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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

579 replies

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:09

Interested in how other people approach. We do a group collection for the school teacher every year. Another mum and I tend to take turns. Offered out to the rest but oddly no one else wants a turn! . We put in £10 each which is what we all agreed. . Two mums in the year have twins. One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

I’ve never really thought about it but the other mum that’s turn it is think we should say we’ve only received one contribution. The more I think about it the more I thinks she a bit cheeky but after 6 years don’t see the point in saying now. This mum is quite well off (one a Dr and one equal in terms of salary) whilst most other parents are on much lower salaries.

AIBU: don’t say
YANBU Say gives more money 😉

OP posts:
Alwayswonderedwhy · 26/05/2026 17:49

The twins are in the same class? Contributing the same amount as all the other families to is fine.
Don't worry, there's lots of other extra costs involved with having twins we have to pay out for so we're not being tight 😊

JessicaPeach · 26/05/2026 17:49

I have twins and there was a time I would have bent over backwards making sure I’d done the £20 but these days I’d give £10 to cover both rather than stretching to £20 to appease people like the op, who will no doubt talk about you no matter what you do. I’d rather keep the tenner!

DappledThings · 26/05/2026 17:47

Setting any expected amount is unreasonable full stop. I've organised the collection before. I take no notice of who has contributed or how much each, just the total I have at the end.

YABVU to have a minimum amount at all.

stichguru · 26/05/2026 17:46

You shouldn't be requiring anybody to contribute and the amount should be a choice. Twin mums have to buy 2 of most things, so maybe they have no option but to just pay for one of things that don't matter at all.

Beer3000 · 26/05/2026 17:45

I don't think you should state an amount for these collections. People should be able to choose what to contribute.

cadburyegg · 26/05/2026 17:44

I don’t think you should have an agreed amount. I have organised teacher collections and have always said put in what you can afford. It’s not compulsory. I agree with the poster who said gifts should only be purchased after collection of money

ReadingSoManyThreads · 26/05/2026 17:43

Oh behave!

Gruutbowl · 26/05/2026 17:42

I think you're right, but I also think it's not unusual for twin parents not to expect to pay for both DC in all sorts of situations.

That said, this collection is surely voluntary so there's no should about it?

Plus, i know it's not unusual, but collecting £300 per class is ridiculous.

igelkott2026 · 26/05/2026 17:42

TeddyBeans · 26/05/2026 17:14

It's not up to you what someone else pays. Even if your agreed amount is £10 per child, ultimately it's up to the parent to decide what they want to contribute.

Yes - there's nothing worse than the Alpha mother telling other mothers (and it's always the mothers, the dads get a free pass) what to do at the school gate.

Iocanepowder · 26/05/2026 17:42

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:24

To be clear no one has to contribute and some don’t. But the agreement is as £10
per child. If you don’t agree don’t put in.

It honestly doesn’t sound to me like the agreement works well if you’re more annoyed about getting £10 than her not contributing at all.

Lifeonapigfarm · 26/05/2026 17:42

You sound awful.

Original poster
TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:41

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 26/05/2026 17:28

That's such a horrible way to do things. I bet the teacher and TAs would agree.

Show quote history

That’s the way it was always done. It wasn’t started by me and neither was the amount we give . I followed suit from the previous years. I don’t think it’s to exclude kids as I’m sure they give individual gifts.

Interesting people saying about teachers accepting that value. No one at the school ever said anything about the value.

OP posts:
gentlemum · 26/05/2026 17:41

I would feel it’s fine to give just one donation as a twin mum. It’s the parents giving, not the child. It’s from parents to teacher to say thank you, so I feel it should be considered as one donation per parents. Regardless it’s a voluntary donation and making such a huge deal about it is ridiculous

Sirzy · 26/05/2026 17:41

This is why I hate whole class collections like this.

Parents should be able to donate what they want without a register being kept and judgement passed.

Iocanepowder · 26/05/2026 17:39

If you’re this annoyed about then extend the conditions to say contribution is not compulsary and nor is a specific amount. That’s what we do.

butimamonstersaidthemonster · 26/05/2026 17:39

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:37

I agree no one knows someone’s situation. But when she’s regularly posting in the group chat about trips to Disney, skiing and cruises (so far this year) and they are both driving brand new luxury cars I’m confident she’s not struggling.

Show quote history

Maybe that’s why she’s got no money??

Original poster
TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:37

butimamonstersaidthemonster · 26/05/2026 17:30

I think it’s crazy to be explicit about the amount. We just have a general if you’d like to donate. That way people can donate what they afford.
Also just because she has a high paying job doesn’t mean she’s got bags of money. Unless you’re her accountant you have no idea.

Edited

I agree no one knows someone’s situation. But when she’s regularly posting in the group chat about trips to Disney, skiing and cruises (so far this year) and they are both driving brand new luxury cars I’m confident she’s not struggling.

OP posts:
Whereareyourshoes · 26/05/2026 17:37

I organised school collections for years with the message of donate whatever you want, no pressure. And the gift was from everyone. No issues, no drama, happy teachers and TAs. You have no idea of anyone's true financial situation.

Thiswaythatwayforwardandbackway · 26/05/2026 17:37

Surely it's a voluntary donation, no one is obliged to contribute to teachers a gift. Perhaps others no longer wish to contribute due you being a CF?

Proberts90 · 26/05/2026 17:37

Blows my mind how petty some people can be.

@TheMumEdit that is.

ThejoyofNC · 26/05/2026 17:35

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:24

To be clear no one has to contribute and some don’t. But the agreement is as £10
per child. If you don’t agree don’t put in.

Why do you care so much?

JulieJo · 26/05/2026 17:34

It's entirely up to the parent how much they contribute.

Personally I don't think teaching staff should be allowed to accept gifts of this value.
In the NHS staff aren't allowed to accept gifts above a small value, so why are teaching staff allowed to?

A card should be enough and much more personal.

butimamonstersaidthemonster · 26/05/2026 17:30

I think it’s crazy to be explicit about the amount. We just have a general if you’d like to donate. That way people can donate what they afford.
Also just because she has a high paying job doesn’t mean she’s got bags of money. Unless you’re her accountant you have no idea.

WhatHappenedToYourFurnitureCuz · 26/05/2026 17:28

TheMumEdit · 26/05/2026 17:18

I am aware of that. But all the children’s names are on the card. Give as agree or do your own thing. Both are a choice

Show quote history

That's such a horrible way to do things. I bet the teacher and TAs would agree.

JillThePlantKiller · 26/05/2026 17:26

Couldn’t you just collect the money and hand over the gift without judging and gossiping?

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