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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

393 replies

PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 15:53

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

OP posts:
NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 16:57

The car is not king. Although from this thread you would think car drivers are doing you a massive favour by obeying the law and not running you over.

TurnAngerIntoHope · 26/05/2026 16:57

I don’t think YABU, but I do tend to put a hand up to say thanks when someone lets me cross, it’s a small positive gesture that takes hardly any effort on my part, is good manners and might make someone’s day that bit better, I think we all need a bit more positivity in our lives even if it’s in a small, menial way.

But you’re right in that they’re just doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I would never shout at someone for not thanking me for letting them cross when I’m driving, that’s more rude and unreasonable than them not thanking me, and is slightly unhinged behaviour. The people who shouted at you must have already been having a bad day for it to get to them that much.

Tshirtking · 26/05/2026 16:56

I always raise my hand to say thanks, it's basic manners and costs nothing

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 16:56

Judevalentine · 26/05/2026 16:51

I do yes. If it makes them feel appreciated and doesn’t cost me anything then why not?

It’s sad to me that you’re seeking validation for your habit of not being appreciative of other people’s good manners. No you don’t have to. But yes it contributes to everyone being nicer to each other.

😭😭

Season 1 Potato GIF by Paramount+
PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 16:55

MeltyMomenrs · 26/05/2026 16:42

Yes, so they have stopped, when they don't technically have to, to allow you to cross. Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that

A waitresses job is to bring you your meal, so according to your logic you don't need to thank them either...???

They should stop, the moment I set foot on the crossing they must stop, it's the law. It's not a special act of kindness or a service they are providing to me, they are just doing the absolute minimum thing they are supposed to do, i.e. not running over a pedestrian and her child.

OP posts:
cmonspring · 26/05/2026 16:54

I always say thank you as a pedestrian and the majority of people that I stop for as a driver say thank you.
surely it’s just basic manners

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 26/05/2026 16:54

When I’m driving I don’t care if anyone thanks me and if I’m crossing the road at a zebra crossing I don’t thank them as they’re obliged to stop at these by law. Other roads, where I cross, apart from traffic lights and push button crossings, yes I thank drivers for stopping to let me cross, it’s polite.

FaceIt · 26/05/2026 16:53

It’s called having basic manners and not being ignorant.
It doesn’t cost you anything.

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 16:53

MeltyMomenrs · 26/05/2026 16:42

Yes, so they have stopped, when they don't technically have to, to allow you to cross. Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that

A waitresses job is to bring you your meal, so according to your logic you don't need to thank them either...???

Again a waitress has provided you a service. A car stopping at a zebra crossing has not.

5arkypants · 26/05/2026 16:53

I’d be muttering ‘you’re welcome’ under my breath.

It’s simple manners.

ToyStory75 · 26/05/2026 16:52

It’s basic politeness to raise a hand to say thanks.

Tink3rbell30 · 26/05/2026 16:52

It's basic manners. Can't believe an adult needs to be told this.

Judevalentine · 26/05/2026 16:51

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 16:29

Do you thank the bus driver for stopping for you?

I do yes. If it makes them feel appreciated and doesn’t cost me anything then why not?

It’s sad to me that you’re seeking validation for your habit of not being appreciative of other people’s good manners. No you don’t have to. But yes it contributes to everyone being nicer to each other.

NooNakedJacuzziness · 26/05/2026 16:49

A little hand wave is polite. Or you could shout THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING ME if they get arsey

pambeesleyhalpert · 26/05/2026 16:47

Just put your hand up as a thank you. My 2 and 4 year olds do it!? It’s so rude otherwise

Thiswasanescapeplan · 26/05/2026 16:44

PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 16:42

Need to up my Britishness game. 😅

You also need to apologise to the person who pushes their trolley over your foot in the supermarket.

"Oh, dear, sorry!"

MeltyMomenrs · 26/05/2026 16:42

PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 16:04

True. But you're also not supposed to step onto a crossing until the traffic has stopped!

Yes, so they have stopped, when they don't technically have to, to allow you to cross. Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that

A waitresses job is to bring you your meal, so according to your logic you don't need to thank them either...???

PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 16:42

Thiswasanescapeplan · 26/05/2026 16:28

This is The Law of Britishness:

You do a little wave, you can add a thank you- they can't hear you but it's bonus points, and you do a little hurried fake jog-walk across to show that you appreciate them stopping for you and you don't want to take up their time.

Need to up my Britishness game. 😅

OP posts:
waitingquietly · 26/05/2026 16:40

It’s just good manners to say thank you . It’s also about managing other members of the human race . Say thank you and they are more likely to stop for you again . I personally think that’s worth the effort .

It’s a bit like saying morning to strangers when you are out on a walk

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 16:37

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 16:35

The bus driver has provided me with a service. A car stopping where it's supposed to has not.

Yabu sorry

Wamid · 26/05/2026 16:36

There was a lot of publicity when this new edition of the Highway Code came out. Priorities have changed regarding pedestrians, cyclists, horse riders etc. I was one of the guilty ones who hadn't looked at the HC for years, but I bought one £4.99 and had a read. An awful lot has changed with traffic positioning and who has what rights to the road.

If you are a driver (of any age) please get a copy of the 2023 edition and read it. Ignorance is not a reason if you have an accident.

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 16:35

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 16:33

So whats the difference? Its politeness

The bus driver has provided me with a service. A car stopping where it's supposed to has not.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 16:33

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 16:31

I thank him for doing his job.

So whats the difference? Its politeness

Indianajet · 26/05/2026 16:32

I always thank drivers who stop - no I don't have to, but it takes no effort to be polite and friendly.

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 16:31

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 16:29

Do you thank the bus driver for stopping for you?

I thank him for doing his job.