Page 2 | To not invite this friend to my wedding?

wisdombra · 2026-05-26T10:31:11+00:00

I’ll try to keep it short. I have a friend I’ve known of for years, families are friends, my sister is best friends with one of her close female relatives. Point I’m making is that we’re in the same circle, often been at past parties and weddings. We started to socialise one on one a few years ago but grew apart when we both moved away and had babies at the same time although kept in touch over text. There’s been a few occasions that make me think she doesn’t really value me as a friend as much as I valued her. • She invited me out for her birthday when I was heavily pregnant, her partner was going, and a few of her other friends were bringing their partners too. I asked if it’d be okay to bring mine as I was travelling a couple of hours by train to attend, it was central London and I live in Kent. She told me she’d rather I didn’t, I thought about it and decided against going, and told her this, mainly because of having to travel back late at night in winter alone. She then backtracked and said I could bring him then. • She invited me to attend her baby shower when my baby was 6 weeks old. She immediately followed it up with “I understand if you can’t because of the baby” She lives about an hour away by car, longer on the train. I’d just had a C section and baby wasn’t taking a bottle at this point. I wasn’t able to attend as I wasn’t comfortable leaving the baby so soon and for such a long period. I felt as though it was more important to her that my baby wasn’t there than it was for me to be there. • We agreed to meet at a National Trust type place nearer to her, with both our kids and partners. My other sister also happens to live two minutes away from it and told me she was planning to visit that day too. I told friend that DS was also visiting that day with her DC, would it be okay if she tagged along to the farm and farm shop. Friend flat out said she wouldn’t come if I was planning on seeing my sister there because she doesn’t know her very well and she wouldn’t feel comfortable. I went with my sister in the end. We still have each other on social media and like eachother’s posts etc but we’ve not spoken since really. I’m getting married soon, I don’t think she’d like to attend to be honest but seeing as some of her family will be in attendance, would it be rude not to invite her?

Original poster

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 15:37

Samewrinklesnewname · 26/05/2026 15:27

Re the baby shower, I can understand why she wouldn’t want another person’s newborn there-the shower was about her, and anyone rocking up with a newborn would be the focus of attention. I totally get it. (And I say that not being a fan of baby showers!)

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Which I get, but by this logic, it was more important to not have a baby there ‘stealing the show’ than it was for her friend to attend? I don’t think this particularly shows she valued the friendship very much.

Each to their own but I also had a small baby shower, another friend attended with her 10 week old. She was travelling from a different county and I appreciated the effort she made coming. Yes everyone was cooing over her baby, it’s not as though she took the attention away from mine though.

OP posts:

YoBetty · 26/05/2026 15:35

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 26/05/2026 15:23

She didn’t know you wouldn’t be able to attend - she gave you the option. I would have been able to attend a baby-free shower after 6 weeks.

Seems like you’ve taken this personally -
no babies is fine to stipulate.

Reads a bit like you wanted to take the baby to show everyone.

Edited

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Did you have a caesarean, were you breastfeeding with a baby who wouldn't accept a bottle, and what about the event being too far away to get home before next feed was due?

The friend was being remarkably self-centred and thoughtless by refusing to let the OP take her very young, exclusively breastfed baby to this shower.

PandyMoanyMum · 26/05/2026 15:28

You mentioned that your families are friends. I wondered if you will be inviting other members of her family to the wedding? And if so, what relationship are they to her? I think that determines how rude it looks not to invite her.

Samewrinklesnewname · 26/05/2026 15:27

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 12:00

Re the birthday, I wouldn’t have said it was the exception to be honest. There was a large group of maybe 16 or so, half split between men & women. Some were partners, some friends & some family. I personally wouldn’t have invited some partners but not all, it wasn’t a ‘girls night’ or anything like that.

There were other children at the baby shower, she just didn’t want me bringing my newborn to her baby shower.

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Re the baby shower, I can understand why she wouldn’t want another person’s newborn there-the shower was about her, and anyone rocking up with a newborn would be the focus of attention. I totally get it. (And I say that not being a fan of baby showers!)

sweetpickle2 · 26/05/2026 15:24

Invite who you want to your wedding.

But I don't think she's unreasonable in any of the examples you've mentioned.

CherryViper · 26/05/2026 15:23

Any one else's plus one is a minus one for me.

