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Original poster

DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

515 replies

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:24

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

OP posts:
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katepilar · 28/05/2026 07:34

I wonder what PPs would in reality do, if they were in your 17 yo daughter's shoes. Lots of people seem to be very judging.

AnnaQuayRules · 28/05/2026 04:10

Empress13 · 25/05/2026 21:31

Well I feel robbed want my poll result changed 🤣

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You can change your vote yourself. Just tick the other option

choc1cheese1 · 28/05/2026 00:20

Sorry but words fail me!! She's 17, my daughter moved away to uni at that age, like most of her peers! Maybe time to help her look after herself in every situation!!

sunnydisaster · 27/05/2026 13:38

At 17 they sort themselves out, especially for lunch! If I’m cooking dinner I’ll ask if ‘friend’ wants dinner (my DCs are in their 20s), but otherwise it’s every DC for themselves!
No such thing as ‘a bit autistic’ - you can say traits or waiting to be diagnosed.

Foraor · 27/05/2026 13:27

Z0rr0 · 25/05/2026 19:42

We do. She wouldn’t cook for herself if left to it.

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Well, there you go. You’re babying her, and assuming that the adults of the friend she was visiting would baby her and their own 17 year old too.

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 13:24

It always amazes me that grown ass adults can’t sit and talk for an hour without needing biscuits/cakes etc to stop them wasting away 😬

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 13:23

tiramisugelato · 27/05/2026 13:09

But your posts imply that if you invite someone for coffee you wouldn’t offer anything to go with it, for example.

What happens if someone comes for coffee, you get chatting and they get peckish? Would you rather them leave instead of ask if you have any biscuits?

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If I have biscuits I offer them. I try to get stuff in if I invite someone.

If I don’t offer something it means I don’t have it to offer.

tiramisugelato · 27/05/2026 13:09

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 13:07

Yes I do which is why I will offer something if I have it. If someone has been invited over then I push the boat out.

If someone decides to turn up with no warning then I often don’t have staple stuff to offer.

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But your posts imply that if you invite someone for coffee you wouldn’t offer anything to go with it, for example.

What happens if someone comes for coffee, you get chatting and they get peckish? Would you rather them leave instead of ask if you have any biscuits?

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 13:08

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 12:59

Yep you're one of those passive aggressive types 😂

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That’s okay - you are clearly one of the cf types. Everyone is different 😄

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 13:07

tiramisugelato · 27/05/2026 13:00

Do you not care about your guests comfort levels?

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Yes I do which is why I will offer something if I have it. If someone has been invited over then I push the boat out.

If someone decides to turn up with no warning then I often don’t have staple stuff to offer.

tiramisugelato · 27/05/2026 13:00

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 12:36

Using the toilet or asking for a glass of water isn’t the same as wanting food or hot drinks or whatever when they aren’t offered. But you know that, I’m sure.

If you are invited over for coffee or dinner then it’s going to be offered.

But I wouldn’t be crass enough just to turn up at someone’s house without being asked and expect to be fed. Maybe that’s just my circle

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Do you not care about your guests comfort levels?

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 12:59

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 12:36

Using the toilet or asking for a glass of water isn’t the same as wanting food or hot drinks or whatever when they aren’t offered. But you know that, I’m sure.

If you are invited over for coffee or dinner then it’s going to be offered.

But I wouldn’t be crass enough just to turn up at someone’s house without being asked and expect to be fed. Maybe that’s just my circle

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Yep you're one of those passive aggressive types 😂

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 12:55

HortiGal · 27/05/2026 12:52

@Anarchy99 cheeky to ask for a glass of water? just let your visitors go hungry and thirsty🙄

You have clearly misread my post. I said of course asking to use the toilet if you don’t know where it is and asking for a glass of water is fine.

Perhaps read the post before eye rolling 🤣

HortiGal · 27/05/2026 12:52

@Anarchy99 cheeky to ask for a glass of water? just let your visitors go hungry and thirsty🙄

Thechaseison71 · 27/05/2026 12:38

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 12:36

Using the toilet or asking for a glass of water isn’t the same as wanting food or hot drinks or whatever when they aren’t offered. But you know that, I’m sure.

If you are invited over for coffee or dinner then it’s going to be offered.

But I wouldn’t be crass enough just to turn up at someone’s house without being asked and expect to be fed. Maybe that’s just my circle

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But no one knows if the girl was even hungry in the first place.

And if she was what's wrong with saying" I'm hungry, where can I order/ collect food from round here

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 12:36

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 10:05

Cheeky is borrowing money you don't pay back, asking for favours you don't return.

Just telling your friends and family you are hungry, thirsty, tired, need the bathroom etc isn't cheeky, it's taking care of your basic needs.

