To not invite this friend to my wedding?

I don't think she's done anything wrong. She just wants to be with you not others. Fair enough?

Totally agree with this post, I read it exactly that way also! Agree with 1st and 2nd point.

Apart from 3rd point where, depending on what interactions or not she’s had with your sister, etc, it would change the dynamics of the meet up. I have been in this situation like this but knowing behind the scenes that actually my friend used to bitch about the sister to me, making it incredibly difficult for me to join in the dynamic any longer (just my example though).

She said not to worry about the baby shower if you couldn’t make it because of the baby, so that’s what you did. What’s the issue? Unless you were especially hoping to show your baby at the baby shower?

I don’t think she comes across as unreasonable in the other scenarios either. It’s a bit offensive when people invite others to plans, not everyone is a more the merrier person. SIL does this, it gets annoying.

Agree with this. She doesn’t come across as the unreasonable one here Op. If you don’t want to invite her, then that’s fine, but it reads like you’re scratching around to justify not inviting her, rather than simply owning your decision.

I wouldn't invite her but if you feel you must because of the shared social circle then invite her to the evening only. However, I'd make it difficult for her to attend by inviting her only and not her family. So you just give her a courtesy invitation but signal that you don't really want her to attend.

If she asks about bringing her family, just say no because you're tight on numbers and your partner doesn't really know her family.

If you don't want to invite her, don't.
You don't need to find justification!

How do you know that? Did she say something else after? Because nothing in the actual message you've said she sent says that!

Agree with everyone else that I dont see any issue with any of what she's done - I do think some posters are being a bit unnecessarily critical of you about the NT outing - I initially agreed that adding a new person can change the day out but then if she's frequently done the same and invited her own friends/cousin to join the two of you there was nothing wrong with you asking about the same.

All your examples are extremely minor imo. All of them can be just moved on from. I could put together a list of similar small misunderstandings or miscommunications with any of my friends. We move on from them because we’re friends. Your friend could probably make a similar list about you.

There’s probably no moving on from not inviting her to your wedding. She will be hurt, things will DEFINITELY be awkward, and probably no longer friends.

If you want to draw a definitive line in the sand and make it clear that you no longer consider her your friend and you don’t mind drama and don’t mind being the ‘bad guy’ - don’t invite her.

If you want to avoid drama and just let things drift, leaving the door open for potential future friendliness- invite her. If she doesn’t want to come, she will find a reason to decline.

If you haven't figured by the amount of folk saying you have the unreasonable problem then your never going to see it

I think you were very rude on no. 3.

But you clearly don’t like her much so of course you wouldn’t invite her, and I really think she wouldn’t expect it.

I don't like the sound of her, OP, and I wouldn't invite her to my wedding. I don't think she's a good friend.

Fair enough - if she asked you to leave your baby at home that's completely outrageous!

No 2 - she gave you an out, you took it, and now you're pissy about it? I honestly don't get how you came to the conclusion you did on that one. I wouldn't have wanted to go wothnor without the baby.

No 3.- again, she did nothing wrong. In fact, how do you think you inviting your sister to tag along and then her declining is different to No 1, where you asked to bring DH, she said she'd rather you didn't, but she did in fact relent and say he could come (whereas you just ditched her for your sister).

Yabu.

Lots of people wouldn’t like that, me included. If I’ve planned for a fairly relaxed day meeting up with someone I know well I wouldn’t want their sibling joining in too as I’d have to then socialise with someone I didn’t know, the dynamic would be different, plus they would know each other very well.

I agree with PPs that she doesn’t sound that unreasonable.

The birthday party - ok other partners were coming, maybe she knows them better? She did say your partner could come in the end so I’m not really sure why you’re still holding it against her.

The baby shower - I didn’t have a baby shower and have never actually been to one. But I would assume a newborn might slightly take the shine off the expectant mother? Maybe that’s a bit self centred of her, but isn’t that slightly the point of a baby shower? As long as she didn’t guilt you about not going, she can have a baby free event if she wants.

National trust - I don’t really see what she did wrong here. If I’m meeting up with a friend just the two of us, I’d be a bit disappointed if they uninvited someone else who I didn’t really know. I’d probably still go but I can see where she was coming from.

ETA - but don’t invite her if you don’t want to! That’s not unreasonable

You are watching numbers and keeping it to closer friends.

Don't stress about it. You sound like very casual occasional friends.

I don’t read it that way at all. Birthday - other partners were going, her own partner was going, she said no when OP asked if she could bring hers. Friend knew she was heavily pregnant. She grudgingly agreed when OP said she wouldn’t be able to come otherwise.

Baby shower - “I understand if you can’t because of the baby” = “Don’t bring the baby, and don’t come at all if you won’t leave him”. Baby was 6 weeks old and breastfeeding. That’s not a good friend.

National Trust one is a bit different, lots of people would have thought “rats, I don’t really want to deal with your sister”, but most would suck that up for the sake of a good friend, especially as the sister was going there anyway.

@wisdombra your example in your first post doesnt say anything about her not wanting you to bring your baby?

Just that she understands if you cant go because youve just had a baby....?

YABU and in my opinion looking for very loose reasons to cut off the friendship.

She was relieving the pressure in example 2 so you didnt feel guilty about not going, and example 3 didnt want to be a third wheel

Ooooh i'm on the fence OP!

I mean first off - you're under no obligation to be anyone's friend if you don't want to. If you feel awkward about her then gently back away.

However none of the 3 examples are shouting 'difficult cow!' to me ...

Read your posts back op as if someone else had written them and think about your behaviour toward this poor woman!

You sound like YOU are the one with the problem tbh! She’s been perfectly reasonable but you are looking for non existent reasons to be offended by her!

You can invite who you like to your wedding. No caveats.

But none of those things sound like her fault tbh - the NT day is completely reasonable on her part, the baby shower doesn't sound like she wasn't inviting the baby but saying if its too far to come with the baby don't worry & the partner to her bday dinner I'd prob have just said yes but again, her event she can invite who she likes.