My mum thinks my new friend is a "red flag". is she right?

Of course he’s pursuing her for sex, why else would he be flirting with her.

Your DH would have pursued you and multiple other women for sex too.

That’s what dating is.
Sometimes it’s turns into a relationship, sometimes it doesn’t.

Obviously OP needs to be careful of all men.
It may be that she wants a marriage and serious relationship whilst he’s just looking for fun but I still think the mum is being too overprotective.
Sometimes we need to get hurt in order to learn not to believe everything a man says.

Also a born South Londoner. It used to but its mainstream now. It just refers to urban subculture tied to the streets, music ie grime & drill, fashion, language ie MLE. Can linked to crime, gangs, antisocial behaviour… that’s where its roots are… but these days not all Roadmen are badman.

@Nachochilli I think the bigger red flag is that you're mum gets to say if you go out or not and you're analysing him by whether he likes something you posted online???

With this guy you don’t need to find out anything, his mates have laid it out in black and white. Calling someone a Roadman says it all. Drop and move on

I don’t think anyone should be encouraging a woman in her thirties to Jean into any more teenager mode than she already seems to be, with her mother ‘blocking’ her from walking around the estate with her roadman penal!

OP, you’re an adult. No one can actually stop you meeting an old school friend. Just take the usual tractions you would meeting someone who’s all but a stranger.

Sorry , but he sounds dodgy and Roadman is not a compliment

Mate. Roadman is not someone who works repairing roads. It is slang for a young man who is a petty criminal and low level drug dealer. It's not a complement.

Sounds like your mum is a bit of a saint- maybe sneak out and see for yourself whilst preventing your mum from getting upset. Try and maintain some scepticism but ultimatley try and enjoy yourself as well

Maybe OP also wants a sexual relationship though? Being disabled or vulnerable doesn't mean you can't have sex if you want that.

OP do you have a support worker that you could discuss your concerns with?

Your mum is right

I would start by getting out more if you have missed out on your teens and 20s because of illness. Maybe join a few clubs or groups that share an interest or hobby you have

I would also join a few dating apps and meet up for coffee (in a crowded place) with different guy each day and just start to connect with lots of people. By the time you have done that a few times you will get the hang of things.
It will let you find out what you like or don’t like, what you feel comfortable with and be aware of the red flags.
Don’t just pick one pick and pour all your energy into that one person.
Just have fun and don’t take anything too seriously at this stage

I would recommend doing something like the Freedom programme just so you can spot red flags

If some one described this guy as a Roadman then that is a huge red flag 🚩. Listen to your mum on this.

You will find your feet and catch up.

While I agree that approaching this friendship with caution and a bit of cynicism is probably wise and normal, I am more bothered that a DM actively blocked a 31 year old woman apparently with capacity from going for a walk. If it was anyone else MN would be screaming coercive control from the rooftops.

Or it could just be a joke.
My adult kids call their cousin "road man" because he once bought a stone island T shirt. He's a 32yr old Dr and definitely not a roadman.

It's very difficult to advise you OP as we do not know your particular circumstances but you are entitled to a relationship.

Maybe your mums concerns are legitimate or maybe she likes you being at home with her and doesn't want you to move on in life?

What is the significance of you saying "we are both white". Is that you and your mum or you and your friend? Is he not white and you suspect she doesn't like that?

I agree with your Mum.

How did your mum block you from seeing him? You are 31 not 13. Your mum sounds way too invested in this. What do you want? He sounds like he’s flirting with you and clearly wants sex. If you don’t want that, that’s fine, but it’s also fine if you do. I’d be concerned your mum is telling you you’re vulnerable when you might not be as vulnerable as she is telling you. The road man thing is ridiculous - my son and his friends say this about anyone who wears Hoodrich or CP Company.

All this sounds very local. Same school etc. Doesn't the OP have any other friends in the area who might know this man and give some honest feedback on his character?
For me the " road man " comment would raise a red flag. Raises images of skinny drug dealers in knock-off sports gear roaming the streets on e- scooters. Not a good vibe to be generating, even as a joke.

He likes you. He wants to get to know you more.
Your mum is infantalising you a bit.

I’ve lived in the same bit of South London for 30 years and it definitely means dealer around here!

Low level, pathetic little dealer, likely early teens, on a hacked Lime bike, probably has a sideline in nicking phones. Definitely not complimentary.

He’s not grooming you, you are a 31 year old woman and unless you have serious mental incapacity then your mum is quite frankly being ridiculous she’s acting like your a child and hes a pedo.
that said he just wants in your knickers but he’s definitely not grooming you!

Agree with this

I think he's stringing you along. He's enjoying the attention

This obviously isn’t a friendship, he’s pretty blatantly trying to get in your knickers. Whether that is a red flag or not is up to you. Somebody wanting a shag isn’t necessarily abusive, although you may not be in the right emotional space yourself at the moment to avoid him using you for sex.

I don’t think many actual roadmen appreciate being referred to as such, it’s not exactly a complimentary term! But even if he isn’t one, like I say it isn’t a compliment that his mates are calling him one.

I think he sounds like a walking red flag but I also think you need to live your own life.

Sometimes, we have to go through horrific heartbreak to discover who we are and what matters to us. It isn’t pleasant. When I was your age, I would have fell for someone like this easily because my self esteem was so low, that the only quality I looked for in a partner was whether they liked me or not. It’s taken a lot of heartbreak and several bastard men for me to finally be able to see clearly and find someone who treats me with respect.

He isn't a friend. He is a guy flirting with you online because he is after sex. That could be fine so long as you don't have other expectations.

It depends how vulnerable you really are and how anxious/protective your mum is. A 31 year old (or even a 21 year old) meeting up with a guy she knew from school isn't usually that much of a concern, so it depends what your mum is specifically worried about.

Secretiveness on social media suggests he is in a relationship or embarrassed about you in some way.

The roadman comment is probably about the way he dresses.

in my understanding, yes - roadman is basically a gangster type person involved with dealing drugs. They wizz around on electric scooters with their face covered wearing black nike tech with low hanging pants. They also talk and walk like complete twats.

Your mum is probably right.

He’s a decorator who works from 7 to 2?