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Original poster

Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

108 replies

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:31

Hi all,

Am I right to be slightly miffed (not hugely, though)?

My sister recently got engaged last month, and we received an invite yesterday to her engagement party.

The engagement party is 4 days before our wedding, so in the same week.

Obviously, I know it wont overshadow a wedding, but it did leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

I obviously havent said anything to family etc.

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 26/05/2026 14:07

I think that’s a bit off as well.

NadjaofAntipaxos · 26/05/2026 14:06

ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 14:01

So it’s not even real then is it? 🤣 it’s two children trying to play grown up!

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Well indeed. And how are they paying to host 99 guests? Is it your parents footing the bill?

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 26/05/2026 14:05

@ellie09 Whilst I don't think you are BU at all OP, I would count yourself lucky that by getting engaged and having the party before your big day at least your sister will be unable to pull off the ultimate dickish trick of being proposed to at your wedding.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2026 14:04

Gloriia · 26/05/2026 13:51

People attending will have already made arrangements and spent money on a wedding present. They won't want an engagement do just days before.

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As I said though, this is just an engagement party. Sounds like most people are local and it doesn't have to involve expensive presents like weddings are more likely to.

Growlybear83 · 26/05/2026 14:01

Gloriia · 26/05/2026 13:51

People attending will have already made arrangements and spent money on a wedding present. They won't want an engagement do just days before.

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But why not? It’s only a party, and not a huge formal event. Surely it’s not unheard of for people to attend more than one social event in the space of a week? I can understand that some people migjt find it more difficult to attend ykur wedding on a Wednesday, but what’s wrong with a party on a Saturday night when a large proportion of people would be out anyway.

ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 14:01

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 13:59

Not for a long time - neither of them have full time jobs, live together etc

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So it’s not even real then is it? 🤣 it’s two children trying to play grown up!

Original poster
ellie09 · 26/05/2026 13:59

ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 13:57

If she is 19 I highly doubt this engagement will ever lead to a wedding. Surely no one is even taking it seriously? All the weirder for her to be having it so close to your wedding!

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Not for a long time - neither of them have full time jobs, live together etc

OP posts:
ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 13:57

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 12:35

No, she's not usually an attention seeking type etc. Quite quiet etc. She is young though - 19, so it may be some immaturity there (not thinking etc)

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If she is 19 I highly doubt this engagement will ever lead to a wedding. Surely no one is even taking it seriously? All the weirder for her to be having it so close to your wedding!

ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 13:56

Actually this has prompted me to tell a story about my own family which I think is bizarre but it’s about parents and children instead.

My cousin is getting married abroad. For various reasons to do with dates, annual leave, weather and a festival taking place in the location, the wedding date is the same weekend as her parents’ 40th wedding anniversary.

Originally they decided they were going to have a party the day after the wedding at their air BnB with all the hungover guests invited but have since found out they aren’t allowed to do that. All the wedding guests are invited to go down to the beach the day after the wedding instead apart from my uncle and aunt have still invited some select guests to a rival gathering at the air BnB at the same time to celebrate their anniversary. I find it most bizarre. If they want to celebrate, why not have a party a couple of weeks before or after when they will be able to invite their actual friends, not the friends of their daughter and a few family members?

IDontLikeMondays88 · 26/05/2026 13:55

Maybe - it was more that the minute I said we had booked hers was booked despite not having been that bothered previously and having been engaged for a whole.

at my hen night she caused a row and then was late for my wedding 🤪

just always everything has to be about her much as she’s a friend

katseyes7 · 26/05/2026 13:55

If she's young, she might just have not thought about it.
When l was getting married, our office junior (she was 17) was being married on the same day as me. And she sent me an invitation to her wedding.

RubyMentor · 26/05/2026 13:55

I didn't think that engagement parties were a thing these days, although I remember them being popular back in the 80's / 90's. Showing my age now!

