DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

At 17 it’s between her and her friend. Parents don’t host play dates for 17 yr olds. I would have expected her friend to make some food if they were hungry. Sounds like they chose to have crisps.
If she’s on path to an autism diagnosis and presenting as much younger than chronological age it might be worth thinking about how you approach things in future as to be fair to the parents will have assumed she’s 17 and self sufficient like their dd.

It’s not the heat…

17? 😂😂😂😂 Thought she was about 8 based on your post. This has to be a joke thread.

I would offer in certain circumstances. And some people don’t give you the opportunity to offer anyway. A friend came round with her child (about 8) once and I could hear noise in the kitchen - when I went out there the child was helping himself from the fridge.

I don’t accept generally when things are offered either - unless you are there for a meal or something, I always think it’s offered out of politeness so would say no

Well I wouldn’t ask if I could make a sandwich but I would ask, are we eating, could you make me a sandwich to my friend.

You're assuming they didn't have food in. The parents went out and presumably thought two 17 year olds would be more than capable of getting food. She didn't need to ask permission she just needed to say to her friend let's sort some lunch.

If she had been primary school age this would have been odd (unless she was very fussy and wouldn’t eat the offerings I suppose)

at 17 I would probably assume that they would sort themselves out. I doubt my 17 year old and her friend would stick with me for a whole day so that’s a bit different to me 🤣

if we were out and I was buying food I would always offer (wouldn’t trough a subway and let them watch starving for example)

have to say during the holidays my older kids tend to only eat two meals a day . Breakfast when they surface, then tea at night. So a bag of crisps to put them on seems fairly normal to me 🤷‍♂️

I’d left home at 17 and so had Ds1
It wouldn’t have occurred to my mum to ask if I ate lunch when I was out with my friends. I never asked ds1 about his earring habits!

I thought she was going to be 7. YABVU if she’s 17, she should be more than capable of asking/ getting something at 17 and should have access to money.

If you’d of included her age in the original post the voting would have been very different.

When I have people at my house I always offer them food and drink.
Was it planned for her to stay all day?

Ds, aged 17, is autistic and has been out with a friend today. I’ve just realised I don’t actually know if he had lunch while he was out (they went into town and then back to friends house) or if he has had tea. I was also out around tea time, and the only reason I know he has eaten anything is because it was barbecue left overs tonight and there was a lamb kofta I had my eye on and it had gone when I went to get it - he is the only other person here who likes them, so I’m assuming he had it. I have spoken to him since I got in, just not about food, I assume he has sorted himself. I would definitely expect him to sort himself out if he had a friend over, but wouldn’t be surprised if that constituted a packet of crisps and other simple junk food rather than something I would offer a friend if I had someone over.

@Z0rr0 Jesus Christ, she's 17. This woman is old enough to have had sex and drive a car. Why are you talking about her as if she is a small toddler?

"but she's 17 ffs"... If I had a guest aged 17 or 27 or 77 at my house I would offer them some food or suggest we go and get some from somewhere.

It’s not weird. You ask for something to eat. What if that person has carefully planned their meals for the week and only has the food in the house that they need to feed their family? You wait for them to offer on the basis that they won’t offer you something that they “need”. Equally, it’s incumbent upon the host to make guests feel comfortable and offer them sufficient food and drink while they are there (because it’s rude for guests to ask).

To me this is one of those slightly odd, day to day occurrences that I wouldn't waste five minutes thinking about, let alone starting a thread.

You need to teach your daughter to be resilient enough to cope with these little disadvantages, and you are doing her no favours by making it into a big thing. No 17 year old has ever been even slightly harmed by just having crisps for lunch. Move on.

I don't host anyone either (at least, not in the MN sense) but anyone who is visiting my home for any reason gets offered a drink and something to eat.

All these people saying "it's rude to ask" - I would assume never offer because otherwise their guests would never feel the need to ask in the first place.

Yes - exactly

She’s 17! Basically an adult! This is ridiculous

Cross posted - I would usually offer but I wouldn’t take anything offered.

But then I don’t ’host’ people with the same sense of occasion as most

I should clarify that offering is different (although I always say no if someone offers me something to eat but will offer something to them)

Surely it's much ruder to have guests and leave them hungry and thirsty?

If someone comes to my house, I immediately offer them a drink and something to eat, and then continue to do so every hour or so. I would be mortified if someone felt like they had to ask.

She’s 17 ha. The parents might have facilitated the event but they aren’t babysitting at that age.

I guess your DD’s friend didn’t eat either? Since the parents went out maybe they assumed the ‘kids’ would have fended for themselves during that time if they had wanted something. 8 hours without food is normal for lots of people.

Maybe just a life lesson for DD not to rely on other peoples’ hosting etiquette - always take what you need for yourself as backup.

And exactly this.