Not mentioning what you want and then seething afterwards is passive aggressive.
Reminds me of the "I was pregnant and hungry at my MILs house but couldn't bring myself to ask for a piece of toast" threads.

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Using the toilet or asking for a glass of water isn’t the same as wanting food or hot drinks or whatever when they aren’t offered. But you know that, I’m sure.

If you are invited over for coffee or dinner then it’s going to be offered.

But I wouldn’t be crass enough just to turn up at someone’s house without being asked and expect to be fed. Maybe that’s just my circle

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 10:05

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 09:48

No it’s cf behaviour to ask for things in other people’s houses. I agree the friend should have offered but maybe they did

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Cheeky is borrowing money you don't pay back, asking for favours you don't return.

Just telling your friends and family you are hungry, thirsty, tired, need the bathroom etc isn't cheeky, it's taking care of your basic needs.

Not mentioning what you want and then seething afterwards is passive aggressive.
Reminds me of the "I was pregnant and hungry at my MILs house but couldn't bring myself to ask for a piece of toast" threads.

tiramisugelato · 27/05/2026 10:04

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 08:36

This is exactly what it is, the passive aggression 😂

Oh no darling it would be so cheeky to say what you need! But also I can't believe how terrible your friend was for not guessing what you need, I must get on mumsnet about it immediately...

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Exactly! People can’t possibly be allowed to use their words and express their needs and wants 🙄

TappyGilmore · 27/05/2026 09:53

2O26 · 27/05/2026 03:32

It would be easier to say, 'Let's get something to eat,' if there were somewhere to go (but the OP said there are no food places nearby). The DD would need to say, 'I'm starving. What do you have in the house to eat?"

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My 16 year old would most likely have said “let’s get Uber Eats” and this is coming from a city kid who almost always has food places within an easy walk.

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 09:48

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 08:31

Do you really think it's cheeky for a 17 year old to organise having lunch with their friend 🤔How strange!

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No it’s cf behaviour to ask for things in other people’s houses. I agree the friend should have offered but maybe they did

TappyGilmore · 27/05/2026 09:46

My DD is 16 and yes I feed her friends if they are here over a mealtime, but I don’t think many of her friend’s parents feed teen guests. It’s because I plan my whole day around meals, so my thinking tends to go along the lines of “we will have xxxxx for lunch, oh yes yyyyyy will be here” whereas I think other people don’t tend to plan so much and are more into just eating what they feel like, when they feel like it.

And also, an English muffin is not really an adequate breakfast for a 17 year old. A decent breakfast probably would have meant she wouldn’t have missed lunch.

Anarchy99 · 27/05/2026 09:46

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 08:36

This is exactly what it is, the passive aggression 😂

Oh no darling it would be so cheeky to say what you need! But also I can't believe how terrible your friend was for not guessing what you need, I must get on mumsnet about it immediately...

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Then you know some strange people - don’t judge everyone by their standards

mrsbowes · 27/05/2026 08:36

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 27/05/2026 03:22

I don't agree that it's a faux pas for a 17yo to say to their similarly aged friend while hanging out "I'm starving, let's get something to eat".

The people I know who have your attitude aren't meek and compliant either, they're just passive aggressive and they love a good bitch and moan when their hapless target didn't correctly guess whatever it was that they wanted.

I'm not saying you're like this because I don't know you obviously, but literally everyone I know who makes a big deal about etiquette is insufferably unpleasant and ill-mannered themselves.

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This is exactly what it is, the passive aggression 😂

Oh no darling it would be so cheeky to say what you need! But also I can't believe how terrible your friend was for not guessing what you need, I must get on mumsnet about it immediately...

AGreatUsername · 27/05/2026 08:35

I have 2 teenagers just about to turn 17. They have friends here ALL the time. If I fed them all I’d be broke. If they have someone here at tea I’ll offer to do them tea, but the rest of the time they’re on their own (as they are for lunch all week, they can make a sandwich or air fry some frozen food perfectly well they are almost adults!).

I would not expect their friends parents to offer lunch

fatandfrumpy20 · 27/05/2026 08:33

putini · 27/05/2026 06:22

So apparently when you're 17 you don't need food ... according to many on here 🙄

My children are older and I'd be annoyed if they didn't offer their friends food and drinks. It's quite basic.

If your daughter knew beforehand she probably would have bought something while she had the chance or taken something with her.

I remember my son was about 10 years old and was invited to spend the day with a friend for his birthday. They wanted him to spend the whole day with their son so he left in the morning. Went to a trampoline park in the afternoon, Went back to the house. No food or water and then got a kfc about 6pm. He said he felt sick because he'd gone all day with no food or water. Pisses me off to this day.... 8 years later

Ten is very different to 17. At 17 she should have a job and the means and wherewithal to buy her own lunch if she’s hungry.