Empress13 · 26/05/2026 13:52

It’s a shitty thing to do IMO she could have picked any week that’s as long as that one week was the only one available

Original poster
ellie09 · 26/05/2026 13:51

SparklyGlitterballs · 26/05/2026 13:51

I had loads of things to do in the days before my wedding. I wouldn't want the added stress of attending a party a few days before. You'd be quite reasonable to say you can't attend due to no time/too much to do/lack of funds etc

Strong likelihood it may be a quick 1 hour in then back home, luckily its only 2 min drive away.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 26/05/2026 13:51

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2026 13:48

4 days before wouldn't bother me at all. It's just a party, not another wedding.

People attending will have already made arrangements and spent money on a wedding present. They won't want an engagement do just days before.

SparklyGlitterballs · 26/05/2026 13:51

I had loads of things to do in the days before my wedding. I wouldn't want the added stress of attending a party a few days before. You'd be quite reasonable to say you can't attend due to no time/too much to do/lack of funds etc

lornad00m · 26/05/2026 13:50

She's still technically a teenager. So perhaps on the immature side when everything in life is still about her. In years to come she may look back on this decision and be mortified.

Just enjoy her party as a gearing up for the main event, your wedding.

Hope you have a wonderful day! 🎉

ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 13:49

Bunnyotter1896 · 26/05/2026 13:26

Its out of order. I wouldnt do that and would be annoyed if my sister did that to me. Why cant she wait a few months. Or even two weeks later. I dont think there much to be gained by speaking to her about it if the invites have went out. Its shit. At best its thoughtless and at worst its just mean. She should let the focus be on your wedding ....4 days before doesnt do that. Not sure what i would do if i was you tbh (sorry not helpful) but hope you have the best wedding and are able to not let it bother you (easier said that done).

With any luck people won’t be able to attend two parties in the same place so close together and, having already RSVPd yes for the OPs wedding, her attention grab engagement party will be a wash out

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/05/2026 13:48

4 days before wouldn't bother me at all. It's just a party, not another wedding.

Gloriia · 26/05/2026 13:47

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 13:42

What will saying anything achieve when the invites are out to 99 people - yes, 99 people - and all of it is booked?

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Just sometimes, even if it won't change anything, people need to know when they're out of line.
So a cool calm 'no idea why you'd book it so close to our wedding' would be my approach.

Jellox · 26/05/2026 13:47

ellie09 · 26/05/2026 13:42

What will saying anything achieve when the invites are out to 99 people - yes, 99 people - and all of it is booked?

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When did she send the invites?

I’d have to speak up on behalf on my family and tell her to change the date.

It’s so unfair on your family members.

TheatreTraveller · 26/05/2026 13:47

Very typical spoilt golden child behaviour!
I'd call in for an hour and leave her to it.

user3769863490 · 26/05/2026 13:46

user9764325677 · 26/05/2026 12:35

My sister announced her wedding after mine, and booked it in for just before mine. I was engaged under a year, so she organised hers in about a month flat. I ignored everyone who said it felt off at the time, and decades later, realise it was a horrible thing to do. It was a pattern of behaviour I was so used to, I couldn’t see it at the time, but now I realise it was awful.
I am sorry OP.

Wow! A month is really pushing it to organise a wedding. Are they still married?!

NegativeFreak · 26/05/2026 13:45

My brother did this and set his wedding to the week before mine.

My Mum told him to fuck right off (without using swear words)

Original poster
ellie09 · 26/05/2026 13:43

MachineBee · 26/05/2026 13:27

Assuming your wedding invitations went out some time ago and your guests have confirmed attendance/made arrangements for time off/bought presents (or know what they’ll get, then your DSis may find she gets a lot of declines and ends up moving the date of her party.

Apparently she has sent out 99 invites?

Our family is quite small - only about 12 close members, so I am inclined to think it is more of a get together of friends etc for a piss up.

OP posts: