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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop arranging things for my stepdaughters and step back?

105 replies

CrossWit · 26/05/2026 13:50

My stepdaughters are tweens and I’ve been with their dad for seven years. I’ve tried to build a relationship with both of them individually but they’re not interested in spending time with me unless it’s a collective shopping trip.

AIBU to just back off and leave them to it? I’m still going to be kind and welcoming when they’re here, but not bother planning days out for them or hobbies or anything else.

OP posts:
PhotosOfUs · 26/05/2026 14:00

I would. Leave it to your partner as the parent.

I had a step mum and step dad and I really wasn’t interested in spending any time with them. I wish they both would have just stepped back and let me be with my parent.

TheWonderhorse · 26/05/2026 13:55

Do they refuse to go out with you? Or go along but pretend they're doing you a massive favour by going? Because tweens can be arseholes even if they love you.

sprigatito · 26/05/2026 13:54

I think that depends on what kind of relationship you want with them going forward. Kids can become a bit more materialistic and self-absorbed as they approach adolescence, they need the adults in their lives to bear with them a bit and persist in building and maintaining bonds. You are absolutely not obliged to do that for them, but you won’t be close to them as older teens and adults - how do you feel about that?

Does their father put the time in to model healthy relationship behaviour, does he arrange outings and spend time with them? He is the one who really has to do it, not you!

DalmationalAnthem · 26/05/2026 13:53

It's fine, they're there to be parented by their father. It's his role to organise days out and their hobbies, meals, cleaning up after them, transport etc.

Error404FucksNotFound · 26/05/2026 13:51

Sounds fine. If they arent interested then you are respecting their wishes.