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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel awkward about attending this wedding?

42 replies

Kitteninblack · 26/05/2026 10:03

Been invited to a family member’s wedding (cousin) who I haven’t seen in many years. Whenever I do see them, they don’t really speak to me much. I’m quite confused as to the invitation. My parents are going and they said we can travel with them. They think myself, DH and DC should attend as other family members are going and it’ll look ‘bad’.
I’m assuming it’s just an invite out of duty or politeness. I feel awkward about going.
We saw each other more when our grandparents were alive.

WWYD?

OP posts:
JaneLupin · 26/05/2026 10:39

Kitteninblack · 26/05/2026 10:07

@LeedsLoiner Do you think? I don’t understand why you’d invite people you don’t want there though?

Family politics, parental pressure…

The parents of the bride / groom may say that they should invite all the family, and that can be difficult for the bride / groom to withstand without arguments and family fallouts, especially if their parents are paying towards the wedding.

Or sometimes the bride / groom will want to invite cousin A as they’re closer to that cousin which then leads to parents etc saying that if they’re inviting one cousin they should invite them all. Or equally if they’re inviting aunts / uncles they may feel obligated to invite the children of those aunts / uncles.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 26/05/2026 10:32

Lomonald · 26/05/2026 10:10

Why would anybody go to the bother of inviting people if they didn't want them there ?

Show quote history

Parental pressure. Exactly the same pressure OP is experiencing to attend because it will look bad if she doesn’t.

SJM1988 · 26/05/2026 10:28

I'd go.
I invited all my cousins to my wedding with there children and I hardly see them. I've also been invited to one over the summer and am going with one of my DC.
Wedding are about family in our family so we also make an effort for them

gingercat02 · 26/05/2026 10:24

Kitteninblack · 26/05/2026 10:07

@LeedsLoiner Do you think? I don’t understand why you’d invite people you don’t want there though?

We invited loads of people we knew hoped wouldn't come.
My great aunt with dementia, DH cousins in southern Africa and the other ones in England he never sees who couldn't afford the travel to NI. All family, we needed to ask but weren't bothered if they came.

LeedsLoiner · 26/05/2026 10:17

Kitteninblack · 26/05/2026 10:07

@LeedsLoiner Do you think? I don’t understand why you’d invite people you don’t want there though?

It's not a case of they don't want you, more a case of "obligation" - they've invited your parents so they feel they should invite you.
Of course it could be the other way round and now they're going to be a married couple they may want to reconnect with you as a married couple...

DelphiniumBlue · 26/05/2026 10:15

It’s because of the fact that you barely see them now that it would be good to go and re-establish contact. It’s nice of them to ask you.

LeedsLoiner · 26/05/2026 10:15

Lomonald · 26/05/2026 10:10

Why would anybody go to the bother of inviting people if they didn't want them there ?

Show quote history

People get invited to weddings all the time out of "form" or "politeness".
If the OPs parents are invited as "auntie and uncle" then they probably feel obliged to ask the cousins as well.
Not so much a case of not wanting them there, more a case of "if they come OK but we won't lose any sleep if they don't".

DalmationalAnthem · 26/05/2026 10:13

A lot of people feel obligated or forced to invite unwanted people to their wedding, especially if young or if parents are chipping in.
I was made to invite various estranged/total strangers to my wedding.

The polite thing is to decline an obligation invitation.

ThreeTescoBags · 26/05/2026 10:13

I'd go, I love a wedding.

That aside, they sent you an invitation, no need to over think it. Just take it on face value that they'd like you to attend their wedding if you can make it.

DappledThings · 26/05/2026 10:12

Go if you want to, don't if you don't. It's neither odd for you to have been invited nor for you to decline.

It's pretty standard to invite cousins to weddings and some won't be able to make it. There's no need to overthink either the invitation or your chosen response.

daysofpearlyspencer · 26/05/2026 10:10

Thank them for thinking of you and politely decline as you cannot make the date, Maybe send a small gift to them via your DM if she is going. I am sure they have plenty of other people to invite that they see more regularly.

Buscobel · 26/05/2026 10:10

Perhaps some invitations are issued out of duty, because it’s family, even though it’s extended family that you rarely see.

Lomonald · 26/05/2026 10:10

LeedsLoiner · 26/05/2026 10:05

They're probably praying that you say "Sorry we can't make it".

Why would anybody go to the bother of inviting people if they didn't want them there ?

Lomonald · 26/05/2026 10:09

I would go, especially if your parents are going,they are probably inviting family your parents sibling will probably love seeing you.

Original poster
Kitteninblack · 26/05/2026 10:07

@LeedsLoiner Do you think? I don’t understand why you’d invite people you don’t want there though?

OP posts:
LeedsLoiner · 26/05/2026 10:05

They're probably praying that you say "Sorry we can't make it".

rubyslippers · 26/05/2026 10:04

I wouldn’t go
you don’t have any form of relationship with them so no need to bother
aounds like an obligation invite from them