Do l always have to factor his embarassment into things?

I've divorced someone for less than this. I don't tolerate idiots.

One of the reasons I’m divorced is because whenever I had to make a decision, my automatic thought process was ‘what will annoy DH the least’. I finally realised that is not normal or healthy.

His antagonistic and critical behaviour towards you is deliberately designed to make sure that you are walking on eggshells all the time, worrying about what he's going to find fault with next.

Whatever you do or don't do will be wrong. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you'd taken the can of cider, he'd have told you that you embarrassed him by being an out-of-control drunk and you shouldn't have taken it.

What he is doing to you is a form of gaslighting and coercive control.

YANBU, bbbbut…

Theres zero point trying to convince him of your point. It will be a colossal waste of your time and energy and nerves. He IS right in that he (and you!) are ALLOWED to feel whatever you like. However, feelings aren’t facts.

That said, as above, that took me like a year of therapy to finally “get”, so just skip all that with him. It’s going to boil down to a) you leave or b) you say to yourself “fine, feel like that” and just crack on because how you’re acting isn’t unreasonable but he won’t be convinced of that, so save your breath.

I honestly through that i was going to read that you got wasted at the festival and was sick on someone’s lap or similar.

You know that your behaviour isn’t embarrassing and I bet he’s like this with other stuff. The fact you had to ask means that he has probably worn you down. Please consider whether you want your children growing up with a dad who behaves like this.

Ha ha, f### he's sensitive. What the hell is he going on about. He can be embarrassed but you aren't being embarrassing, I can't imagine many people coping with how sensitive he is. And no it's not the same as him defrosting the freezer and wasting money. Jeez you've got patience putting up with him.

Nailed it!
You’ll probs put up with it for a while yet but one day you’ll walk.
Not speaking is a form of abuse.
Get your ducks in a row!

You are NOT responsible for him being embarrassed- that is on him. He is being controlling and very unreasonable for blaming you!

He can get out of the manosphere or get in the sea.

What’s the rest of the story, @SweatySpider321? As a pp has mentioned, this sort of thread generally reveals a vast amount of ill treatment underneath.

The behaviour you’ve spoken of so far makes no sense at all - you have done nothing remotely embarrassing so there is nothing for your husband to be ‘embarrassed’ about.

So why is he really doing this?

Your husband is a weirdo.

I would be tempted to make my leaving plans, maybe secretly. Oh, and next time we were out together and someone asked me something, so tempted to say, "Not sure how to respond. Have to ask my other half, cos he gets embarrassed by me answering incorrectly, and then I get the silent treatment for days. So, do I want a coffee, husband?"

He sounds like a twat.

It's not you OP. He just likes being an arsehole and belittling you.
Is this the relationship you want? Because I couldn't stand his behaviour. Instant ick. Couldn't have any respect for him.

He sounds like he has a screw lose!

This. It's not very subtle and easily deniable because he's just saying you embarrassed him but his claim of embarrassment is his way of making you dance to his tune.

Think how many other examples you have @SweatySpider321 where you have kept quiet or gone against your wishes/instincts because of how he will react or has reacted in the past.

Your instincts are there to protect you and those you love, please don't ignore them and let this 'man' put his wants above your needs. But be careful, he is likely to escalate when you enforce your boundaries.

Posts like this tend to be a drip feed, with this sort of twattery just being the tip of the iceberg. If someone had a go at me for turning down a can (and let's get this straight, he's not embarrassed, he is just finding needless ways to tell you off for nothing) I'd tell them I was sick of their pointless judgement and the next time I 'embarassed' them would be by presenting them with a divorce request.

Just play him at his own game

tell him you are enbarrassed a grown man left the freezer oen and lost a lot of food

and just carry on in that vain. And tell him he can’t be angry with you because it’s you that is embarrassed

works both ways

He has contempt for you and that’s the end of a marriage. You can have a successful marriage with a lot of different kinds of relationships, but not contempt.

Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Trying to make you feel embarrassed or awkward to moderate your behaviour to fit with what he wants is controlling.

What does he bring to this relationship? Because he honestly sounds awful

He's a grade A utter wanker

Well.....the fact that you're ASKING is very weird. Hes a twat. Get rid

He sounds like he is being eaten up by social anxiety. He could get help for this but it is not your responsibility to manage it for him.