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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

515 replies

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:24

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

OP posts:
Datafan55 · 25/05/2026 20:52

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2026 20:47

The rule is that you wait to be offered; it isn’t polite to ask people to give you things/food. The flip side of that is that it is polite to offer at least a drink - and food if over a mealtime or a long time - to guests in your house. But it is rude to ask for something, basically because it puts the person you’re asking in a difficult position if they want to say “no”.

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Exactly this.

Anarchy99 · 25/05/2026 20:52

VIII · 25/05/2026 20:49

It's not rude at all. It's just something people are saying to make the parents at fault.

Also for those wanting to change their vote which I suspect is quite a large amount of people upon learning the OPs daughters age you can click on the alternative option.

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I have explained that I think it’s rude. The fact that so many people don’t means that there are clearly a lot of people who have no issue with asking people for stuff.

It shows a lack of manners.

bootle96 · 25/05/2026 20:52

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2026 20:48

My 17yo would definitely be embarrassed if she had friends over and I offered them a sandwich, because she would see that as her role. It would be a passive aggressive dig that she hadn’t done it. It would be making her look like a baby in front of her friends in her mind.

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Exactly this. My 16 year old would get food for himself and his friends. He’s more than capable and would definitely be embarrassed if I started interfering.

JackA · 25/05/2026 20:52

I get it OP because I am a food offerer regardless of the age of guests (I put it down to my Irish dad’s family!).

floatinginacoolpool · 25/05/2026 20:52

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:39

I think none of them ate. It’s not a big deal. She can survive perfectly well without a meal, she took a bottle of water with her. I just would personally be embarrassed to have people here all day and not offer food. From responses I guess that’s unusual with older teens.

Mine often have friends over while I am working now they are secondary age. So they know the arrangement is that they can help themselves and their friends to food but they need to make it themselves. They are 12 and 15 and make toasties /beans on toast /egg on toast /pancakes /noodles etc

I wouldn't think to remind them really, unless I happened to be making myself lunch and then I would offer everyone

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:51

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2026 20:47

The rule is that you wait to be offered; it isn’t polite to ask people to give you things/food. The flip side of that is that it is polite to offer at least a drink - and food if over a mealtime or a long time - to guests in your house. But it is rude to ask for something, basically because it puts the person you’re asking in a difficult position if they want to say “no”.

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Society has so many weird rules that I will never understand.

If I'm hungry I will ask for something to eat. Similarly to if I'm thirsty.

Anarchy99 · 25/05/2026 20:51

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:41

Genuinely - why is it impolite?

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Because asking for things from others is rude (unless it’s an emergency). I have had friends (sometimes with small children) who come in and ask for a hot drink, something for the child etc and I find it bizarre.

If I had done this growing up my mum would have been mortified. I tend to find people that do it to be cheeky fuckers in general and I am shocked that some find it acceptable.

See also poking through the cupboards and fridge. I wouldn’t expect even family members to do it.

bootle96 · 25/05/2026 20:50

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:28

No one ate lunch although the parents went out for a bit, so maybe ate then? She’s 17 and we gave her a decent early dinner, so it’s not a biggy. I just can’t imagine having guests for a whole day and not offering like at least a sandwich or something.

I thought you were talking about a young child! She’s an adult, if she was hungry ask for food. If they were out she could and should have brought her own food. Why are you even involved? Surely she make her own plans? If my teen has friends round they would get themselves food when they wanted it, unless they had been invited specifically for a meal or something. She makes her own lunch at home I’m assuming?

Deadleaves77 · 25/05/2026 20:50

I would expect 17 you to sort themselves out tbh. It might be awkward to say to the parents your hungry but it would expect a 17yo to tell their friend who could then make some lunch. But tbh crisps all day sounds not abnormal for teens hanging out

VIII · 25/05/2026 20:49

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:45

Why is it rude?

Lots of people are saying that, but nobody has actually explained why.

