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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

579 replies

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:09

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

OP posts:
EvieBB · 29/05/2026 08:01

Clonakilla · 29/05/2026 02:46

The jealousy dripping from this post 😂😂😂😂😂

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It might not be jealousy....just an observation....that's a very presumptuous leap you have made .....

followtheswallow · 29/05/2026 07:40

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2026 05:28

How exactly am I bullying you by telling you to assert yourself and not allow people to railroad you? Seriously, you can't blame others for your own unwillingness to say no. Take responsibility for saying yes rather than calling me sanctimonious! Jesus.

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Your tone is pretty unpleasant, to be honest, but I’m fairly sure that’s intentional.

RedToothBrush · 29/05/2026 05:28

Cycleaway · 28/05/2026 19:17

Oh do stop being so patronising. How does this sanctimonious comment help the OP or help with anything. No I didn’t need to do it, but I did because some overbearing person, not dissimilar to you, bullied me in to it.

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How exactly am I bullying you by telling you to assert yourself and not allow people to railroad you? Seriously, you can't blame others for your own unwillingness to say no. Take responsibility for saying yes rather than calling me sanctimonious! Jesus.

rainbowsparkle28 · 29/05/2026 03:03

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:37

I agree no one knows someone’s situation. But when she’s regularly posting in the group chat about trips to Disney, skiing and cruises (so far this year) and they are both driving brand new luxury cars I’m confident she’s not struggling.

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And?! How she chooses to spend her money (or not) is none of your business frankly. The whole things sounds a nightmare and incredibly gossipy and judgey and just a chance to shame others or to feel smug. Just say to people if you wish to contribute then do so (whatever amount you feel able to contribute no specific amount) by X date then go with whatever amount you receive to get the gift and put from all of the class. Easy and sensitive to everyone’s situation without excluding.

Clonakilla · 29/05/2026 02:46

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:37

I agree no one knows someone’s situation. But when she’s regularly posting in the group chat about trips to Disney, skiing and cruises (so far this year) and they are both driving brand new luxury cars I’m confident she’s not struggling.

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The jealousy dripping from this post 😂😂😂😂😂

Sweetnessandbite · 29/05/2026 02:40

Out of interest, if one child's parents genuinely couldn't afford to contribute, would they be left off the card?

I wouldn't expect double donation from a twin parent and definitely wouldn't mention it to anyone. However, her being well off and setting the amount of donation per child, is then a bit cheeky not following her own suggestion.

Girlsjustwannahavefunno1 · 29/05/2026 00:48

£10 is a lot for a teacher's gift.
My mum used to get them a chocolate orange for a pound.
You don't know that she can afford it.
It doesn't really matter anyway.
Let it go op .

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 21:14

Parker231 · 28/05/2026 16:13

A made up job. If the school needs the parents to receive any information, they will make it available.

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That particular pta paid for a lot for the kids. Leavers hoodies were a big thing. The pta organised them and paid for them. They got the orders via the class reps. Then distributed them. Something the school wouldn't really want to do.
They organised social events for the parents to raise money. Again, saving the school hassle. They also provided Christmas presents for each class. It was a very good pta and the system worked well

Cycleaway · 28/05/2026 19:17

RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 08:38

No one is forced to do the collection. Even if nominated. The word is No.

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Oh do stop being so patronising. How does this sanctimonious comment help the OP or help with anything. No I didn’t need to do it, but I did because some overbearing person, not dissimilar to you, bullied me in to it.

Ibizamumof4 · 28/05/2026 17:37

It’s a voluntary collection ? Even if a kids parent doesn’t put in their name still goes on card !

Parker231 · 28/05/2026 16:13

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 16:11

Class reps used to be on pta and act as a go between for the parents of that class and pta and school. Organising fundraising and class collections.
I know someone so full of their own importance that they appointed themselves as class rep. Even though there was already one in place.

Playground politics and egos are funny old things.

A made up job. If the school needs the parents to receive any information, they will make it available.

HarshbutTrue2 · 28/05/2026 16:11

Class reps used to be on pta and act as a go between for the parents of that class and pta and school. Organising fundraising and class collections.
I know someone so full of their own importance that they appointed themselves as class rep. Even though there was already one in place.

Playground politics and egos are funny old things.

Bananaloaf88 · 28/05/2026 16:00

The question here is, why does this annoy you?

As a teacher I can tell you with absolute certainty, the teacher won't care.

When I've taken part in collections for teachers it has always been a voluntary donation of your choice, not a set amount. It should be a donation per adult not child.

purpleme12 · 28/05/2026 13:11

Bloody hell that's a massive present/tonnes of money for this teacher!

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:09

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RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 13:06

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Not the same social circles.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:04

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Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 13:02

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RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 13:00

Exactly. I can't prove it.

Suffice to say I do know she's grifting with other things and has had to be pulled up on things before.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:57

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RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 12:55

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:09

Are you joking @RedToothBrush ? If not, are you alone in these suspicions? Why do you think that?

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Not joking.

Not going to go into reasons for it. I have only mentioned it to one other parent I trust and she's in agreement but it's not something I'd say further as it's not worth the agro and it's not my money.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:46

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Serenissimissima · 28/05/2026 12:39

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:07

Miracle they did well if they had crap teachers like I'd have appreciated any teacher spotting we had one right & one left handed twin. I'd have relished their class teacher (who was the SENCO) spotting that one boy had a verbal disfluency. !

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Technically proficient at teaching literacy and numeracy, and helped by demographic, small class sizes and engaged parents. But never any sense of going the extra mile, spotting issues or seeing the individual.

This whole thread assumes there should be gifts and it's just a question of how much parents should be expected to spend. I wouldn't contribute for my DTwins' teachers in that school because I didn't feel they deserved it, not because I'm a CF twin mum or unable to afford it. Other schools, other teachers: different decisions for sure.

TicklishMintDuck · 28/05/2026 12:24

£10 is a lot of money for many people. Why not reduce the amount for everyone, or let people offer what they can afford? The teacher doesn’t expect anything and certainly wouldn’t want people to feel they have to give a certain amount.

Ifihadlegs · 28/05/2026 12:09

RedToothBrush · 28/05/2026 08:40

One of the reasons I won't contribute to the class collection is because the parent who does it is always on the grift and I suspect she takes some of the money and keeps it for herself whilst buying everything on the cheap with vouchers.

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Are you joking @RedToothBrush ? If not, are you alone in these suspicions? Why do you think that?

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