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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

515 replies

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:24

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

OP posts:
VIII · 25/05/2026 20:04

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 20:02

She literally just turned 17, but yes we will work on making her more self sufficient.

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Even if she only just turned 17 surely independence is something you work on for years before they are 18. If she forgets to eat presumably she has a phone and she can set an alarm to remind her to eat?

ktopfwcv · 25/05/2026 20:04

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 20:02

She literally just turned 17, but yes we will work on making her more self sufficient.

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I lived on my own at 16. Made pasta at 8. Why haven't you started that process?

mathanxiety · 25/05/2026 20:04

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Can she assemble a sandwich?

ktopfwcv · 25/05/2026 20:03

likelysuspect · 25/05/2026 20:00

Its up to OP how she describes her daughters needs

Absolutely. And it's up to us to correct her.

Do you think the same about cancer? "I am a bit of a cancer patient.""Not diagnosed with cancer."

Original poster
Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 20:02

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2026 19:54

Ok, this is where your understanding of norms will be totally skewed then. This isn’t ‘normal’. What will she do if she goes to uni in a few months?

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She literally just turned 17, but yes we will work on making her more self sufficient.

OP posts:
Slinky40 · 25/05/2026 20:02

RS1987 · 25/05/2026 19:29

Of course she’d expect her child to be fed!! Would you take a child out for 8 hours and not give them lunch? Come on!

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She’s 17, hardly a child.

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I AM autistic.

Not "a little autistic". Autistic. Because it is a medical diagnosis.

HTH.

ktopfwcv · 25/05/2026 20:01

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:41

I mean she has several autistic traits but we’re in the queue for a diagnosis.

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So not autistic. Gotcha.

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:01

likelysuspect · 25/05/2026 20:00

Its up to OP how she describes her daughters needs

And other people are free to tell her that's she's using incorrect and offensive terminology.

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OneDreamyGreenMentor · 25/05/2026 20:01

I thought you were talking about a 4/5 year old. Not an almost adult. Come on OP, is your DD so lacking in independence she can’t think for herself? Does she expect you to make plans for her including lunch?

Slinky40 · 25/05/2026 20:01

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:28

No one ate lunch although the parents went out for a bit, so maybe ate then? She’s 17 and we gave her a decent early dinner, so it’s not a biggy. I just can’t imagine having guests for a whole day and not offering like at least a sandwich or something.

Isn’t 17 old enough to carry money and feed yourself when you’re hungry?

Anarchy99 · 25/05/2026 20:00

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:34

This is a fair point. Although I would have impressed upon her to make her guests food if it was me. She’s a bit autistic so sometimes needs stuff spelled out.

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What is a bit autistic? There is no such thing and it’s straying into the territory of causing offence to those of us who are actually autistic

Shelleyblueeyes · 25/05/2026 20:00

I think it all depends on what everyone else was doing she might have thought it was rude to speak up and so kept quiet.

It is odd though if you are taking someone out for that length if time you would assume food is factored in.
No harm done though. Just a lesson for next time she gets a similar opportunity x

likelysuspect · 25/05/2026 20:00

Its up to OP how she describes her daughters needs

ktopfwcv · 25/05/2026 19:59

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:34

This is a fair point. Although I would have impressed upon her to make her guests food if it was me. She’s a bit autistic so sometimes needs stuff spelled out.

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A bit autistic? Either she is or she isn't.

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 19:55

Askingforafriendtoday · 25/05/2026 19:52

Yes, it's not clear what OP means. But it is true that autism is a vast spectrum if neurodivergences, and given that you can be severely autistic, requiring special education, sometimes residential care, I suppose logically you can be a bit autistic but it seems a lazy term without more detail here

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No - you can't be a "a bit autistic."

You are either autistic or you are not. Within that diagnosis, there's a huge spectrum of abilities, from people who require 24/7 care to those who can work, drive and function with minimal support.

Bryonyberries · 25/05/2026 19:54

I have a 17 yo. My job is to make sure there is food in the house available to them. I wouldn’t physically make lunch for that age group. I’d expect my daughter to make food for her guests if they were hungry.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2026 19:54

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Ok, this is where your understanding of norms will be totally skewed then. This isn’t ‘normal’. What will she do if she goes to uni in a few months?

Askingforafriendtoday · 25/05/2026 19:52

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 19:37

There's no such thing as "a bit autistic". Hmm

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Yes, it's not clear what OP means. But it is true that autism is a vast spectrum if neurodivergences, and given that you can be severely autistic, requiring special education, sometimes residential care, I suppose logically you can be a bit autistic but it seems a lazy term without more detail here

TheBlueKoala · 25/05/2026 19:52

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Not necessarily cook but surely she can make herself a sandwich, take a youghurt and some fruit? My 12 y old ds is capable to sort himself out if I'm out.

diddl · 25/05/2026 19:51

Maybe they weren't expecting her to be there for long after the activity?

Or as others have said expected their daughter to offer food or your daughter to ask?

She was back at 4 so not too drastic.

Sometimes that has been my lunchtime!

likelysuspect · 25/05/2026 19:49

The friends parents are now just saying to her 'what you didnt offer your friend any food?'

WiltedLettuce · 25/05/2026 19:49

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:39

I think none of them ate. It’s not a big deal. She can survive perfectly well without a meal, she took a bottle of water with her. I just would personally be embarrassed to have people here all day and not offer food. From responses I guess that’s unusual with older teens.

I think it really depends, and maybe worth having a conversation with your DD about how to deal with situations like these.

Certainly at that age, I would have cut my arm off rather than asked a friend's parents for food (I would always have waited to be offered it), so I would definitely ask teens (or any visitor) if they wanted something to eat or drink as I'd assume they'd find it awkward to ask. Equally, we've had plenty of young visitors below the age of 10 who have had no difficulty at all articulating their needs and saying "WiltedLettuce, I'm hungry, what can I eat? Do you have pizza?" 😂. I can see that if you have one of those kids as a teenager, you'd just assume that the kids would speak up or sort themselves out if they wanted anything.

BillieWiper · 25/05/2026 19:48

She was alone in the house with her mate. I can't imagine that many 17 yo being arsed to offer someone a meal. They probably just raided the cupboards and surely she could've asked for a sandwich or toast or gone to the shop?

I wasn't fed by my friend's families after about 14. I guess partly as it seemed uncool, and snacks or fast food were more the thing?!