AIBU to refuse contact after he ignored our agreement today?

so he said
'hey DD guess what, wouldn't you like me to take you and your friend to the beach tomorrow? oh, I suppose I'd better ask mummy eh?'

'oh no, DD horrible mummy says you can't go to the beach after all. we will have to tell your friend she can't go either. what a shame. Horrible mummy'

he was very lucky you let him have contact ONCE. Then he proved he wasn't to be trusted. Don't trust him again, he's proved he doesn't deserve it. If your DD is disappointed, plan a different treat for her and the friend.

Definitely no for the beach with her friend. If I were the friend's parent I would be furious I hadn't been informed.
For the future he needs supervised contact at a contact centre to see how he is with her. At a push maybe with his mother if you trust her to have her grandchild's best interests at heart and you have a good relationship with her. You need to trust she will watch all interactions, never leave them alone and intervene if necessary. That's a big ask. Discuss the future and get advice from your solicitor to keep her safe

Quite.

That wont stop abuse of her.
Unless superbised by third party
Not his family

He'd never see her again if she was my DD.

Is the friend a friend of your daughter's? If yes, and I was the friend's parent and I discovered (later) that she'd been out with someone with a history of abuse and you hadn't alerted me to this, then I would raise hell upon you for knowingly letting my child be placed in such a bad situation.

Your DD will have to wait for another day to see her friend.

Not only did he assault your DD he stood in court and admitted it, for which he was found guilty and given, IMO, a paltry fine.
You're now letting this very same man spend time with her without being there?

Is there a valid reason why you're letting the very person that assaulted your DD spend time with her without you being there?

Yes, your DD's father should have stuck to the agreement but felt so cock sure of himself he over ruled you, any chance that's because he sees someone that would allow him to take the very child he assaulted out for the day as being weak.

He now wants to take her to the beach with a friend tomorrow, and she would like to go. I want to say no, and he didn't stick to the agreement today. Is this the right thing to do?

You're not wrong to stop him seeing her, but it should be because he's abused her and not because he broke the agreement.

I could, but she particularly wants to go with her friend and I can't tomorrow.

I'm assuming there wasn't any restrictions on him seeing his DD given while in court.

Are you the resident parent? If so you need to start being the resident parent where her and her father arranging outings are concerned, you either stop him taking her out, anywhere, or you don't, you can't stop him inorder to punish him as that will punish your DD too.

In this case maybe a court order for acsess would be better, then if he breaks it its not you he's going against.

No way, your daughter does not go anywhere with her abusive father unless he is supervised and even then on a strict timetable with you knowing exactly where she is at all times. One slip up and he will have to go to court to see her again.

You can take her to the beach I assume

What the actual fuck…

How old is she
What kind of assault
what was the outcome of the court case

so many questions….. what a mess

What did social worker advise about contact?
If you believe is ok in park then you believe is ok
For other trips.

Edited

Why on earth have you let him see her?

Sorry...
He assulted her and you are allowing contact? Why?

I assumed this was rage bait but given your posting history appears to be genuine... I can't understand any possible reason you'd be seriously asking this question on Mumsnet.

Surely there's a significant amount of context as to why he's seeing her at all, plus the legal scaffolding and social care involvement, which means you shouldn't need/want to canvas opinion on the matter here. Or at least I hope so.

She's likely terrorised and fawning as a trauma response.

Did the court allow the violent child abuser to access his victim?

Huh, why is he getting contact after assaulting her?!

Yabu, ban all contact and simply never speak to this man again.

When you say assaulted, what do you mean?

No way, I would stop contact until the court decides otherwise and then push for supervised visit.

he’s abused your trust, he could take her to the beach and stop in a hotel, what if he hurts again, god no no way

Why on earth are you allowing someone who assaulted your daughter time with him and on his own!

you go to court if you think he deserves to see her(which would but be happening in my watch) and get court ordered agreement at a centre where they are watched

now he just going to say that he may have assaulted her but you support that as you are happy he see her on his own

i I can’t believe you have let him see her

He assaulted her?
Was she not scared to go with him?

Nope. Does your DDs friend's parents know he's got an assault charge hanging over him? No way I'd let my child go with him. Also, if you're in the South it's going to be even hotter tomorrow, the beaches will be packed, and he sounds untrustworthy to keep your DD (and a potential friend) safe.

What does she want?

and apart from that, frankly, No!