Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

812 replies

CanyonRider · 25/05/2026 18:20

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Allisnotlost1 · 26/05/2026 10:59

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 09:52

Reform will not hinder the north sea and will scrap carbon taxes and green levies that increase the end user cost of energy. It will bring energy costs down (highest in Europe)

We can all say we’ll do whatever we want. Tell me how will Reform ‘bring down energy costs? Do you know why our energy costs are higher than equivalent countries?*

*Clue: it’s not green levies and carbon taxes.

Cheesegrapeschutney · 26/05/2026 10:57

Interested in all the posters expressing faux concern about the impact on the female therapist of people being concerned about her having a racist husband.

Wonder why that faux concern for womens' autonomy sounds familiar 🤔

Cheesegrapeschutney · 26/05/2026 10:55

Paganpentacle · 26/05/2026 09:28

Just wondering how far you're willing to take this?
I mean... do you take into account the PERSONAL views of your GP? Dentist? Physio?
No- because you don't know them- just like you don't know the personal views of your therapist.
And even if you did...
A- none of your business.
B- its a totally separate issue as to how well she does her job.

Therapy is different though, because therapy deals with right and wrong, morality, behaviour, processing adverse experiences (potentially themes like ostracization, family separation, refugee experiences) etc. A therapist being sympathetic to a xenophobic racist (in this case her husband) is likely to indicate a bias against supporting people through some of those issues.

Dentists and physios deal with teeth and body parts - it's not ideal if they have some issues with their moral compass but not a showstopper in the same way.

Allisnotlost1 · 26/05/2026 10:55

OtterandaRock · 26/05/2026 10:44

Third and last time I am posting this. Seeing how Mumsnetters can organise around DV issues and women's rights, I pray that some at least will be organising French Resistance or Underground Railroad style.

Praying that "oh dear" and pouring a glass of wine while rewatching The Sound of Music or The Diary of Anne Frank will not be the response.

Sisters, please do not wait to be 'surprised'.

Have you read about the Minnesota honey trap?

HRTQueen · 26/05/2026 10:52

Whyherewego · 25/05/2026 18:23

You can stop seeing a therapist for any reason. It doesn't matter how unreasonable it is to other people. It's an intimate relationship and you have to have total confidence and trust in them. Now of course she is a professional and I am sure her husband's politics don't bring any bearing to her professional practice. But again it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, you should do whatever makes you comfortable

^

If you are not comfortable with your therapist because of her associations then what are you going to gain from therapy.

You are not in therapy to broaden your horizons and challenge views you have on people who are supportive of a party that is lead by a racist, that stirs racism and hate who has very dubious means of gaining wealth. If this was part of your therapy then crack on but I am guessing it isn't

OtterandaRock · 26/05/2026 10:51

Freud2 · 26/05/2026 10:49

But they've been ahead of all the polls in the past year or so.

Untrue.
Bold statements and then waiting for others to factfind and exhaust themselves.
Energy vampire political tactics.
So far so MAGA.

Freud2 · 26/05/2026 10:49

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 26/05/2026 07:51

If I was unfortunate enough to have friends who voted Reform, then it would be no loss at all to lose them.

But none of my friends would dream of voting Reform anyway, because they are decent people.

I do know plenty of Reform voters but they are not the types of people that I would ever aspire to be friends with.

Support for Reform is currently sitting at around 26% in the polls. They are far from a majority.

But they've been ahead of all the polls in the past year or so.

LuckyHazelFox · 26/05/2026 10:49

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 26/05/2026 09:38

What do you mean by that? What do you think the therapist should do if she sees this thread?

Save her client anymore mental anguish and suggest she finds another therapist.

LuckyHazelFox · 26/05/2026 10:47

Sorry @allsorts That was meant for @allisnotlost1 I know exactly what fascism is, where it started and how it's ended up. You disagree? Fine.

Alana01 · 26/05/2026 10:47

YANBU. If you feel uncomfortable with a therapist (doesn't matter what the reason is) then you aren't going to get much out of the therapy. Better to find someone you feel comfortable with.

OtterandaRock · 26/05/2026 10:44

OtterandaRock · 26/05/2026 00:20

Is anyone planning to help friends, neighbours, relatives, and colleagues who would be at risk of deportation under a Reform government? Or will it be head down, business as usual, and post-pandemic-practised detachment?

Maybe the therapist will help her clients find resilience and self-respect no matter how complicit they are in persecution or cleansing.

How to Survive the Society my Husband Fucked Up, in 12 £90-pound sessions.

Edited

Third and last time I am posting this. Seeing how Mumsnetters can organise around DV issues and women's rights, I pray that some at least will be organising French Resistance or Underground Railroad style.

Praying that "oh dear" and pouring a glass of wine while rewatching The Sound of Music or The Diary of Anne Frank will not be the response.

Sisters, please do not wait to be 'surprised'.

TallSturdyGirl · 26/05/2026 10:25

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 09:43

Teenage boys say dumb things. Even the boys of today. Racial banter is a thing that young boys do. How someone acts and behaves in adult life is a completely different matter.

I have 3 boys (2 still teenagers) and a teenage daughter. They have loads of mates who I know really well. I listen to them banter with each other in the house, online when they think we can't hear, and when they were younger, I used to monitor their phones a lot. All that time, I only once heard any of their friends say anything racist (in fact my son brought it to me as he was shocked). The kid was 10 years old and all the rest to their friends, called him out on it, he lost his phone for a month, school got involved and he lost friends over it.
Maybe it's different because we live in a very multicultural area.And half their mates aren't white.
Anyway I stand by the fact that you can't have racist "banter" you just have racism.

