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Original poster

DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

515 replies

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:24

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 25/05/2026 19:46

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:39

I think none of them ate. It’s not a big deal. She can survive perfectly well without a meal, she took a bottle of water with her. I just would personally be embarrassed to have people here all day and not offer food. From responses I guess that’s unusual with older teens.

I overfeed people, but some people are different, they dont live to eat and if she didnt say 'shall we have a bite to eat/whats for lunch' then they might not realise other people want to eat

MasterBeth · 25/05/2026 19:46

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:28

No one ate lunch although the parents went out for a bit, so maybe ate then? She’s 17 and we gave her a decent early dinner, so it’s not a biggy. I just can’t imagine having guests for a whole day and not offering like at least a sandwich or something.

Good grief, I thought you were going to say she's 4!

A 17 y.o. and her friend can sort their own, surely!

Nottopanic · 25/05/2026 19:46

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Well, in this heat no one needs to be cooking food at all. But she can surely make a sandwich or a salad or something else to eat.
It’s not normal to cook especially for a 17-year-old and her friend.

cestlavielife · 25/05/2026 19:45

Eh she 17 .coach her to say "friend shall we make a sandw8ch to have with the crisps?"

SilverPink · 25/05/2026 19:45

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Perhaps time to think about teaching her the basics, especially if she’s thinking of going to university

pedropascalslittlefinger · 25/05/2026 19:44

I have no problem with them using my kitchen (as long as they clean up), eating my food etc. actually would rather they used stuff up rather than ordering takeaway. But I’m not a cafe chef to teenagers

TomatoSandwiches · 25/05/2026 19:44

They probably thought their teenager would sort them both out, there's no way I'm making lunch and snacks for a pair of 17yr olds.

I thought this was going to be about a primary aged child, you're being a bit precious.

GoodkneeBadKnee · 25/05/2026 19:44

I think if you'd stated her age in your OP, the pill results would look very different. And I think you knew that.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2026 19:43

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:33

They were out for a couple of hours first thing and then back to theirs. She had money to buy stuff so I wasn’t expecting them to pay, but to be at their home and not offer something seems odd to me. They don’t live near shops / food places so no opportunity to pop out and get something. She was fine about it, like I said I just can’t imagine having people here for a whole day and not giving them a meal.

Op, I take absolutely no notice of my 17yo and her friends if she has friends over. Obviously I’ll say hello etc but after that I’m not involved whatsoever. Whether that’s over lunch, dinner, sleepover. If they want some food, they are welcome to make whatever they want.

Original poster
Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:43

WiltedLettuce · 25/05/2026 19:41

It sounds a bit like a misunderstanding tbh. The friend's parents probably thought the friend would sort herself and DD out for lunch, and in the end she didn't (17yos often aren't great hosts!). I don't subscribe to the view that 17yos are essentially adults and should be left to look after themselves in all circumstances (I would ask a visitor of any age, but definitely shy teens, if they wanted something to eat), but I don't think it's awful of the parents to expect their teens and guests to sort themselves out if hungry.

Yes I would offer too, but you’re right that the parents probably thought their kid would sort something.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 25/05/2026 19:43

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:41

I mean she has several autistic traits but we’re in the queue for a diagnosis.

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So she's awaiting a formal diagnosis?

She's not "a bit autistic"?

VIII · 25/05/2026 19:43

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Do you not think that's a skill you should be working on? Surely she's capable of making lunch even if it's a sandwich.

It's very unusual for a 17 year old to have all their meals made for them.

pedropascalslittlefinger · 25/05/2026 19:43

When my 18 year old has friends round I see it as his responsibility to feed and water them tbh 🤷‍♀️

OxRug · 25/05/2026 19:42

I clicked YANBU before I realised you were talking about a 17 year old ffs 😵‍💫😂

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 19:42

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:41

I mean she has several autistic traits but we’re in the queue for a diagnosis.

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So why not say that? "Slightly autistic" is both offensive and inaccurate.

PartoftheBand · 25/05/2026 19:42

Agree with PPs that the parents probably expected them to sort their own lunches and can't really be blamed, but even at 17 if my DD had a friend over I'd check if they'd had/ if they wanted anything to eat if it was over a mealtime as part of polite conversation and general hospitality.

Original poster
Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

VIII · 25/05/2026 19:40

Do you make all her food for her at home? I can't see why you think it's normal to expect people to treat a 17 year old as if they were still 7. Confused

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We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

OP posts:
WiltedLettuce · 25/05/2026 19:41

It sounds a bit like a misunderstanding tbh. The friend's parents probably thought the friend would sort herself and DD out for lunch, and in the end she didn't (17yos often aren't great hosts!). I don't subscribe to the view that 17yos are essentially adults and should be left to look after themselves in all circumstances (I would ask a visitor of any age, but definitely shy teens, if they wanted something to eat), but I don't think it's awful of the parents to expect their teens and guests to sort themselves out if hungry.

Original poster
Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:41

ThejoyofNC · 25/05/2026 19:36

What do you mean "she's a bit autistic"?

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I mean she has several autistic traits but we’re in the queue for a diagnosis.

OP posts:
VIII · 25/05/2026 19:40

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:39

I think none of them ate. It’s not a big deal. She can survive perfectly well without a meal, she took a bottle of water with her. I just would personally be embarrassed to have people here all day and not offer food. From responses I guess that’s unusual with older teens.

Do you make all her food for her at home? I can't see why you think it's normal to expect people to treat a 17 year old as if they were still 7. Confused

Trackstar · 25/05/2026 19:40

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:39

I think none of them ate. It’s not a big deal. She can survive perfectly well without a meal, she took a bottle of water with her. I just would personally be embarrassed to have people here all day and not offer food. From responses I guess that’s unusual with older teens.

You see for me it's not me having people over all day, it's my teenager having people over and it's up to them to sort their friends out. I'm not the host of my teenagers mates.

SilverPink · 25/05/2026 19:39

17?! I’m not feeding my kids friends at that age. Either DCs will offer/make them food, or they’ll buy something. They’re more than capable.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2026 19:39

17!?! 😂😂😂 I’m sorry, but I’ve just laughed out loud. I have a 17 yo. Do you expect your adult friends to pack you some sandwiches op if you go out for the day?!?

Notmyreality · 25/05/2026 19:39

Helicopter parent much OP?

HoldItAllTogether · 25/05/2026 19:39

I never made lunch for my kids at that age and it wouldn’t have crossed my my mind to check in with their friends. Obviously if I happened to buy some pastries or something like that I might have offered but otherwise I’d have expected the ‘kids’ to work it out between them.
Its weird she didn’t mention that she was hungrey to her friend