Sister organised engagement party for same week as wedding

Could be worse . My cousin announced her pregnancy at her SIL baby shower .

No one is forced to go. It sounds like it's mostly for the sister and her partners friends anyway.

Why does OP need the limelight 4 days before her wedding?

It doesn’t need to be expensive for people to struggle to afford 2 gifts in such a short amount of time.

And people will have birthday parties but they’re either not family or you know their birthday is coming up and have budgeted for it.

Most people would be selfless enough to recognise having 2 big celebrations 4 days apart may not be the best idea for everyone.

Of course it’s not immature to think she’s trying to steal the limelight - it’s literally exactly what she’s trying to do.
I’d be embarrassed for her if I was one of her guests.

Buying an expensive gift and a new top for one event is a choice, not a necessity.

Well, yes, people do also have their lives including OP's sister. It's no different to anything else such as a birthday party.

It's immature to think that the limelight can be stolen in the first place unless we are talking about proposals at weddings or pregnancy announcements. it is 4 DAYS before and OP doesn't need the limelight until the actual day of her wedding.

My sister did this to me, then dumped the poor bloke.
Years later, when she had met someone else she then had the same venue as we had had a discrete party of 25, she booked the whole hotel, and all the trimmings and add one.

She is still a self centred a hole, everything has to be about her. Also is the youngest , who complains about how strapped she is when her wedding 10 years ago cost £25k and they are miserably married and can’t afford to divorce.

It’s about a marriage not the event ultimately but I also had to grin and bear it.

I hope you have a lovely day.

People will still need to buy themselves a drink etc, may feel the need to get a gift (I’ve never heard of an engagement party but I’m assuming people give gifts like a baby shower) and possibly need to buy a new top or something too.

People also have their lives too with other things going on like birthday parties etc which also add extra expense.

A family member should be more considerate of others.

It’s all about trying to steal the limelight.
It’s all very immature.

Can’t see a problem at all.

Unless you already have something booked for the Saturday to do with your wedding, like picking up suits/dresses, or an appointment (nails, lashes etc), meeting with the venue?

I'd be more than slightly miffed.

I personally struggle with too many social engagements (introvert) and attending two in the space of 4 days would be really hard for me. I'd be exhausted. I've just turned down a concert with my sister because I have another concert 5 days later (both very far from home, albeit within the UK).

As others say, you know her best. What do you think? To me, it feels like she's giving you the middle finger. Any reason she might feel this way?

They really don't have to do any of that. I wouldn't take a gift to an engagement party and it wouldn't occur to me that it was expected. Not would I dress up. It would be night at the pub in jeans territory for me. And it's all entirely voluntary.

I personally wouldn't think too much of it, although it's clear that you don't like her much from your comments - 'She's the golden child, she's getting engaged at a young age, you didn't even bother with an engagement party - lol, her party is just an excuse for a piss up, she's sent 99, yes 99, invites, its in the local dodgy pub' etc. You actually sound quite sneery.

An engagement party is very different to a wedding - different vibe etc, and as you have said that there are only 12 family members going, it is going to have very little - if any - impact on your wedding, as presumably the rest of their 99 guests are either his family or their friends, so won't be at your wedding. I'm sure those 12 family members are capable of going to a party and a wedding in the same week or politely declining if they can't. They all live close you said, so it's not going to cost much. Also, saying that you don't know how stressed or tired you are going to be ahead of your wedding on Wednesday as a reason for not RSVPing sounds disingenuous to me. If you really wanted to go, you would, even just popping in for an hour or two. I'm not saying you should go, but just be honest. Focus on your wedding, if there are literally a dozen family members invited to both, it won't affect/take the attention away from your day.

I think it’s most inconsiderate of all the guests who’ll have to dress up, get babysitters, buy gifts for two events in the same week.

@MyAutumnCrow a potential new addition to the family?

If people have already budgeted for your wedding, I assume they will just pop in to her party, if local, and then go and leave the partying to her 19 year old friends. Can't imagine people are going to spend much money on a 19yo getting engaged. Will leave it for the wedding

She could still announce something else …

Ok yes definitely just let her get on with it. Her 87 (!) friends will have a blast and presume none of them will cross over into your wedding? Perhaps some of the family won’t go anyway.

I would imagine the bigger risk is that the topic of your wedding will completely takeover her engagement party. It is strange but I wouldn't worry.

I'm no bridezilla, but organising an engagement party four days before your sister's wedding is really inconsiderate. I was crazy busy in the week or two before my wedding, so I would have found it hard to squeeze in an engagement party. And I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it - I'd have been thinking of all the things I still needed to do.

It's putting a lot of pressure on family and close friends too (those who will be attending both events). Not to mention the cost of the night out and an engagement present. I'm surprised nobody in the family has taken her aside and said it to her.

Well most people discuss plans with each other or did she just not say when the party was until the invites out? You could have said that is close to the wedding isn't it and left it to her to explain why.

If she doesn’t have a track record of behaving in such a way, I’d put this one down to her being young and naive. From the sounds of things, the engagement party will be mostly for her friends anyway, and I’d assume most of them won’t be at your wedding.

Is she involved in your wedding in any kind of role, like a bridesmaid? Maybe she’s doubling up on the events she can do with her nails freshly done or something!

My sister announced her engagement shortly after my engagement. I was planning my low key (September) wedding and it was completely overshadowed by her very extravagant plans for her (December) wedding. Every single conversation was about her wedding, mine did not get a look in (not that I gave a shit). Anyway, I got married in the September, then in October my sister announced that she’s getting married in a registry office with 2 witnesses only so no one was invited.

for months I’d listened to her non stop talk about her wedding as I was planning mine - and as soon as my wedding was over, she completely went low key and didn’t talk about her wedding at all.

very strange behaviour but she has a habit of ‘stealing thunder’ …

If there is no particular reason (and it sounds like not) then yes I think it’s out of order to choose that week out of the other 51 in the year!
I guess she doesn’t know what the run up to a wedding is like or that people will already be spending their time and money going to your wedding a few days later. 99 people in a pub sounds horrible so she probably wouldn’t notice if you or others only went for a short time. I would definitely want to ask her why she chose that date

BIL (also favourite child) did this to us not just once but twice. He had a quick and small civil wedding because his girlfriend was pregnant. The following year we got engaged, and said we were getting married the next year. He then planned a 'blessing' (complete with white dress, bridesmaids, massive meal etc) for the week before our wedding in the country his wife came from. So all the guests on DHs side of the family had to travel across Europe from their blessing to our wedding.

Anyway, fast forward 25 years and we are planning a party for our silver wedding anniversary. Guess who decides to get married for the second time that week. Yup, BIL. You couldn't make it up could you? (I should point out that if it had been an 'ordinary' wedding anniversary I wouldn't have cared, it was that it was specifically our silver wedding anniversary and they knew we were planning an event for our anniversary).

I look forward to receiving an invite to wedding no 3 on our golden wedding anniversary.