DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

You said the parents weren’t in. It’s weird that you expect your daughter’s friend to cook for two people when you haven’t even taught your daughter how to cook for one yet.

She’s old enough to take some money herself.
Gosh I thought she was 7 ir 8 lol

She's big enough to make her own packed lunch

While I think it's a bit odd they didn't offer her food she's almost an adult she can ask or provide her own

Well that's a reasonable assumption. They aren't 6

I think it’s weird but some people genuinely don’t eat much. I’ve met people who only eat one big meal a day for example, they might just be that sort of family. I remember whenever I went to my friend’s house for tea I always came back starving because she had an au pair who could only make eggy bread so we’d just get one slice of that! My mum would be seething every time.

Yes. I agree thats quite a different scenario.

I would not rummage through someone else's cupboards and refrigerator looking for food unless they expressly told me to help myself. I gather that DD's friend did not tell her where the food was or to help herself if she got hungry.

I wouldn’t have anyone at my home for that length of time without offering food, maybe they expected their child to sort out lunch for them both ?

My DS is 17 and often has his mates round to the house. I’ve never ever offered them food or drinks…I just expect them to help themselves to whatever they want and they do! I would have thought these parents would have assumed the same.

Well, as I've said upthread, even the National Autism society discusses 'mild' autism. It's the OP who thinks that her 17yo might be a bit autistic, awaiting diagnosis. The very fact that her daughter has gone through the education system, with no special needs provision, suggests that if she is diagnosed as having autism, i.e. in her case with some autistic traits, it will be mild. Nobody is dismissing autism, 'spectrum' suggests different shades, strengths, whatever

Someone should have offered your DD some food. And I can understand her not asking—she shouldn't have to, and she might feel awkward asking. The friend's parents should have either made lunch or taught their daughter how to host. When you have friends over at lunchtime, you serve lunch.

Poor manners on behalf of the other 17 year old, sure, but the parents weren't even home

Oh my OP, she’s 17. I don’t offer my own 17 year old lunch let alone all her friends that are in the house all the time! Nor my 14 year old and his friends.

I expect them to sort themselves out. More than welcome to help themselves to any thing in the kitchen, of course, but it doesn’t enter my head to ensure they’re fed.

But why blame the parents that weren't even present

Totally, some people on this thread are nuts.

Yanbu, it's basic hospitality. I'd have expected to be offered lunch at 1-ish. It's poor manners not to.

She’s 17, it’s hotter than Satans ass crack and she was with her friend not the parents. All I ate yesterday was a bag of skips and an ice cream nobody wants food in this heat.

If the parents went out, they probably expected the 17 year olds to make their own lunch. I have a tween and a younger teen and they have done their own lunches for a long time. If I was home I would make sure they offered their guest a proper lunch but if I was out I would definitely expect them to fend for themselves at 17. I also thought this post was about little children to start with.

I wouldn’t see myself as hosting DD’s 17 yr old friend.
It’s not like mum asking another mum if they want their dd to come over on a play date.
With younger child absolutely I’d have asked dd if she wants Jane to come over to play. Text Jane’s mum. Supervise as appropriate and give them lunch - my go to was always pizza.
But in sixth form I’d leave them to it, it’s dd who has asked her over.
I’d think it very odd if I was expected to cancel my plans to come back home to make lunch for two 17 year olds sat there like baby cuckoos.

My DC are 16 and 18 and I don't make food for their friends. I would expect them to offer food and drink to their guests themselves.

Wow my kids have regularly asked for stuff and they are still in my lives.

Even as grown adults they can come into my house and get food if they are hungry, as long as they leave me enough milk for cup of tea

So her and her mate were home alone and she didn't say she was hungry or suggest getting some food or clem home early to eat? I assumed she was 5. She needs to use her voice.

The OPs daughter was alone with her friend at lunchtime. Why would parent go back to make a spot of lunch for them. Seems like it was the friend hosting not the friends mothee

I would have assumed two 17 year olds could sort lunch out between them.

Perhaps the parents were not around? For example, I can imagine the teen not thinking to ask the friend if he wanted food. Although, my dc offer food to their friends and we always do too. They are also always offered food at play dates. But when older people might just assume they are capable to sor themselves out? My daughter is 14 so if they are hungry they make themselves food. But I also ask the dc when over if they want anything such as drinks, snack etc.