Page 4 | Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

ellie09 · 2026-05-26T11:31:26+00:00

Hi all, Am I right to be *slightly* miffed (not hugely, though)? My sister recently got engaged last month, and we received an invite yesterday to her engagement party. The engagement party is 4 days before our wedding, so in the same week. Obviously, I know it wont overshadow a wedding, but it did leave a *bit* of a sour taste in my mouth. I obviously havent said anything to family etc.

CointreauVersial · 26/05/2026 13:03

It wouldn't bother me. It's only an engagement party, not her actual wedding.

Maybe just enjoy the break from your own planning/running around, and have a nice evening.

It's not for you to worry about other people's finances. If they can't afford to go, they won't.

Original poster

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:59

Growingaseed · 26/05/2026 12:52

Is it possible for her to still move it? Or are invites sent?

You will be busy that weekend if the wedding is anything like my own!

My friend organised for her baby shower to be the weekend before my wedding (4 hours journey) and I had to decline.

Your situation very different though (worse) I would have a word if it's possible otherwise just let her know you might not be relaxed or able to come for long.

Invites sent already - first time I heard about it was when I got the invite!

She is the youngest, and the golden child. Noone in my family would say anything.

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Peterdottir · 26/05/2026 12:58

SmoothCollie · 26/05/2026 12:54

She is being U, but so is having your wedding on a Wednesday.

My parents did in 1970 😆

Larrythecatforpm · 26/05/2026 12:56

she is being unreasonable. I wouldn’t go and would make excuses that your to busy/no money for the wedding. What kind of person does that? Fair enough two weeks before but not 4 days!

SmoothCollie · 26/05/2026 12:54

She is being U, but so is having your wedding on a Wednesday.

Growingaseed · 26/05/2026 12:53

IDontLikeMondays88 · 26/05/2026 12:39

I had a friend who did this sort of thing. She had been engaged for a whlle and hadn’t organised a wedding at all. We got engaged and booked wedding for 9 months later she then booked her wedding for a month before ours. I did feel she wanted to be the one married first don’t really know why and also keep the spotlight on her as much as possible.

but obviously you can’t say anything but that is what I thought at the time. In retrospect I can see she is a weirdly competitive person.

I think a month before is absolutely fine. Wedding season is typically quite short so it's hard to fit dates in with venues and key guests etc. Think you've massively over thought that one.

HelenaWilson · 26/05/2026 12:53

Why does everyone assume the date was entirely the sister's choice? She has a fiance. Presumably he (she?) has a family. Maybe the date suits them for some reason which they think is more important than op's wedding.

Growingaseed · 26/05/2026 12:52

Is it possible for her to still move it? Or are invites sent?

You will be busy that weekend if the wedding is anything like my own!

My friend organised for her baby shower to be the weekend before my wedding (4 hours journey) and I had to decline.

Your situation very different though (worse) I would have a word if it's possible otherwise just let her know you might not be relaxed or able to come for long.

Pandorea · 26/05/2026 12:49

If she’s only 19 she may not have enough life experience to have thought of practicalities. Is it worth saying to her that you wondered if she might like to delay it by a month or so to let everyone focus properly on it and her when it happens?

Peterdottir · 26/05/2026 12:49

As she's only 19 and you said she isn't attention seeking then my view is that it isn't malicious. She knows that only 4 days before your wedding everyone is going to be really excited (but hopefully not too stressed) and is thinking it will make for a really lovely atmosphere for her party.

DemonsRocks · 26/05/2026 12:46

I wouldn't be too bothered about an engagement party, I don't see the need for them. I can't see too many people attending the engagement party in place of your wedding.

To me an engagement party is just a waste of money when you could be saving for a wedding. It's grabby.

She probably hasn't considered the date being close.

Original poster

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:43

DontReplyAll · 26/05/2026 12:39

It’s not great etiquette, I’m surprised your parents haven't said anything to her.

However rather than taking anything away from your wedding it’s probably going to be the other way round - all anyone is going to be able to talk about at her engagement party is your forthcoming wedding.

I likely wont be able to stay too long either - too much to do etc before the wedding. Going to be no money either as all be going to final payments for the wedding.

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TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2026 12:43

It wouldn't bother me I would just be very happy for my sisters but they're not attention seeking types at all, infact it would probably be me telling them to book the best day that works for them.

If she's 19 then I woukd put it down to pure excitement and not anything malicious.

DappledThings · 26/05/2026 12:42

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:40

We are hosting family the night before our wedding and my mum is helping me out with some of the prep. Theres going to be a LOT of running about from a week before the wedding.

Not to mention, most of the family are ALREADY paying out money to attend a wedding that week, so hard on pockets for some going.

Show quote history

Well if it's really inconvenient for people then lots just won't go to the engagement thing. It's no harm no foul to you.

Original poster

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:40

DappledThings · 26/05/2026 12:38

One of those things that wouldn't bother me in the least but I can see it might bother some so I wouldn't do it. It wouldn't occur to me to think she had some nefarious intention because I don't understand what that intention might be.

What's the negative impact? That you aren't the centre of everyone's thoughts for an embargoed period around your wedding? I couldn't bring myself to think that way.

We are hosting family the night before our wedding and my mum is helping me out with some of the prep. Theres going to be a LOT of running about from a week before the wedding.

Not to mention, most of the family are ALREADY paying out money to attend a wedding that week, so hard on pockets for some going.

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MrsOni · 26/05/2026 12:39

It wouldn't bother me. Unless you think she has picked that date deliberately then at worst it's just a bit thoughtless, and people are allowed to be thoughtless.

Your wedding is obviously the most important thing in the world to you right now, but it isn't to anyone else, really. You sister is probably just excited to be engaged.

DontReplyAll · 26/05/2026 12:39

It’s not great etiquette, I’m surprised your parents haven't said anything to her.

However rather than taking anything away from your wedding it’s probably going to be the other way round - all anyone is going to be able to talk about at her engagement party is your forthcoming wedding.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 26/05/2026 12:39

I had a friend who did this sort of thing. She had been engaged for a whlle and hadn’t organised a wedding at all. We got engaged and booked wedding for 9 months later she then booked her wedding for a month before ours. I did feel she wanted to be the one married first don’t really know why and also keep the spotlight on her as much as possible.

but obviously you can’t say anything but that is what I thought at the time. In retrospect I can see she is a weirdly competitive person.

DappledThings · 26/05/2026 12:38

One of those things that wouldn't bother me in the least but I can see it might bother some so I wouldn't do it. It wouldn't occur to me to think she had some nefarious intention because I don't understand what that intention might be.

What's the negative impact? That you aren't the centre of everyone's thoughts for an embargoed period around your wedding? I couldn't bring myself to think that way.

Original poster

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:38

ThejoyofNC · 26/05/2026 12:36

It must be on a pretty random day of the week? I'd be annoyed about that too, it just seems unnecessary.

Its a Saturday and our wedding is the following Wednesday.

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Original poster

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:37

NattyRedFinch · 26/05/2026 12:36

I think she’s out of order. A month after your wedding would be more appropriate

They aren't in a hurry to get married either!

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ThejoyofNC · 26/05/2026 12:36

It must be on a pretty random day of the week? I'd be annoyed about that too, it just seems unnecessary.

purplecorkheart · 26/05/2026 12:36

Seems a but of a mean thing to do, given that you are all relatively local unless there are some friends who are home from abroad.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 26/05/2026 12:36

Yanbu

NattyRedFinch · 26/05/2026 12:36

I think she’s out of order. A month after your wedding would be more appropriate