AIBU to think a twin parent should contribute per child?

The OP should say - this is a group gift where everyone chips in £10 per child. If you don't want to give this amount per child, please either make your own individual gift or don't make a gift, whatever, but group gift requires £10 per child, end of.

This. Never come across this in all my years of teaching either. I get the occasional flowers, thank you card or little box of cupcakes. Which is lovely. Never had a collection and never been asked to put into one either (4 kids myself). I do give the Teacher a Costa voucher at the end of term normally. Have a coffee and cake on me type thing £10. No regular classroom assistants so that's all I buy. These things should be completely voluntary and just whatever each family can afford. It's a nice idea and nothing against it but I don't think it's the done thing in my LA and as others have said it has to be declared.

I’m a twin mum 🙋🏻‍♀️ I always send a present/card each to friends, etc but I think, twin mum or not, you shouldn’t be stipulating contributions.

We always just ask for donations in our collection, whatever people want to and can afford to contribute.

I seriously couldn't care what she put in to be honest.

We had something similar when ds1 was in primary and the amount of bitching that went on behind the mums back was absolutely disgusting. Without going into details why, she was a single mum of twins who had come to our are for a fresh start and was struggling and people moaned that she didn't pay for the children to go on the trips. She couldn't afford it, school paid and it was supposed to be confidential but people still talked.
One reason I was glad when my boys finished primary and we had less involvement with mums who wanted to organise everything and then judge other mums who didn't want to do things their way. ( never judged the dad's, funny that!)

Absolutely. I can never get my head around it when parents of two under 2 simply cannot see how twins are different to their situation.

I’m a twin mum too, it’s very expensive! Totally agree about the inability to work too, it simply doesn’t make sense when your childcare costs far outweigh your earnings. Easier now they’ve lowered the age for government free hours but impossible for most of us.

Would you really leave a child’s name off the card if their parent didn’t give the £10? Seems a bit harsh!

To add, the teachers obviously knew some hadn’t contributed as the going rate was a tenner a kid so if the teacher got £250, she knew a few hadn’t put in and obviously wanted to know who!! I mean it begs belief but money does strange things to people.

I hate gift collections. I can afford to donate to them but choose not to. I hate the social pressure to do something, I’d rather sort my own gift. In this case, she’s free to donate as she chooses or not at all even.

Maybe you’re just lucky or your area is different. But in Essex, most teachers I have come across (mum of 3) have been exactly like this at class whip round time.

Infact, I organised it a few times and refused to put individual names of those that had contributed, instead writing ‘Thanks blah blah blah, from all of Class X’. On two occasions I had the teachers message me privately to ask who specifically had contributed so they could thank those parents!! Which would then make the kids whose parents didn’t or couldn’t contribute feel like trash.

And if she says that's all she can afford? Then what should OP say?

She must be gutted to be unpopular.

Not everyone is as invested in teacher gifts as you are, OP.

Make it clear it’s £10 per child. When she only gives £10 for both her offspring you ask her why?????

Yes, i wanted to make a nice gesture at the time as we were having problems at school (my very placid daughter was being bullied) so the teacher and I were in communication a lot.

I remember thinking I’ll get a £30 TK Maxx voucher so she can get something decent and that will ‘see me through’ for her gifts for the year. I mean I didn’t vocalise that but I didn’t realise it would then become an expectation 🤣

It's crazy isn't it?

I’ll start by saying that I did always contribute twice the amount when mine were in the same class, always brought two gifts when they were both invited to a party etc.
So, YANBU about that.

However - twins do cost more! Even with 2 under 2, there are some things that can be re-used. All the potty training things. The pram attachment for the first 6m when the lie flat. Clothes - at least for the first year or two when they change size every 3-6months. I’ll stop there but we are already talking £100s.

And then the big one: when you have 2 under 2 you are allowed two maternity leaves vs just one with twins! Imagine how much it would cost a twin mum to self fund the second mat leave that other mums receive for free! We are now talking £1000s.

So please, don’t deny that twins are more expensive than singletons.

You’ve no idea what people’s personal finances are and if they are struggling so who cares

One mum pays per child (so £20) and the other pays £10 total so £5 per child.

So your OP was wrong? She didn’t pay £10
total?

You chose to have two children under 2. It’s completely different

That teacher was an outlier. I have never come across a teacher who thought that way, but then I've never worked in a school that had class collections or where teachers got £300 worth of gifts, either.

For a group gift you either put the same per child as everybody else, or do you own individual gift. Or you don't do a gift at all, but what you don't do is take advantage of other people by treating them unfairly.

Are you being deliberately obtuse, are you genuinely thick, or are you on the wind up?

It isn’t really a £240 gift though, is it. I’d agree that that would be inappropriate from one family.

Once divided between all the different staff, it’s a few pounds for the teacher from each family. That would hardly affect professional judgement even if it were individual gifts rather than a group gift.

Interestingly I have twins and we have the exact same set up, however when I sent £20 last Christmas the mum organising messaged me telling me I didn’t need to contribute twice and once would be absolutely fine per parent given how expensive Christmas is. I was happy to send the £20, but it was a nice response from her.

Food for thought.