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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not thanking drivers for stopping at crossings?

393 replies

PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 15:53

Just wondering if I'm the one who's behaving unusually here!

I have to cross a busy main road to get to/from my DD's nursery. There are a couple of zebra crossings on the road but a lot of drivers barrel through them without even considering stopping for pedestrians. There are also cycle lanes to cross and cyclists IME are even less likely to stop at crossings - so there's a bit going on when trying to get across this particular road, I'm always quite cautious doing it.

I've twice had drivers put their windows down and shout at me for not thanking them for stopping, and I just wondered if I'm the only person who doesn't actually think it's necessary to thank a driver for stopping for me at a zebra crossing? I mean, they are supposed to stop! I certainly don't expect it when I'm driving - I think not mowing down pedestrians is kind of a bare minimum requirement, I don't expect thanks for not breaking the law (and as a pedestrian I don't expect drivers to thank me for being sensible and not just leaping into the road at the last moment either!).

I would always thank someone who stopped to let me cross in front of them somewhere where there isn't a crossing point, but it has never occurred to me to think that someone who stops at a crossing or red light is somehow doing me a favour by letting me across the road. Is it just me who doesn't get why some drivers are so offended?

YABU - you should always thank drivers for stopping, even if they're supposed to do it
YANBU - it's just basic rules of the road that they should be following anyway, thanking them is excessive

OP posts:
MustTryHarderAndHarder · 26/05/2026 19:23

It costs nothing so why not do it.

Spread a little happiness.

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 19:19

If more than one car stops. Should I be thanking all of them? What if I accidentally miss one out?

Original poster
PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 19:15

HoldItAllTogether · 26/05/2026 17:40

I thank lots of people who are just doing what they are meant to do It’s polite and friendly. It’s weird that you e been shouted at for not saying thank you though. Is there more the story? It seem odd.
When I drive I try to be very considerate of commercial vehicles and of motorbikes and I love getting thanked. I like the acknowledgement that I’ve been a considerate driver. Bikers and bus drivers are usually very good at saying thank you. It’s nice.
I bought my kids up to be very polite and I regularly got positive feedback about it. I think there is ‘polite privilege’ in the same way that there is ‘pretty privilidge
’

Nope, nothing else to the story other than some possible back story for the drivers that I don't know about! On both occasions I was pushing my daughter in her pushchair, we crossed the road and then the driver put their window down and started yelling at me about how I should have thanked them. Personally I think that's pretty unhinged behaviour, whatever your view on thanking/not thanking drivers at crossings.

OP posts:
MauriceTheMussel · 26/05/2026 19:14

smelps · 26/05/2026 18:01

Absolutely this! You’ve nailed it! It makes the world a nicer place and it IS the British law that we have all been brought up with.

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Let’s go a step further on Awkward British Foibles… the few times I have gone to raise my hand to say thanks, I get worried it might look like I’m kinda doing a STOP motion and telling them to slow down 🫣

Original poster
PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 19:11

MauriceTheMussel · 26/05/2026 17:34

I don’t nod or wave for the same reasons I don’t walk down the street repeating “thanks for not knifing me in the face as we passed each other! Toodles!!”, but as I’ve gotten older I have an additional reason: Highway Code/driving law knowledge is unbelievably shite, so on some level I think that thanking someone makes it seem like they did you a favour and will people treat it as an optional stop as times goes on

That's actually a really interesting point and not one I had thought about - I agree that Highway Code knowledge is terrible and a lot of drivers probably don't think there's any sort of obligation on them to stop for pedestrians. The lack of observational skill is also quite alarming - even though these crossings were installed at least a couple of years ago a lot of drivers don't seem to have a clue they're even there!

OP posts:
DelilahBucket · 26/05/2026 19:05

No, you don't have to thank them, BUT, I'm all for making the world a nicer place and if that means I'm extra polite when I don't need to be, or say good morning as I'm passing a stranger in the street, then surely it is better all round to just be a nice person.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 19:03

DressOrSkirt · 26/05/2026 18:56

YANBU
You don't have to thank them for following basic, or any, rules of the road.
Also, shouting at you from their car while you are crossing in front of them could be considered harassment.

I don’t do the polite thing because I have to, @DressOrSkirt - I do it because I think it helps make the world better - even if it’s only a tiny bit better.

Flamingojune · 26/05/2026 19:02

Its a tiny gesture that goes a long way. Why not add to positivity.

Original poster
PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 19:01

NotTheOrdinary · 26/05/2026 17:24

Am I allowed to flick the V at the ones who don't stop?

That sounds fair enough to me. 😅

OP posts:
igelkott2026 · 26/05/2026 19:00

DisrobeDatrobe · 26/05/2026 18:55

I've never been thanked by a driver for waiting at a pedestrian crossing while they drive through! I don't believe they should be thanked for obeying the Highway Code. I always thank any drivers who stop when they are not obliged to.

Yes very good point.

Although sometimes I do thank pedestrians if they wait for me when I am turning into a side road.

Original poster
PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 18:59

JillThePlantKiller · 26/05/2026 17:23

This reminds me of my autistic toddler who had very precise, functional language and resisted redundancies as if they’d kill him.

May I have a biscuit, please?
May I have a biscuit?
Give me a biscuit.

They’re functionally similar but each will be appropriate in different contexts. Thank you is an even harder word to grasp the purpose of when your mouth is full of biscuit, and you’ve already got what you want.

There’s a lot of soft power in being polite. It isn’t obligatory but it matters.

This analogy is pretty nonsensical. This isn't a teaching situation, I'm not incapable of saying thank you when I believe it's warranted, and I don't need "soft power" - I just need to get across the road. That's literally it. I need to cross the road, they need to not run me over and then they carry on with their journey and neither party ever sees the other again.