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It's not rude at all. It's just something people are saying to make the parents at fault.

Also for those wanting to change their vote which I suspect is quite a large amount of people upon learning the OPs daughters age you can click on the alternative option.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/05/2026 20:48

PartoftheBand · 25/05/2026 20:20

I think you are getting some quite harsh responses here. If I had someone visiting my house, regardless of their age, I'd offer them food out of politeness. Ridiculous to suggest teenagers would be embarrassed or annoyed by this.

My 17yo would definitely be embarrassed if she had friends over and I offered them a sandwich, because she would see that as her role. It would be a passive aggressive dig that she hadn’t done it. It would be making her look like a baby in front of her friends in her mind.

WimpoleHat · 25/05/2026 20:47

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:41

Genuinely - why is it impolite?

Show quote history

The rule is that you wait to be offered; it isn’t polite to ask people to give you things/food. The flip side of that is that it is polite to offer at least a drink - and food if over a mealtime or a long time - to guests in your house. But it is rude to ask for something, basically because it puts the person you’re asking in a difficult position if they want to say “no”.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 25/05/2026 20:47

I had a baby at 17, on my own. I think I could cope with only eating crisps for a few hours.

floatinginacoolpool · 25/05/2026 20:47

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:28

No one ate lunch although the parents went out for a bit, so maybe ate then? She’s 17 and we gave her a decent early dinner, so it’s not a biggy. I just can’t imagine having guests for a whole day and not offering like at least a sandwich or something.

If my 17 year old daughter had their friend over I would expect the two 17 year olds to help themselves to food/sort their own lunch together

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:45

Datafan55 · 25/05/2026 20:44

In someone else's house? - it is rude.

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Why is it rude?

Lots of people are saying that, but nobody has actually explained why.

MyNameIsTina · 25/05/2026 20:45

I voted YANBU but then I read she's 17 and would like to change it to YABU!

Fatiguedwithlife · 25/05/2026 20:44

I wouldn’t make lunch for 17 year olds particularly, unless we were all eating.

Datafan55 · 25/05/2026 20:44

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:29

What's impolite about asking for food when you're hungry?

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In someone else's house? - it is rude.

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:42

AplineDaisies · 25/05/2026 20:39

I think it's bad manners not to offer guests food. Anyone who comes into your home as a friend or family member is a guest.
I would have had food ready or ensured my dc knew to feed their friend. It's poor form how they treated your dd.

I would have been mortified if my parents had offered my friends food at that age.

At 17 I was more than capable of cooking and making us food.

Miyagi99 · 25/05/2026 20:42

I wouldn’t have thought to make/buy food for 17 year olds unless they were staying over, I’d expect mine to make food for them all if they’re hungry.

tiramisugelato · 25/05/2026 20:41

Anarchy99 · 25/05/2026 20:36

Tbf it IS impolite. Maybe it’s generational but the only thing I (GenX) would ask for in anyone’s house is a glass of water.

And I would find it rude if someone asked me for stuff in my house

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Genuinely - why is it impolite?

coolastheproverbialcucumber · 25/05/2026 20:40

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:34

This is a fair point. Although I would have impressed upon her to make her guests food if it was me. She’s a bit autistic so sometimes needs stuff spelled out.

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It’s odd. BUT. She’s 17. I was living by myself by then.

And she isn’t a ‘bit autistic’. She either is autistic, or not.

VanquishedColston · 25/05/2026 20:39

Omg 17 🤣🙈 Seriously OP.

AplineDaisies · 25/05/2026 20:39

I think it's bad manners not to offer guests food. Anyone who comes into your home as a friend or family member is a guest.
I would have had food ready or ensured my dc knew to feed their friend. It's poor form how they treated your dd.

StMarie4me · 25/05/2026 20:38

ThejoyofNC · 25/05/2026 19:36

What do you mean "she's a bit autistic"?

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My thoughts entirely…