Misnofitness · 26/05/2026 10:24

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 10:20

Again party wise what's racist about their policies?

All parties have had unscrupulous people at the local level.

Exactly - would she say the same about the Green Party who have members who think Jews should be in an oven?

Misnofitness · 26/05/2026 10:23

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 26/05/2026 09:57

And when the North Sea fuel is all gone, what then?

Edited

Renewable energy is a goal but not achievable right now.
if everyone had an electric car tomorrow than the grid would not cope.
we need fossil fuels in the interim and we need them cheaply.
we need better ways of having renewable energy that doesn’t result in the deaths of African children down mines.

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 10:20

bafta16 · 26/05/2026 09:13

I am neither a delight nor a monster. I am first and foremost a human being, as are those demonised and despised by Farage and his ilk.

No, I don't respect racists. Never have, never will.

Again party wise what's racist about their policies?

All parties have had unscrupulous people at the local level.

EasternStandard · 26/05/2026 10:08

Dr0pkick · 26/05/2026 09:14

If she sympathises with her husbands views she shouldn’t be a therapist.

She can be of course, and the op can use someone else.

OneStarAwake · 26/05/2026 10:06

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 09:43

Teenage boys say dumb things. Even the boys of today. Racial banter is a thing that young boys do. How someone acts and behaves in adult life is a completely different matter.

What a load of tosh. "Racial banter" is something that racist young boys, who possibly have been raised by racist parents, do.

I bet you minimise Kenyon's foul misogyny s banter too.

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 10:05

Freud2 · 26/05/2026 09:06

Explain limiting women's rights? Reform are interested in the French system where it's insurance based but free to those who can't afford it. Their health system is well known to be efficient. What's the difference between paying a premium or Labour putting our taxes up to pay for the NHS?

I'd rather have these social insurance models than our NHS.

TheGreatDownandOut · 26/05/2026 10:00

5128gap · 26/05/2026 09:54

On lampposts. It causes damage due to additional weight and wind factors.
Anywhere very high without correct H&S precautions. A man died hanging a flag.
Near motorways and roads where they are liable to fly off and form a hazard to motorists.
Anywhere that is not set up for the purpose, or on private property with no danger to the public or wildlife.
They present a nuisance and a risk that costs the local tax payer to address.

Edited

All fair points, as long as you agree that the same can be said about hanging ANY flag

Youhadrambledonfor18pages · 26/05/2026 09:57

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 09:52

Reform will not hinder the north sea and will scrap carbon taxes and green levies that increase the end user cost of energy. It will bring energy costs down (highest in Europe)

And when the North Sea fuel is all gone, what then?

5128gap · 26/05/2026 09:54

TheGreatDownandOut · 26/05/2026 09:47

So where is an inappropriate place to hang them?

On lampposts. It causes damage due to additional weight and wind factors.
Anywhere very high without correct H&S precautions. A man died hanging a flag.
Near motorways and roads where they are liable to fly off and form a hazard to motorists.
Anywhere that is not set up for the purpose, or on private property with no danger to the public or wildlife.
They present a nuisance and a risk that costs the local tax payer to address.

TheGreatDownandOut · 26/05/2026 09:53

The OP can choose to stop seeing their therapist for any reason they choose. I just happen to think this is cutting off their nose to spite their face and the posting about it (including the comments on driving an EV and having solar panels Confused) smacks of virtue signalling.

Gofnfnf · 26/05/2026 09:52

Allisnotlost1 · 26/05/2026 08:53

3 cases, vs 15 plus the multiple from the prior elections doesn’t really compare. But you will choose your own evidence.

I haven’t shifted on anything - I pointed out the implication of your words, and you seem not to like them when they come from someone else. If people are voting for a party because they think people don’t like them, that’s irrational. I don’t believe that’s what people are voting for Reform, but clearly you do as you’ve repeated it throughout the thread.

Those are not policies, they are statements. How do reform plan to increase domestic energy production? What does tougher on crime mean - more police, longer sentences, different sentences, make more things a crime? Lower taxes ‘where possible’? What are the possible conditions that will need to be met to lower taxes?

For me, rough around the edges isn’t something I’d vote for. People are welcome to, but it’s a bit embarrassing to have no clarity after so long and if people are comfortable with that it does say something about their expectations and understanding of government.

Anyway, the point of the thread is about choice. OP has made the choice that this therapist is not for her. Would you choose a therapist with different values to you? Say, if the partner of the school you’ve complained about was a therapist, you’d continue to see them? I’d guess not and that would be reasonable.

Reform will not hinder the north sea and will scrap carbon taxes and green levies that increase the end user cost of energy. It will bring energy costs down (highest in Europe)

StartingFreshFor2026 · 26/05/2026 09:48

DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 25/05/2026 18:23

YABU. Would you request another cashier at a shop if their partner voted Reform?

I don't think it's exactly equivalent.

bafta16 · 26/05/2026 09:48

TheGreatDownandOut · 26/05/2026 09:47

So where is an inappropriate place to hang them?

Outside Hotels which have been repurposed to house migrants. Rows and rows of them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread