband sounds like a controlling twat and you sound scared of him. HTH.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 26/05/2026 20:43

There’s not enough info to say whether you were unreasonable about the walk, but based on what you’ve shared it’s dickish behaviour of your DH to go off for a nap and leave to sort dinner and bedtime while looking after two overtired children, one of who is just a baby.

FreebieWallopFridge · 26/05/2026 20:40

SquirrelBlue · 26/05/2026 19:58

9 hours travel, YOU made dinner, YOU had to deal with a 2 month old baby and a 5 year old, YOU had to get ready for bedtime. Rather than being a parent and working as a team, he was having a nap. So no, he doesn't get an opinion on this.
Also I've no idea why your SIL would be such a risk to a 5 year old on a 20 min walk on a campsite. But at least she had the common sense to realize what would be helpful for you in that situation rather than going for a nap.

This.

And if he complains, send him my way and I’ll tell him to get a fucking grip.

PurpleThistle7 · 26/05/2026 20:40

I need more information. Why on earth was your husband napping and what else did she do?

I have a firm rule that my sister in law is not to be alone with my kids. My husband let her go on a walk with my daughter a couple years ago and I lost my mind. But that’s because she’s an alcoholic, with a seizure disorder that’s unmediated, has had multiple breaks with reality and hallucinations and has a long history of dangerous choices including several car accidents and a horrible incident where she hallucinated and called the police on my father. So it’s a red line for me - my kids are supervised every second they’re with her (particularly as we are immigrants so they don’t necessarily know how to get help if they needed it).

Anyway, unless it’s this sort of situation and you’re downplaying it, I am not sure what the drama is or why your husband left you floundering while he had a little snooze.

Pollqueen · 26/05/2026 20:39

Can't see a problem here so far, so waiting for the massive drip feed. If your DH is adamant his sister is not to be left alone with your kids, he should have been parenting your DD himself and not taking a nap

Fatiguedwithlife · 26/05/2026 20:39

Come back OP

Justcallmecarmen · 26/05/2026 20:38

I think your DH should parent his child and you should let your SIL relax and enjoy her holiday given that you don’t have the decency to thank her for her help.

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 20:38

MyLimeGuide · 26/05/2026 20:27

For giving her niece some sweets? Good lord call social services!!😂

So you missed the bit where the Op followed that up with worried about safety

Hanjusy · 26/05/2026 20:38

You don’t have a DSIL problem. You have a ‘D’H problem.

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 20:37

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 26/05/2026 20:08

Okay...If she is such a villain why is she on holiday with them?

Not saying you are wrong necessarily but its a weird thing to do no?

Show quote history

I would never ever leave my child alone with my sister. Now, I love her and would absolutely invite her on a family holiday with us BUT I know that she would likely be on her phone rather than holding my child’s hand as they cross the road; she would suggest that the wade out in to crashing waves because it looks fun; she’d completely forget sun cream no matter how much o reminded her beforehand; and she hates drinking water so she wouldn’t think about offering any

UKAddendum · 26/05/2026 20:37

If he was that bothered he should have been parenting his child, not taking a nap.

horsesaanddogs · 26/05/2026 20:36

You both sound nuts. Your poor sister in law.

Sartre · 26/05/2026 20:35

Suppose it depends on the almighty back story I’m expecting as a big drip feed- SIL is a junkie, criminal or similar. If not and it just comes down to her giving your DD sweets without your permission or posting pics of her online then YABU.

andfinallyhereweare · 26/05/2026 20:34

is your husband usually this controlling?

Arlanymor · 26/05/2026 20:33

Tooobvious · 26/05/2026 20:25

It’s not clear how your voting is set up. The question in the title was AIBU to let my SIL go for a walk with DD? Lots of people have voted YABU but I think what they really mean is YABU to say she shouldn’t go.

I didn't vote for the exact reason you have outlined.

AppleKatie · 26/05/2026 20:33

There’s a massive missing element here. Either SIL is a recovering addict who might sell pics of her niece for her next fix OR your DH is controlling. The overly dramatic language in your post leads me to think the latter. Are you ok OP?

Topjoe19 · 26/05/2026 20:31

There must be more to this. It can't be over sweets and photos surely?!

PancakeCloud · 26/05/2026 20:29

Unless we’re missing some key information seems perfectly fine for SIL to have taken DD5 for a walk.

MyLimeGuide · 26/05/2026 20:27

For giving her niece some sweets? Good lord call social services!!😂

itsgettingweird · 26/05/2026 20:26

There has to be more to this.

For a start how come your SIL is on holiday with you and DH? Is she an adult or child?

Why does your DH get to nap and leave you in charge but not in charge enough to make decisions?

What has your SIL done other than share some photos or give some sweets?

Im also in the camp that aunts and uncles and grandparents are exactly the people who should be giving the extra sweets as treats etc (unless you’re going to tell us she have a 1yo a toffee?!)

Tooobvious · 26/05/2026 20:25

It’s not clear how your voting is set up. The question in the title was AIBU to let my SIL go for a walk with DD? Lots of people have voted YABU but I think what they really mean is YABU to say she shouldn’t go.

properidiot · 26/05/2026 20:24

Lots of questions here.

If she can't be trusted why would you take her on holiday with you and your DCs?
How old is SIL?
Sharing photos that you didn't approve of doesn't mean she would be unreliable irl.

Sounds like you're being very OTT abou this unless there is a lot more to it!