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AIBU?

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AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

812 replies

CanyonRider · 25/05/2026 18:20

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
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6
IceColdTruth · 25/05/2026 18:45

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/05/2026 18:23

YABU. Would you request another cashier at a shop if their partner voted Reform?

Well the role of a cashier in your life is rather different to that of a therapist, don’t you think? The ‘therapeutic relationship’ is core to the therapy being effective, and the person needs to feel psychologically safe. Trust can be broken for all sorts of reasons, rational or not. It can be worked through of course, but it is a totally different dynamic to that with the person who scans your bread and baked beans.

fatandfrumpy20 · 25/05/2026 18:45

Looneytune253 · 25/05/2026 18:29

To be fair, my husband is a reform
supporter and (apart from this) is the kindest most emotionally intelligent man. I have a job where clients might not like that, but it makes no difference to how I do my job and even how my husband reacts to my clients. They are none the wiser. Genuinely I wouldn’t sack your therapist over this

Those two things are mutually exclusive.

Dexternight · 25/05/2026 18:44

@CanyonRider 💯 percent avoid.
Birds of a feather and all that.
You feel uneasy, don't blame you.
You are paying for the service, and YOU shouldn't have to feel like this.

Avoid avoid avoid.

Runningswanker · 25/05/2026 18:44

Meadowfinch · 25/05/2026 18:40

No of course not, but those are vile crimes.

As far as we are aware the therapist's husband has committed no crime. Being a member of Reform does not make someone a murderer or abuser.

This seems to be part of a growing intolerance on all sides which just makes things worse. Views become more entrenched, people stop talking to each other.

There's a remarkably high proportion of reform councillors who have quit after their behaviour has been exposed once elected though, so statistically speaking...
Being tolerant isn't something done in an ethical vacuum, there's no requirement to tolerate individuals who promote racism. Racism is pretty vile, I hope you'd agree.

Dandelyon · 25/05/2026 18:43

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/05/2026 18:23

YABU. Would you request another cashier at a shop if their partner voted Reform?

Are you emotionally intimate with your shop cashiers? That must be uncomfortable for them.

Notmyreality · 25/05/2026 18:42

“Am I overreacting?”

Yes.

Notmyreality · 25/05/2026 18:41

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/05/2026 18:40

I would recommend a lot more therapy

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Octavia64 · 25/05/2026 18:41

Why on earth would you assume your therapist supports the same political party as her husband?

quite apart from anything else

BillieWiper · 25/05/2026 18:41

Yeah I mean she must be too. Or if she's not she's not strongly 'not' enough as I'd consider divorcing someone if they were.

Meadowfinch · 25/05/2026 18:40

Acommonreader · 25/05/2026 18:37

Would you tolerate a Nazi in your social circle because they had other pleasant qualities? What about a murderer, a pedophile or a child abuser? If not- why?

No of course not, but those are vile crimes.

As far as we are aware the therapist's husband has committed no crime. Being a member of Reform does not make someone a murderer or abuser.

This seems to be part of a growing intolerance on all sides which just makes things worse. Views become more entrenched, people stop talking to each other.

SandwichSuperstar · 25/05/2026 18:40

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 25/05/2026 18:33

It isn't about her having different opinions from her husband, it's about her willingness to tolerate his immoral behaviour. That says a huge amount about her own values.

What's the point of having a therapist that you can't trust?

Dunno, I mean what's the point in the thread even? 🤷‍♂️

Whatever the OP chooses to spend their money on is nothing to do with us.

Or they may just be bored on a bank holiday of course.

Ablondiebutagoody · 25/05/2026 18:40

I would recommend a lot more therapy

CanyonRider · 25/05/2026 18:39

RaininSummer · 25/05/2026 18:31

How odd. Will you be checking the voting intentions if the families if you doctor, dentist and hairdresser too?

I didn’t check. I was reading an article in the local paper where he mentioned his wife’s name, the fact that they were very recently married and one other thing. That allowed me to join the dots. Also voting intention is not the same as marrying a politician.