You know the situation better and you aren't getting a good vibe. I think it's okay to invite whomever you want to your wedding. Not inviting feels punitive could end the friendship. If that doesn't bother you, don't invite them, the friendship is done

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 26/05/2026 15:23

I wish you had put a vote because then you would see that you are being unreasonable.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 26/05/2026 15:23

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 15:19

Zero issue with her having a baby shower when I was 6 weeks pp! Issue is with the fact she wasn’t happy for me to bring my newborn, knowing it’d mean I wouldn’t be able to attend, for there then to be kids there anyway??

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She didn’t know you wouldn’t be able to attend - she gave you the option. I would have been able to attend a baby-free shower after 6 weeks.

Seems like you’ve taken this personally -
no babies is fine to stipulate.

Reads a bit like you wanted to take the baby to show everyone.

MrsDoubtfire123 · 26/05/2026 15:19

icouldholditwithacobweb · 26/05/2026 11:56

You're reading WAY too much into literally all of the above scenarios.

Birthday - she wanted you there so badly, she made an exception for you

Baby shower - invited you and gave you an out so you didn't feel obliged to go when baby was so small. Showed she understood your situation and was extending you empathy as she knew the journey was a long one.

National Trust - she wanted to spend quality time with YOU, arranged to spend time with YOU, and you invited your sister and changed the whole experience.

YABU.

Exactly this 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 15:19

luckylavender · 26/05/2026 15:15

But her baby shower was at the time it needed to be for her. If you don't want to invite her then don't. But you seem to be clutching at straws.

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Zero issue with her having a baby shower when I was 6 weeks pp! Issue is with the fact she wasn’t happy for me to bring my newborn, knowing it’d mean I wouldn’t be able to attend, for there then to be kids there anyway??

OP posts:

luckylavender · 26/05/2026 15:15

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 15:02

Thanks all for your responses.

I think for me, stipulating my partner couldn’t attend her birthday meal just felt mean spirited. Before I met my partner, she’d often invite her other half along to our outings ( I was always third wheeling lol), also her cousin, friends, sister etc. Since it wasn’t a women only night out, her partner was attending, along with her brothers in law, cousins, brother, other friends partners, it felt a bit excluding. Especially since I was making the effort to travel for a couple of hours by train whilst pregnant to celebrate with her. It was a 9pm sitting at a London restaurant, I wouldn’t have been home before 1am. Also live the complete opposite direction to the rest of the group so I’d have been travelling alone.

Happy to be told I was being unreasonable re the NT day out. I was being short sighted but seeing as it wasn’t the plan for my DS to join for the entire day, only the tiny farm section, I hasn’t anticipated it being such a big deal to her. Especially since in the past we’ve socialised as a group, with people I barely knew, quite often. I don’t get the chance to visit my sister and nieces often so I wrongly just thought I’d kill two birds with one stone since she was already intending on being there.

The situation with the baby shower was the main catalyst for me. The venue wasn’t easy to get to, at least an hour an a half by train, multiple trains and buses. I was excited to celebrate with her and had accepted the invitation verbally before receiving the written invitation which came with a PS of no children. I wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving my breastfed baby for so long, also wasn’t driving at this point. I’d completely understand not wanting toddlers running around and ravaging the sweet table but it felt as though she didn’t want me attending at all.

The friendship has run its course for us both it seems but not inviting her would be the line in the sand. It’s also slightly tricky when you run in the same circles.

But her baby shower was at the time it needed to be for her. If you don't want to invite her then don't. But you seem to be clutching at straws.

luckylavender · 26/05/2026 15:13

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 11:55

I’m more worried about it being awkward when I next see her I suppose.

Do you think? Maybe it’s me but I’m very much ‘more the merrier’. She wouldn’t have been joining for the full day. There’s been plenty of occasions where DFriend’s sister or cousin have tagged along and it wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask her not to bring them. I appreciate people are different though and some are more reserved than others.

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It's a pet peeve of mine - the more the merrier. My very best friend and I meet in a central place a few times a year. Involves a couple of hours travel each. Drives me nuts when all sorts of people rock up.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 26/05/2026 15:06

Nickyknackered · 26/05/2026 11:48

Fine if you don't want to, don't.

But in the National Trust story, you were the one being unreasonable.

Totally agree. If you arrange to meet a friend, you’re the one BU to put her on the spot by asking to let someone she doesn’t know (and isn’t interested in knowing) tag along.

