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Original poster

If I die, your dad would just drink himself to death

40 replies

Whereisthegrassgreener · 25/05/2026 22:35

My 73 year old Dm said this the other day about my Ddad, 77 (he was out)
We were talking about their house and if they would sell/downsize soon
Mum was saying how if she goes first, dad wouldn’t sort the house as he’d just drink himself to death
He isn’t an alcoholic but likes a drink and Dmum helps to control this. He’s a responsible man, but adores my mum and likely wouldn’t cope

This comment has really worried and bothered me since and I wish she hadn’t said it. I would also feel angry if that is what was to happen as what about us, his children and his grandchildren

OP posts:
JLou08 · 25/05/2026 23:07

What do you mean when you say what about his you and his grandchildren?
If you mean that you should be enough for him to want go live well, I understand that pretty well as someone who's parent attempted suicide after separation. At the same time, you have your own life now. It's not comparable to his wife who he shares his life with, and in this case manages his alcohol use and health.
If you mean you will be left picking up the pieces, again I understand that would be very difficult but you do need to be prepared for him not being the person you can lean on when you're grieving your mum. Try and ensure you have your own support network away from the family to get you through it.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 25/05/2026 23:05

If it's any consolation, the chances are that your dad would die first (unless your DM is in ill health).

Berlinlover · 25/05/2026 22:58

He could also meet someone else and live a happy life.

yoshigizzit · 25/05/2026 22:56

This happened with my MIL’s parents. He died, after years of caring for him after strokes she took to drinking brandy in the mornings and through the day. To be honest she seemed pretty happy and died peacefully in her sleep, it’s never really been a sad tale in the family. She lived happily without boundaries.

MatildaTheCat · 25/05/2026 22:54

Peakyblinder18 · 25/05/2026 22:52

I've never heard this before.
What exactly does it mean?

Show quote history

Never borrow trouble from tomorrow.

= don’t look for problems that don’t yet exist.

XenoBitch · 25/05/2026 22:54

DF would have been the same. He also had no idea how to do any life admin. He had never had a bank account, and had no idea how to pay bills or do a food shop. His own DM enabled this, and then my mum took over. He also drank anyway.
He died a few months ago, and as awful as it sounds, we are all grateful in a way that he was the first to go.

NotMyRealAccount · 25/05/2026 22:53

My mum always said that if she died first my dad wouldn't be able to manage the house and the finances, and when she was dying I was worried that he might hit the bottle hard afterwards once the funeral was over. But his alcohol consumption, which is a little higher than the recommended limit and mostly takes the form of a generous measure of whisky at bedtime, hasn't changed, and he has routines for everything. I think he'll be fine provided he doesn't lose his cognitive function or the use of his car.

Peakyblinder18 · 25/05/2026 22:52

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2026 22:40

Why borrow trouble?

I've never heard this before.
What exactly does it mean?

Peakyblinder18 · 25/05/2026 22:50

@Whereisthegrassgreener
Your DM is asking you to sort out her affairs with her just in case do you think? I talk openly to my DCs financially.
Sorry for your troubles. 💐💐💐

Octavia64 · 25/05/2026 22:43

Reverse with mine - my dad died of cancer and yes my mum is drinking herself to death

Nomorecoconutboosts · 25/05/2026 22:43

I try hard not to plan/worry too far ahead. I know it’s hard

Calamitysue · 25/05/2026 22:43

Look up alcoholism in the elderly as pp says it happens alot. Honestly though why worry and get angry ( really ?) about something that hasn’t happened and might never?

sillylittlerabbit · 25/05/2026 22:41

My mum says the same. I think it makes her feel important. I don’t pay much attention to it…

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2026 22:40

Why borrow trouble?

Dizzydrizzy · 25/05/2026 22:37

Mine would too. I think it’s more common than you’d think.

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