DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

At 17, I’d expect her to buy her own lunch. Even my 13 year old has a job and would buy her own lunch on a day out with friends. When I was 17, I was living on my own about an 8 hour drive from my parents and fending for myself. 😂

Ha! Love this. True

This is the issue -
she is not self sufficient in ensuring she eats regularly -
I would start here and work on instilling a good self directed routine,
I would not expect another family to make sure she eats

People always talk about ‘guests’. To me, guests are those you have expressly invited and when there is a clear understanding of what is expected. So if you invite them for a meal then of course. Otherwise it’s tea/instant coffee/water.

If someone comes over without warning then they can make their own arrangements! It comes from the way so was brought up (although my parents were generous people with visitors and they would offer and in fact sometimes did impromptu meals etc but I was never comfortable with that) and also from not generally having more than a little bit of food in the house when I lived alone. (No milk, bread etc).

I would be mortified to ask for or accept anything unless I was there expressly for a meal

"We gave her a decent early dinner" - hilarious!! I fear for the future when this generarion is in the workplace!

“I’d left home at 17 and so had Ds1
It wouldn’t have occurred to my mum to ask if I ate lunch when I was out with my friends. I never asked ds1 about his earring habits!”
I meant eating habits! DS doesn’t have an earring!!

Was your DD upset to have not been offered lunch or is it YOU who is upset?

Because many a time I have come home from work during the holidays to my teenage kids to find they had had a movie/gaming day and eaten a family pack of Cheesy Doodles or a box of Jaffa Cakes or chocolate - and never got around to eating lunch because they were full of crisps....

But I would expect them to fend for themselves at that age - especially given you write that the parents went out. I would not have given it a second thought (or questioned them on what they had for lunch at 17).

But then again I live in a country where many kids live in unsupervised, self-catering student accommodation for A-levels at age 15-16 and are expected to look after themselves.

Why is it awkward?

IMO you shouldn’t have guests if you aren’t prepared to offer them food and drink, even if it’s just a cup of tea and a couple of digestives.

I would think someone incredibly rude if they popped over to see me, opened their bag and started eating their own lunch or snack 🤣

I would consider the 17 year old the host in this situation,

especially if the parents were out.

i’d hope my dc would offer food. I’d also hope their guests could ask them (not me as the parent, especially if I’m not even in the house) for food.

at that age they float in and out of other people’s houses all the time and honestly I’m only sorting food for them if I expect them (and even then I’d probably suggest takeout because who keeps enough food for several hungry teens in the house?)

I would find that awkward. If you are visiting someone and they offer, fine. If they don’t and you really can’t manage without food or drink then perhaps pack something for emergencies

Sorry op at 17 your daughter can source and get food and drink. If 5 it be a different answer. Yes yabu.

Gosh when mine were 17 I just left them to it. They often had friends round and I just let them got in with it. If they wanted to cook they could- sometimes they’d order pizza. Was I supposed to check in with them that they’d eaten? It never crossed my mind.

You can change it by clicking the other result.

She's a virtual adult, not a child of 7. It's up to her what she does in these circumstances.

Well I feel robbed want my poll result changed 🤣

I suspect it was deliberate so as to tip the vote in her favour.

No, absolutely not a full meal if they are only here for a few hours. If they were here over lunchtime then DS would do sandwich or panini or similar. They are often starving after school so might do something similar for himself and friends for after school snack. He can cook full meals (he’s expected to cook dinner once a week) but I don’t think he’s ever cooked a full meal for friends. We eat as a family at dinner so if they had friends over for dinner I would usually cook.

Think you missed out the most important part that she is hardly a child . At 17 she could sort herself out

She was the 17yo DD’s guest.

I would just ask if they had anything to eat. I’m not asking if they can cook me lunch - just a banana or some toast or an apple would be fine.

So in your world it’s “appallingly rude” to ask for a banana or some toast, but perfectly acceptable to whip out a sandwich and start eating? 🤣

Why would you put your friend into the position where they have to make an excuse?

Would you ask for something specific or just something to eat?

Hah yes, you make a good point.

Luckily all my friends and family are much more relaxed than people appear to be on here

Totally agree OP ...basic hospitality

Age is irrelevant, she was their guest

I’m AuDHD and society’s rules are indeed complex so better to err on the side of not asking for things. If you have the sort of social circle where is acceptable then fine but plenty of us find it appallingly rude.

Take food or drink with you