AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

Openly racist polices, in your opinion. Funny you should mention tolerating living with somebody who votes Reform. Looks like the therapist has more tolerance than you, for instance. If people are going to be narrow minded, maybe judging experiences on case by case but to carte blanche refuse to have anything to do with Reformers makes those bigots the thick ones. No rationale is being applied, as it's just the same outbursts every time.

I assume she does have agency, yes, and that she willingly she chose to marry a Reform councillor. So I think it’s reasonable to consider that she is comfortable with that. And some people - OP included, apparently - are not comfortable with a therapist that feels that way. Why does the OP’s right to choose her therapist based on their perceived values offend anyone? Voting preference isn’t a protected characteristic. I thought Reform fans were all about free speech?

A better analogy would be parents refusing to have have their children be taught by teachers who vote Reform. And if that’s their choice and they can easily facilitate (bit harder than an adult finding a new therapist but possibly doable) then why would you want to deny them that choice?

I don't see how you can avoid judging someone who chooses to spend their life with a Reform politician. This is not just someone who supports their policies, but actively promotes them. I don't see how anyone could tolerate living with, let alone being married to, someone who espouses openly racist policies, to say nothing of their policies around disability and poverty unless they also feel, at the very least, some sympathy with those views. That would definitely not be someone I wanted to discuss very personal issues with, nor indeed would it be someone whose judgment I felt I could trust.

Does his wife not have agency or is she meant to mirror every particle of her husband? Who is the OP to judge her therapist's choice of partner? What next - teachers refusing to teach kids whose parents vote Reform? That's where we are heading.

Agree with almost all of your post, except this

for her to lose business because of her husband’s politics seems a bit unjust. Women are individuals and not extensions of their husbands.

No-one has a right to clients. And women are of course not extensions of their husbands but each of us has to be aware of how the actions of those we choose to surround ourselves with reflect back on us. Plenty don’t have an issue, but if OP does she’s entitled to take her business elsewhere.

Who do you vote for? Is that an intrusive question or is it only Reform voters that are allowed to be scrutinised for their choice? @CaesarAugusta

Of course, but you have described OP’s personal preference to not put money in the pocket of this therapist because of her husband’s job as fascism. Doesn’t sound like you’re that keen on personal preference e really.

Have you actually ever heard logic from Reform voters? I haven't.

What exactly makes you think the two jobs are remotely comparable in this context?

he wouldn't want to live next door to Romanian men (I actually live two doors down from a lovely Romanian man)

To be fair - Farage was asked if he would live next door to 'a group of Romanian men' - not one Romanian man. James O'Brien asked him what the difference was between a group of Romanian men and a German family. Apparently, champagne socialist O'Brien, who sent his daughters to private school, would be perfectly fine with an HMO of Romanian men next door. Of course he would.

How did we get to assuming all Polish people are racist? They’re not, just like not all English people are not. But if I discovered a tradesperson I planned to or had contracted was racist, I would ask them to leave.

And I would consider that a person married to a Reform councillor was comfortable with values that clashed with my own. Not even necessarily racism but a general low regard for facts and a strong appetite for bullshit. Each to their own but I’d rather spend money with someone I trust and that would probably be someone with stronger analytical skills.

I’m a therapist. I think if I were in your position OP, my initial reaction would be the same as yours.

However, if you have a good relationship with your therapist, I would really encourage you to talk about this with her. It could be a valuable exploration for you to do together.

Although I’m a therapist I obviously still have personal views, opinions and positions I hold on certain topics. But I never, ever let these come into the client work.

Similarly, I often work with clients who express views that are polar opposite to mine. In these cases I am able to remain completely neutral and try to be as open and curious as possible about their perspective and how it came to be shaped in such a way.

It sounds like your therapist is good at what she does and for her to lose business because of her husband’s politics seems a bit unjust. Women are individuals and not extensions of their husbands.

Talk to her about how it’s made you feel. It sounds like your therapeutic relationship is strong enough to tolerate this kind of challenge.

Absolutely it explains a lot. It explains that there are a lot of thick racists in the UK. Sadly

In your opinion.

I take a pretty dim view personally of those who seek to defend the indefensible. There are some subjects which are worthy of debate imo. And there are some things which should not be up for debate at all.

I don't base those choices on politics. Probably because I don't think I'm superior to everyone else. Moreover, it's irrelevant to my consumer habits. I make distinctions on personal preferences. Don't you?

I have been a Therapist for 31 years and will vote Reform. If a client left because of my political views its their loss. I have seen plenty of clients that are "hard left" and it certainly wouldn't put me off counselling them. I accept people as they are.

Not controversial - I was asking Dexternight if she would employ a Polish tradesman in view of her post. She said there was a type to look out for.

This was a while ago, but nevertheless;

Tomas, 31, a builder who has lived in the UK for three years, said: 'It's true, most Polish people don't like Indians and black people.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2007/apr/15/asylum.raceintheuk

Would you hire a tradesman who was openly misogynistic while in your home?

I did once have a tradesman who commented 'are you sure - women always change their minds' - I wouldn't have him back.

How has the op's therapist been openly racist or anti-green energy etc.? Would you employ someone who was married to a Polish tradesman?

So we should assume that you shop in every single shop, no discernment, no choices, because to make any distinction in where you spend your money would be… fascist? Ok.👍

From what I can find there are 15 Reform resignations and 3 Greens, one of which is because they were elected mayor somewhere else. There are awful people everywhere of course but there does seem to be a denser concentration in Reform.

I’m very familiar with the reasons people support Reform, but that doesn’t negate the inability of those voters to really explain what it is they think reform policy will do to change things. It’s impossible for them to do that, because reform policy is unclear, delivered on the hoof and changes depending on the day.

You seem to be saying ‘people are emotional about being called irrational, so they vote for a party that has no track record and no policies’. Sounds like you’re calling Reform voters stupid tbh.

The net migration figures and comparisons are more complicated than I can be bothered to explain to you, if you’re interested you can read about them. But I know you won’t, so I’m not going to waste my time.

😆 🤣

I think you don't know that fascism moved direction way back.

I think you don’t know what fascism is.

These (prolific) guilty by association Reform threads always remind me of the mean girls at school. They would demand you didn't make friends outside of the clique. The bitchy we are better than you attitudes seemingly don't leave some women.

I hate Reform with a vengeance and almost certainly couldn’t be friends with a Reform voter. But I wouldn’t refuse treatment from a professional who openly supported Reform, let alone their partner, as long as they were competent at their job.