Do l always have to factor his embarassment into things?

OP I think you are being unreasonable about the cider. if I were married to that twat I'd neck every cider offered to me and have a whiskey chaser too.

He's a total fuckwit. I'm sorry that I cannot be more constructive.

Edit - typo

The votes show who is in the wrong here. Please show your husband so he can feel embarrassed again….. about himself 🙌🙌

It is seriously weird to find either of those two essentially trivial incidents embarrassing, let alone to be still sulking about it and refusing to speak to you several weeks later. He's clearly trying to get you into a state of mind where you are walking on eggshells all the time for fear of upsetting him. Tell him to grow the fuck up or get out.

He’s a right Willy. Does he have any good points?

Just imagine a chill future with no dickhead, bliss!

The fact that he "is not speaking to you" when you are two fully grown adults who are supposed to care for each other is warning enough. The situations you describe are not remotely embarrassing, and even if you tried to factor in his embarrassment as you ask in your post, how could you possibly guess what would embarrass him, since it makes absolutely no sense? You could never win.

He doesn't get to tell you how to behave. He is completely unreasonable. You shouldn't live like this.

So he is not speaking to you! I think you should enjoy the silence.
When he starts talking to you,I’d ’embarrass’ him again and enjoy the peace once more!!

What a knober!

Sorry to say, but I don’t think he likes you very much and/or seems extremely full of himself. I would be starting to plan the future without him. To me, it seems as though every little thing you do is irritating him. Stop pleasing him, tell him to fuck off.

I like that you aren't letting him project his shit onto you. You have a strong sense of yourself, stick with that.

Nobody should ever be in trouble for not having an alcoholic drink, or for not getting drunk. Nobody should allow children to be around people who think that’s something you can criticise people for. Anybody who has children with someone who thinks that is failing the first step of being a good parent. Don’t do it.
Your husband isn’t embarrassed, he’s mad you’re not letting yourself be controlled by him, and you should get him out of your life. You’re allowed to be angry because he’s criticising you. Don’t let him twist this, get angry and get single. He doesn’t need to agree with you to be divorced.

Where the hell did you find this guy? He sounds like he has some inferiority complex issues going on.

Is this recent behaviour or has he always been like this?

Are there any other examples of you being "embarrassing" [according to him]?

What's your relationship like with his mum? Because if my husband was chatting this shit, I'd be complaining to the manufacturer.
And what's his reaction when you fill your house with your friends and family? Do you have any siblings? I'd absolutely be inviting my sister over just to show him I'm not reliant on him for adult interaction.
We all know abusers like to get their victims isolated and dependent on them. Show him you're not.

LTT (leave the twat)

He's either really stupid or he thinks YOU are either really credulous or likely to be intimidated into doing whatever he wants if he bullies you enough each time you don't. And if he genuinely thinks that your being angry, upset, or annoyed that he has tried to bully/control you is equivalent to his being embarrassed because you didn't want a drink or didn't need a childminder then my vote is for "really stupid", whatever else he may be.

Don't get angry, just get rid!

Don't want the kids thinking this is what normal relationships look like. And that women should tolerate it.

Nothing even remotely embarrassing here. I don’t think he gets to tell a grown adult when and what they have to drink and how they have to manage their day.
Completely different to being angry when he leaves a freezer open when on holiday!
To be frank he should be embarrassed that as an adult man he’s making such a fuss about non events. If this kind of control manifests in other parts of your relationship, you may need to consider things further.

He’s weird

Get this one to fuck OP. Husband or not, he despises you and this has red flags all over it.

But you started the thread thinking and clearly very decisively that he is unreasonable
and everything we are telling you about him being a knob - you seem to also know already.

Sp don’t waste your time getting
msneyyers opinions. Trust your own and do something about the horrible
marriage you have found yourself in

That's not the point. He told the OP she should never feel angry with him because that's the same as him feeling 'embarrassed'. She wasn't allowed to be annoyed about the freezer and all the ruined food, even though they both knew it was his fault. So basically he is controlling everything she says or does.

Even if the OP had been a real arse about this there can be no justification for saying that she embarrassed him by declining to accept a can of cider… that’s off the chart unreasonable behaviour.

Its not even rational. I can’t even grasp conceptually why not accepting a proferred drink is unreasonable. Are you expected to consume everything you are given at all times in case someone takes offence? What if someone handed you something which you were allergic to? Would you have to put up and shut up?

As PPs have pointed out this has nothing to do with the supposed offence. Its a stick to beat you with and if it wasn’t this something equally childish and petty would have set him off.

I don't believe that he was genuinely "embarrassed" by either of the examples you gave. Not for a second.

Coercively controlling men often respond to their wives completely normal behaviour with "you're an embarrassment", or "you embarrassed me" as a means of gradually eroding their self confidence and making them question their own reality over time. It's quite effective because it makes the victim question their own social behavior to the extent that they end up not only falling over themselves to placate their partner, but also socially anxious and wanting to isolate themselves, which in turn increases their dependence on their partner.

I fear this is the tip of the ice-berg, OP.

I like to see both sides of the argument but he has no absolutely no argument in this.

He’s being completely U and I can’t see how he can’t see that.

Unfortunately he’ll likely say we’re just agreeing with you because we’re all women.

Well, he is clearly a colossal twat.

But...

He was referencing when l was annoyed about him leaving the chest freezer open the last time we went on holiday, despite the waste and issues it caused.

I think a bit more info is needed here, to know just how twattish his justification is. How annoyed were you over what was presumably a frustrating but genuine mistake? How did you show that annoyance?