DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

When my son has friends around, I might say something like there is fresh bread in the bread bin, or use up the ham but don't eat the sausages as they are for dinner. I would then leave them to get on with it.

She’s not a child. She’s a young woman a few months away from being a grown woman

Normally, if you are hosting a child at your house or you are out for the day you provide them with food.

When I have children visiting, I make sure I've got plenty of snacks and an appropriate lunch.

Sorry OP I have to agree with the others your opening post read like you were talking like a young child. At 17 my parents weren’t responsible for making sure I ate during the day. They made sure the fridge and cupboards were stocked and then it was on me. Most 17 year olds are pretty self sufficient your DDs friend should’ve offered her something or your DD should’ve spoke up.

I have one with autism and one with ADHD, both diagnosed, and I think OP is being ridiculous.

How do you know that? It's a bit of a sweeping generalization about people you don't know. I find your comment rather patronizing.

My DD is diagnosed with ADHD/ASD.- but then again she was fully capable of making food for herself/friends much earlier than 17. She did her own breakfast from around the age of 8.

Before I got to the post about her age I thought you were talking about a five year old.

It was eight hours - she had breakfast, she had crisps during the day and she had dinner when she got home.

She is almost a grown woman and the OP hasn’t helped her navigate this (around any difficulties she may have).

I was expecting you to say she was 6 or 7! Not 17!

Either way, missing a single meal at that age, isn't going to do her any harm. Lesson learned, next time she needs to speak up if she's starving. Even if she just says to her friend, "Can I have a sandwich or something? I'm pretty hungry."

To all those who voted before the OP disclosed that the child in question is 17 - you do know you can change your vote, don't you? I've just changed mine

To dismiss ‘mild’ autism as ‘a little’ autistic is quite offensive as well as it belittles the struggles that people with the condition deal with.

I agree there should be a distinction. But someone high functioning shouldn’t be dismissed as if they aren’t affected day to day by a condition that few others understand.

Of course it isn’t the same as being non verbal or unable to ever be independent so perhaps people should campaign for a new name for the severe type to distinguish it
as this always seems to come up.

When mine were that age and had friends round I didn't get involved in keeping them fed and watered.
Its hardly a play date is it?

She’s old enough to find/buy/ask for food. I thought you’d say she was a 9-year old at a play date.

If my DC were hosting a 17yo friend and I was coming and going, I'd expect them to sort their own food out between them TBH. DC would know they can offer what there is, but I wouldn't be preparing lunch at an allotted time.

OP doesn’t seem worked up so she doesn’t need to calm down. You’re being far more dramatic than OP is.

She's 17 and she was back at 4pm. It's hardly going to kill a 17-year-old to have a late lunch, which is effectively what happened. Calm down.

Op’s DD isn’t diagnosed though.
It could well have been first time the friend’s mum has met her. Mum probably only gave them a lift and left them too it at the activity. Unless you are specifically told additional needs you assume they are a typical 17 yr old and leave them to it.
Mine is at uni now but I found sixth form age parenting frustrating at times. Some parents still treat them like small children and interfere in perfectly sensible arrangements. Eg wanting them chauffeur door to door everywhere. Other’s know yp will need to survive away from home next year and encourage independence. At this age doing everything for them isn’t being a good parent.

My DD is 17 and autistic and if she had her neurodiverse friends over I would make sure they got lunch, otherwise they would just eat snacks like crisps probably. My DD is just starting to make her own lunch but always talks to me first about what she is going to do and what she should have. She is getting more independent but it has been a slow road, which is fine. I would expect her friends parents to help them navigate too if they weren’t quite there yet.

Autistic kids, or even just quiet and shy ones might not say anything. One of my daughters friends is like that but my daughter knows to offer and I tell all of my children’s friends to just help themselves.

17yos have to be told what's in the fridge these days?

At that age my 2 were opening it and staring into it every 10 minutes, they knew its contents way better than I did.

C’mon as if a 17 year old wouldn’t say to her friend “I’m hungry what we eating for lunch” ?

I wouldn’t make lunch for my 17 year old but would have told her what was in the fridge before her friend arrived so she new what to make for lunch!!

It was odd her friend didn’t get any lunch for them

Everyone is different.

I have a 17 year old and she would have made sure your dd had lunch. I cook dinner and that’s it - the house is self service otherwise.

I’m also a ‘generous person’. You do you I’ll do me.

Are you sure that your dd actually wasn’t perfectly happy with crisps? It was boiling today, maybe she wasn’t that hungry.

I sometimes make lunch for my teen but if she has friends over, I let them sort their own food/drinks out for breakfast, lunch and snacks. I do buy extra food each week so there is plenty in for them. If they’re staying for dinner, we’d make it for them.

We didn't have lunch yesterday. It was so hot, none of us had any appetite. I had lots of water and a choc ice at about 3pm

Perhaps they felt the same. What was the activity? Something energetic?