DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

I’m with you on this one OP- I’ve always got pizzas in the freezer to offer when my teen has friends round.
They may well be independent enough to see to themselves but I still always offer guests food and drink as I know teenagers aren’t the best at being hospitable!

Cross post!

Although given the situation I wouldn’t actually be surprised 😳🤣

Did you read the bit where she was 17? Why would a parent message her almost-adult daughter’s friend’s parents to thank them and to ask what she had for lunch?

Sorry just seen the kids are 17?! 😂

I’d probably text and say ‘thanks so much she had a great time! Did she eat much at lunch? Just sorting dinner now’ and see what they say. Just to try and understand what on earth went on 😂

Talk about infantilising two 17-year olds

OP makes it clear that they were only "out" with the parents for a couple of hours and then the 2 hung out for the rest of the time and ate crisps. The parents were not even home the whole time.

If I had taken 2 older teens out from - say 8.30-10.30am and then gone out myself I would not have considered that I needed to supervise 17 year olds making a sandwich for lunch.

No I don’t have teens

I was smoking weed on a beach in Ibiza when I was 17 ( sorry...couldn't resist, but genuinely true 🙂).....I was expecting DD to be a lot younger.

That's just mean, if no food was going to be offered the parents should have told them to buy at least a sandwich whilst out.

Wouldn't be letting her go back there again.

While you're at it, raise your expectations of your daughter.

She doesn't need her mum to make all her food (and her friends' food).

She should be able to plan a day out with a friend on her own, including deciding where and when they will eat.

How weird. There's nowt as queer as folk.

Do you have teens though?

Surely there would be something in for kids' lunches? Bread? Tins of soup/beans? Eggs? etc

My partner used to go to his mother's most Saturdays and do errands and odd jobs for her he would be there from around 10.30-19.00 and invariably he would come back having not eaten , or been offered anything. It made me angry, I told him you head home at 4pm if there has been no offer of food, I'm not scrabbling about cooking a meal at 8pm, eventually he complied and either got fed or came home.
In fairness though , not all families eat lunch, it would seem your daughter's friend's is one of them.

I can’t get my head around that you thought this was a big enough deal to post on an internet forum

Obviously this! As a parent I would not even consider staying home the entire time to host a "play date" for 2 seventeen year olds. They're essentially adults! If they'e hungry sure they'll figure out something to eat, order from any app or whatever.

At 17 I can barely remember my friends/boyfriends parents ever being home, let alone expecting them to cook and serve food. If we got hungry we just went to McDonalds or made some pasta.

You’ve also said your dd doesn’t make food so it’s not fair to criticise the other girl for not making lunch for your dd when if your dd had been hosting at your house she wouldn’t have made her and her friend lunch.
I do think from your language and expectations you see your dd as a much younger child. Babying does no favours longer term.
At 17 some friends will be driving, some working pt, they make their own arrangements and meet up. Parents aren’t involved in the same way as with younger children.

I just don’t know how a 17 year old could “ sort themselves out” when they are a guest in someone else’s house. Jesus some of the standards are so low and mean.

Fix their own food of course and something for a friend if they were having something. I wouldn’t expect someone to ask for something though.

so now you insult us

your daughter is not a ‘kid’ but a young lady and as has been pointed out,
possibly away to University next year

no one needs to see themselves as a generous person by making
a cheese and lettuce sandwich for your 17 year old ‘kid’s’ friends
when at 17 we have an expectation that your daughter would be
more than capable of doing this herself

you misrepresented your interest at the beginning by subtly
implying that your daughter was a child and not 17 years old
17!!!

we are not vipers but exasperated, in the main

If your teenage kid is home over a meal time without you, wouldn't they "help themselves" and if they had a friend round wouldn't you feel it was pretty normal that they mucked in with your child and made a sandwich/toast together, being as they'd be in the kitchen at the same time?

My youngest is 7 and him and his friends know they can go in the kitchen and get a drink or a snack. I also have a grown up one who had the same.

Personally I want my kids to feel able and comfortable to fix themselves and their friends some lunch.

My eldest is an adult with sen but even he will fix his own sarnie/toast.

I think it's completely normal for the teenager whose house it is to make lunch for their guest/s and they all raid the kitchen. But equally, it's completely normal for 17 year olds to think a bag of crisps is lunch if that's all they fancy.

So yr12 nearly at the end doing mocks, going on holiday with mates ? C'mon OP surely they can fend for themselves ?

In their own house, of course. I misunderstood and thought people were saying they would help themselves in other people’s houses

Why wouldn't a 17 help themselves in their own house? I find your perspective on this whole situation very difficult to comprehend.

Even the teenager who lives there?