OP posts:
igelkott2026 · 26/05/2026 18:58

Lahsania · 26/05/2026 16:04

Good god. What is the world coming to. Cars stop at zebra crossings due to being sane. You don’t have to thank them. Do they thank pedestrians for not rushing in front of them?

Nope they think pedestrians should be target practice for their SUVs and they put their foot to the floor to hit them.

(not all drivers)

(not all SUV drivers)

igelkott2026 · 26/05/2026 18:56

Ha ha my mum and I "argue" (have mild disagreement) over this. I thank people for stopping at a zebra crossing (or if I am crossing a side road) but not a pelican/toucan crossing. If they have a red light they have to stop whatever. My mum thinks you should thank everyone.

DressOrSkirt · 26/05/2026 18:56

YANBU
You don't have to thank them for following basic, or any, rules of the road.
Also, shouting at you from their car while you are crossing in front of them could be considered harassment.

DisrobeDatrobe · 26/05/2026 18:55

I've never been thanked by a driver for waiting at a pedestrian crossing while they drive through! I don't believe they should be thanked for obeying the Highway Code. I always thank any drivers who stop when they are not obliged to.

Original poster
PedestrianAbuse · 26/05/2026 18:53

Tink3rbell30 · 26/05/2026 17:14

Now you know it's bad manners are you going to start saying thanks now?

AIBU isn't some sort of binding referendum that creates an obligation on the OP to change their opinions and/or behaviours based on how people respond. I can be interested in people's views without ultimately changing my own mind - and you are conveniently overlooking the ~40% of people who have bothered to vote who think similarly to me. So there clearly isn't a universal view on whether it's bad manners or just something that neither party needs to make any sort of fuss about.

OP posts:
Nesbi · 26/05/2026 18:41

The world is full of awful drivers who will pretend not to see you and just drive straight across. That sort of behaviour could become the norm - in some countries it certainly seems to be. So why not reward people who play by the rules with a little nod of the head - an acknowledgment that you and they are holding the line, playing fair, and doing your bit to keep society running smoothly? It takes almost zero effort and spreads good vibes.

Restlessdreams1994 · 26/05/2026 18:31

YANBU. People are so entitled these days and expect to be constantly acknowledged for every tiny thing they do.

The person crossing the road could be newly bereaved, could have just been told they have cancer, could have been up all night with a sick child, could have just split from their partner, could have any number of reasons why boosting the ego of a driver is not uppermost in their mind. Having a go at them for not thanking the driver for obeying the highway code and giving way as expected is just ridiculous.

Galaxylights · 26/05/2026 18:31

ticklyfeet · 26/05/2026 18:25

Or the cyclist who mowed down my 81yr old mum who had ventured out for her Sunday paper at 9am. The road was deserted but she pressed the button at the crossing and waited for the "green man" before crossing...whoosh! hit by a cyclist, both wrists broken.
Did he stop...no!
She never fully recovered and went downhill quickly thereafter.
She lost her confidence to go out on her own, lost her ability to lift a kettle, etc.
The reason for telling you all this is, he had the damn nerve to yell at her "get out of the way you stupid bitch".
So you can't win. You stop to let them pass and you're yelled at! You cross at an electronic crossing and your yelled at for doing the right thing. Pedestrians can be in a no win situation.

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Wow nasty POS! Cannot believe he didn't stop. Surely that's a crime!

Galaxylights · 26/05/2026 18:29

Manners maketh the man (person)

I always say thank you, when driving or crossing myself. Just a little hand up, doesn't need to be a curtsey.

No need for anyone to be an arrogant twerp, manners are lost nowadays.

RaininSummer · 26/05/2026 18:29

It really doesn't hurt to wave an acknowledgement does it? You don't have to buy them flowers.

BrieWisteria · 26/05/2026 18:27

I read this as:
AIBU for not thanking cross dressers for driving at stops?

Time for my first wine of the week.

GrillaMilla · 26/05/2026 18:27

ticklyfeet · 26/05/2026 18:25

Or the cyclist who mowed down my 81yr old mum who had ventured out for her Sunday paper at 9am. The road was deserted but she pressed the button at the crossing and waited for the "green man" before crossing...whoosh! hit by a cyclist, both wrists broken.
Did he stop...no!
She never fully recovered and went downhill quickly thereafter.
She lost her confidence to go out on her own, lost her ability to lift a kettle, etc.
The reason for telling you all this is, he had the damn nerve to yell at her "get out of the way you stupid bitch".
So you can't win. You stop to let them pass and you're yelled at! You cross at an electronic crossing and your yelled at for doing the right thing. Pedestrians can be in a no win situation.

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That's disgraceful, I'm so sorry

andnowwhatdowedo · 26/05/2026 18:26

Wamid · 26/05/2026 17:58

P7 Rue H2. I suggest you read all of the HC if you are not familiar with it. There is also guidance and rules about exiting roundabouts.

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Thank you, and I see the 2022 clarification 'drivers and riders should give way to pedestrians waiting to cross a zebra crossing, and MUST give way to pedestrians on a zebra crossing.' So it's a should rather than a must if the pedestrian is waiting to cross. Interesting, but in practice as a pedestrian you still have to wait to see if they stop.
I have never been a driver BTW so perhaps my lack of familiarity with the HC is understandable. I do know the correct practice for pedestrians, most of which I was taught at school, and often wish that on dark roads that people would remember to wear light-reflective clothes.

deeahgwitch · 26/05/2026 18:26

PinkPerpetue · 26/05/2026 16:05

It’s basic good manners to thank them.

I agree.