AIBU to expect my 17-year-old to get dressed and walk the dog with a meltdown?

YANBU. It’s not easy is it?

MY 17yr old ND DS has already broken up for the summer holidays and so we’ve got 14 weeks of trying to motivate him. 🤯

Luckily, he’s not overly stroppy but it is a struggle getting him to go outside at all as he’s terrified of insects and bugs. It’s definitely a phobia and I think he needs hypnosis to cure him.

He’s currently gone to a friends house and won’t be back till Thursday evening and hopefully, he’ll be fairly chilled when he returns.

IT’S NOT BAKING HOT HERE!!!

DH took the dog out this morning when it was about 17° and it’s probably early 20’s now. I’m sat in my sunroom with the French door open but the windows are still closed and it’s lovely lolling on the sofa in here.

I knew there would be dog walking comments! The OP may possibly live somewhere like I do where it was 21C earlier when I took the dog out, and was very pleasant. The dog went swimming and was fine.
To answer the actual question no it’s not unreasonable to expect a 17 year old to do chores /walk the dog.
What would happen if you told her what you needed her to do that day but leave it up to her when to do it? Obviously not ideal when it’s a dog walk but could be clean the bathroom sometime today

Awful parenting?!

Its over 30 degrees 💐

This attitude is why young people are entering the workforce with no resilience and an entitled attitude. Awful parenting.

YANBU to want her to get up and do something
YABU to keep "telling" her to do things when it clearly doesn't work and ends up in an argument.

Obviously it's not ideal that she just stays in bed. Do you know why she is doing this? Is she depressed? Suffering from anxiety? Burnt out? Exhausted by trying to fit in with a "normal" circadian rhythm so goes to bed whenever possible?

Is she keeping up with her schoolwork?

Does she ever help around the house - in a way which is age and neurodivergence appropriate?

Does she have PDA?

Would she respond differently if you asked her rather than told her?

Could you find a non conflict filled moment to have a chat to her and explore what's going on?

My DD is exactly like this, but only 14 (she is also ND). I don't think trying to force her and causing arguments and shouting are helping her in the slightest, probably quite the opposite. Also its surely your dog?

Don’t “tell” her. You’re the one starting the battles.

Are you for real? So a 17 year old can lie in bed all day and anyone who doesn’t agree is micromanaging? Who do you expect to pay for food in this senario? Dear god, no wonder we’re in such a mess.

It's only partly about the heat and the dog tbf @Jimmycooper

"It feels like any time I ask her to do anything or suggest she does anything other than sit in her room , its armageddon and full on tantrums.
I’m absolutely sick of this.

Why is the fact that she's sitting in her room (her safe space) in her pj's so upsetting for you?

Your daughter is neurodiverse, she does not process the way you do, if you need immediate action to your suggestions, that will not work for her, so try not to get upset/frustrated.

As, when our children are small, we as parents, find strategies to encourage, it's the same for your neurodiverse daughter.

There really is no need for your home to become a warzone @Jimmycooper

Is there a word missing from your thread title-should it be without a meltdown?!

But yes, I think that’s a reasonable request

Whose dog is it? Did she have any say in what dog you got? If she had no say she has no responsibility

I think the issue she has no friends is more of an issue than her lack of dog walking.

Why does it have to be a screaming match? It takes two to argue and you're the adult so the onus is on you to stay calm. If she refuses to walk the dog, there should be consequences such as removal of phone, spending money or whatever collateral you can use. Parenting teens is more of a negotiation than a dictatorship. She's almost an adult, not a small child who should blindly obey!

Instead of asking her to do things or suggesting things she could do, have you really tried talking to her about how she is feeling? About her friendship difficulties?

Its 27 degrees where i am so i wouldn't even dream of walking a dog.

It's too hot for the dog and also I don't like it when a dog is just handed to someone who is emotionally unstable. That's not OK IMO.

I think I'll wait to comment if the the OP comes back & tells us where she is/what the temperature is. It's over 33° here, I'm walking to the fridge & back to get iced water (& the loo to let it out.) That's it!!

With respect, you have no idea what the temperature is where the OP lives. For instance, it's 17 and cloudy in Inverness right now

You are creating an argument
Leave her alone and stop micro managing

Was that this afternoon? At 6am this mirning, she probably had a point. At 4pm this afternoon, you probably had a point.

That said, ive got a 17 yr old right now. He's in desperate need of the break afforded by half term. DH has bribed him and his brother (15) to get some homework/revision out of the way tomorrow morning, and he'll take them out for their favourite food in the city (about an hour away). We are working on handing out carrots right now!!!!

@Jimmycooper

"when I can expect the house not to be a battlefield"

When you choose not to make it so?

If it is her dog, or she begged you to get it, then of course she should walk it, at some point. Of it's not, you should walk it.

I feel like this was rage bait who the hell wants to make their dog and child suffer in 32 degree heat. If you want a poorly burnt dog you crack on and take them for a walk don’t complain about the sick dog and the vet bill later

It’s 17 degrees where I am in the UK so fine to walk a dog so maybe don’t assume everywhere is the same….

yanbu id not allow the slobbery neurodiverse or not. I’d make sure she gets out and does some chores if not