OP posts:
Acommonreader · 25/05/2026 18:37

Meadowfinch · 25/05/2026 18:31

You've known, and liked this lady for a year. She is good for you, but you plan to cut the relationship because you dislike her husband's politics.😳

I think you are very intolerant and you'll end up with very few friends
My niece married a Trump supporter. Two of my sisters have husbands who bore me senseless, one of my work colleagues holds strong pro-trans (anti-feminist) views.

These are people I love, or at least like. I am capable of separating their many good points from their one opinion/husband that I dislike.

They are entitled.to those choices/opinions. As long as they don't try to inflict those views on you, there should be no problem. Or do you see yourself as the thought police?

Edited

Would you tolerate a Nazi in your social circle because they had other pleasant qualities? What about a murderer, a pedophile or a child abuser? If not- why?

Runningswanker · 25/05/2026 18:34

SandwichSuperstar · 25/05/2026 18:31

Yes, silly little fluffy headed women simply must agree with their husband's politics.

No minds of our own at all.

Regardless of whether they agree with them or not, if your husband/wife is an elected councillor that does come with support of the household - practically, emotionally, financially, it wouldn't be feasible to do it otherwise.
Also realistically the wife at least tolerates it. I wouldn't want to finance someone who was happy to, at best, overlook the hate that reform spread.

Acommonreader · 25/05/2026 18:34

Misnofitness · 25/05/2026 18:23

This has to be the ultimate Mumsnet pearl clutch

clearly you don’t believe women are capable of having their own opinions

Not at all. The therapist can of course choose who she votes for. I personally would not want a therapist who would be married to a reform voter.
Ditch the therapist. This association shows you her true character and level and of integrity .

BuffetTheDietSlayer · 25/05/2026 18:34

I wouldn’t want therapy from someone that would partner with a racist.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 25/05/2026 18:33

SandwichSuperstar · 25/05/2026 18:31

Yes, silly little fluffy headed women simply must agree with their husband's politics.

No minds of our own at all.

It isn't about her having different opinions from her husband, it's about her willingness to tolerate his immoral behaviour. That says a huge amount about her own values.

What's the point of having a therapist that you can't trust?

Meadowfinch · 25/05/2026 18:31

You've known, and liked this lady for a year. She is good for you, but you plan to cut the relationship because you dislike her husband's politics.😳

I think you are very intolerant and you'll end up with very few friends
My niece married a Trump supporter. Two of my sisters have husbands who bore me senseless, one of my work colleagues holds strong pro-trans (anti-feminist) views.

These are people I love, or at least like. I am capable of separating their many good points from their one opinion/husband that I dislike.

They are entitled.to those choices/opinions. As long as they don't try to inflict those views on you, there should be no problem. Or do you see yourself as the thought police?

CarpetofBluebells · 25/05/2026 18:31

I think your reason for changing therapist is totally valid. I would also not be keen to use a therapist in these circumstances.

TemporarilyCantDoMyself · 25/05/2026 18:31

Retired therapist here. I've also had therapy myself with many different therapists. I'd feel exactly as you do. I'd be shocked and dismayed and talk it through with her for a couple of sessions, but the trust would be very rocky with someone who married an active Reform party member.

RaininSummer · 25/05/2026 18:31

How odd. Will you be checking the voting intentions if the families if you doctor, dentist and hairdresser too?

SandwichSuperstar · 25/05/2026 18:31

Misnofitness · 25/05/2026 18:23

This has to be the ultimate Mumsnet pearl clutch

clearly you don’t believe women are capable of having their own opinions

Yes, silly little fluffy headed women simply must agree with their husband's politics.

No minds of our own at all.

Ineffable23 · 25/05/2026 18:30

If you don't want to spend your money there you are perfectly entitled to take your money elsewhere.

Mclaren10 · 25/05/2026 18:30

Uanbu to question her judgment and/or values as being very different to yours and preferring a therapist you are more in line with.