As for the other incidents, the rudest one is her making it clear your partner wasn’t welcome when other partners were. Is there a background with them not getting on?

edited to add: the newborn thing sounds like she didn’t want your baby taking attention away from her!

She sounds a bit me-me-me. You aren’t getting along well so I just wouldn’t invite her on that basis.

Original poster

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 15:05

Just to add, she’d never make the effort to come to me anyway. Even before I moved away. I don’t think she was distancing herself either as she’d text frequently to say we must plan something soon. She was just happy for me to do all the running around and putting myself out all the time

OP posts:

Original poster

wisdombra · 26/05/2026 15:02

Thanks all for your responses.

I think for me, stipulating my partner couldn’t attend her birthday meal just felt mean spirited. Before I met my partner, she’d often invite her other half along to our outings ( I was always third wheeling lol), also her cousin, friends, sister etc. Since it wasn’t a women only night out, her partner was attending, along with her brothers in law, cousins, brother, other friends partners, it felt a bit excluding. Especially since I was making the effort to travel for a couple of hours by train whilst pregnant to celebrate with her. It was a 9pm sitting at a London restaurant, I wouldn’t have been home before 1am. Also live the complete opposite direction to the rest of the group so I’d have been travelling alone.

Happy to be told I was being unreasonable re the NT day out. I was being short sighted but seeing as it wasn’t the plan for my DS to join for the entire day, only the tiny farm section, I hasn’t anticipated it being such a big deal to her. Especially since in the past we’ve socialised as a group, with people I barely knew, quite often. I don’t get the chance to visit my sister and nieces often so I wrongly just thought I’d kill two birds with one stone since she was already intending on being there.

The situation with the baby shower was the main catalyst for me. The venue wasn’t easy to get to, at least an hour an a half by train, multiple trains and buses. I was excited to celebrate with her and had accepted the invitation verbally before receiving the written invitation which came with a PS of no children. I wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving my breastfed baby for so long, also wasn’t driving at this point. I’d completely understand not wanting toddlers running around and ravaging the sweet table but it felt as though she didn’t want me attending at all.

The friendship has run its course for us both it seems but not inviting her would be the line in the sand. It’s also slightly tricky when you run in the same circles.

OP posts:

aquitodavia · 26/05/2026 14:39

You can invite who you want but none of those incidents seem like anything to me.

Instructions · 26/05/2026 14:36

Nothing she has done sounds bad. You want her to be in the wrong somehow so you can say that is why you aren't inviting her to your wedding. Just be honest- you don't like her and you don't want to be friends.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/05/2026 14:24

You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to invite. It sounds as if you don't really like her much and you're obviously very different people.

I don't think she's done anything even remotely unreasonable though. Basically, in two of your examples you wanted to bring other people she doesn't really know to social events that they weren't invited to, and in the other example, she had a baby shower which didn't work for you because you'd only just had a baby yourself, and she was kind enough to say she understood if you couldn't make it. You seem offended by the that for reasons I really can't fathom.

Honestly, I suspect she might be relieved not to be invited.

ScribblingPixie · 26/05/2026 14:06

It sounds almost as if you're score settling. Not inviting her would probably end your friendship. Up to you.

Error404FucksNotFound · 26/05/2026 13:55

No need to invite her. She probably wouldn't want to come anyway. Dont worry about it.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/05/2026 13:52

It doesn't sound like she's done anything wrong. It sounds like a power play from you. The 3 events you describe are you trying to dictate who attends and her pushing back against it. Now it's your wedding and you have the ultimate power over her to dictate who attends. You're not her friend, and after you snub her over your wedding, she won't be yours.

ChristmasBaby2026 · 26/05/2026 13:24

Extremely weird behaviour not to invite a baby to a baby shower. You were being UR in the national trust story though. Doesn’t seem like you are really friends.

Stoicandhappy · 26/05/2026 13:20

Invite who you want but it doesn’t look like she’s done much wrong

pinkdelight · 26/05/2026 13:19

YABU. She likes you and wants to see you, not your partner, your sister and her kids, your newborn, or whoever else you want to bring along. She understood if you couldn't come but was doing the right thing by inviting you. You may be 'more the merrier' but not everyone is by a long shot and not everyone's partners and children are the same to hang out with. Invite who you want to your wedding, but to get pissy about any of these 3 incidents is unreasonable.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 26/05/2026 13:12

You were really unreasonable on the national trust thing. You clearly don’t value her that much so just don’t invite her