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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not invite this friend to my wedding?

83 replies

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 11:31

I’ll try to keep it short. I have a friend I’ve known of for years, families are friends, my sister is best friends with one of her close female relatives. Point I’m making is that we’re in the same circle, often been at past parties and weddings. We started to socialise one on one a few years ago but grew apart when we both moved away and had babies at the same time although kept in touch over text.

There’s been a few occasions that make me think she doesn’t really value me as a friend as much as I valued her.

• She invited me out for her birthday when I was heavily pregnant, her partner was going, and a few of her other friends were bringing their partners too. I asked if it’d be okay to bring mine as I was travelling a couple of hours by train to attend, it was central London and I live in Kent. She told me she’d rather I didn’t, I thought about it and decided against going, and told her this, mainly because of having to travel back late at night in winter alone. She then backtracked and said I could bring him then.

• She invited me to attend her baby shower when my baby was 6 weeks old. She immediately followed it up with “I understand if you can’t because of the baby” She lives about an hour away by car, longer on the train. I’d just had a C section and baby wasn’t taking a bottle at this point. I wasn’t able to attend as I wasn’t comfortable leaving the baby so soon and for such a long period. I felt as though it was more important to her that my baby wasn’t there than it was for me to be there.

• We agreed to meet at a National Trust type place nearer to her, with both our kids and partners. My other sister also happens to live two minutes away from it and told me she was planning to visit that day too. I told friend that DS was also visiting that day with her DC, would it be okay if she tagged along to the farm and farm shop. Friend flat out said she wouldn’t come if I was planning on seeing my sister there because she doesn’t know her very well and she wouldn’t feel comfortable. I went with my sister in the end.

We still have each other on social media and like eachother’s posts etc but we’ve not spoken since really. I’m getting married soon, I don’t think she’d like to attend to be honest but seeing as some of her family will be in attendance, would it be rude not to invite her?

OP posts:
icouldholditwithacobweb · 26/05/2026 11:57

I am definitely not your friend btw, but I would probably have behaved the same way in all above circumstances for the reasons given.

TheSlantedOwl · 26/05/2026 11:57

Yeah YABU here OP.

icouldholditwithacobweb · 26/05/2026 11:56

You're reading WAY too much into literally all of the above scenarios.

Birthday - she wanted you there so badly, she made an exception for you

Baby shower - invited you and gave you an out so you didn't feel obliged to go when baby was so small. Showed she understood your situation and was extending you empathy as she knew the journey was a long one.

National Trust - she wanted to spend quality time with YOU, arranged to spend time with YOU, and you invited your sister and changed the whole experience.

YABU.

sprigatito · 26/05/2026 11:56

I’m not great at social interaction, but my reading is that she’d probably be relieved. She hasn’t put much effort into your friendship or treated you very considerately for a long time. Just be aware that if you don’t invite her, that’s probably the death knell of the friendship (I’d be perfectly comfortable with that in your shoes!)

Original poster
wisdombra · 26/05/2026 11:55

Nickyknackered · 26/05/2026 11:48

Fine if you don't want to, don't.

But in the National Trust story, you were the one being unreasonable.

I’m more worried about it being awkward when I next see her I suppose.

Do you think? Maybe it’s me but I’m very much ‘more the merrier’. She wouldn’t have been joining for the full day. There’s been plenty of occasions where DFriend’s sister or cousin have tagged along and it wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask her not to bring them. I appreciate people are different though and some are more reserved than others.

OP posts:
Magpiegrave · 26/05/2026 11:55

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong in these circumstances.

On points one and 2 - she invited you, you are free to decline any invite, especially as you live quite far away. It was polite of her to invite you, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect someone to consider every individual’s journey time/method, and individual circumstances. If something is not convenient for you then don’t go.

On the third point, there are different schools of thought on this - personally I hate when I’m meeting up with someone and they invite someone else to join, changing the dynamics. Some people are totally fine with the more the merrier. I don’t think you were unreasonable to suggest inviting your DS, I don’t think she was unreasonable to not be keen.

budgiegirl · 26/05/2026 11:54

I agree that it's fine if you don't want to invite her - you can invite whoever you want.

But none of the examples you have given sound like a reason not to. They don't sound too bad to me - just that she doesn't much like being around people she doesn't really know very well. It seems like you are hunting for reasons to think that she's not much of a friend.

Nickyknackered · 26/05/2026 11:48

Fine if you don't want to, don't.

But in the National Trust story, you were the one being unreasonable.

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