How can I turn down uninvited siblings politely from nieces 9th birthday party?

I would be very brief and to the point. I absolutely would not suggest that it would be possible for the CF parents to pay for siblings and supervise them themselves. That is wide open for them to push the sibling into the main party group to avail themselves of everything on offer. Which they will do as they’ve already established that they’re CFs.

Just reply saying “sure they can come the cost is x per head you can pay for them when you arrive”. I’d also if you could afford it and want to organise some party bags the children will definitely want one!!

Mine have been brilliant too since toddler hood.
But they cant control other children around them . One had a serious reaction after a child (the party hosts child in fact) threw some cheesy wotsits around

It has nothing to do with my children and their ability to take responsibility and everything to do with what I feel is fair to ask other people to take responsibility for.

But the OPs sister might not want the school parents knowing she’s had an operation, or that the family is under stress.

The scope for school parent gossip is wide open on that one.

When mine were at the party stage fortunately it was highly unusual to be asked if any extras could come. There was one mum at my DCs' school who had 5 children, had seen everything and took no nonsense. She had a party at the local leisure centre and a parent dropped off an uninvited sibling and left. This mum simply refused to have anything to do with the extra child and left her sitting at Reception. The staff even tried to bring the extra DC to the party group and the mum absolutely refused, calling them very irresponsible for asking her to look after a total stranger when she had as many children as she was confident that she and her helpers could safely supervise. The CF mum was livid when she returned and found her child sitting bored at Reception with the staff threatening to call the Police.

The party mum became a legend in the area (she was already impressive) and the Leisure Centre thereafter insisted on a list of attendees and refused to allow any child through the barrier to a party without the express permission of whoever had booked the party.

Absolutely spot on.

also - I find it so rude that parents do this!! Surely they know when they accept.

even will hall parties it’s still rude - but this is really pushing it. It’s the expectation and way it’s written too!

I think this is the best message. No 'sorry' and also emphasising that the family has enough stress at the moment and don't need anymore.

The fucking cheek, demanding an extra meal be paid for to accomodate an uninvited guest! You are in the perfect position to tell them all to get to fuck, OP, do it for your sister!

We had one mum who was notorious for turning up with her two feral boys to every party. What one got, the other one had to have and she was too spineless to say no. They also ruined every event with their appalling behaviour, whether or not she stayed, so they were the sole reason class parties ended in two different year groups in that school. Made life a lot easier in the run to just have small parties with kids my children were actually good friends with and their (mostly) reasonable parents.

Party bags can get in the bin as well.

She was always pretty good about just not having anything that she thought she might react to rather than be ill at a party. If there was say an ice cream cake and she had felt unwell or had a reaction after ice cream a different time then she wouldn’t have the ice cream. She wanted to be at the party and having a good time.

As it's a drop and run party, the parents who are staying that siblings need to attend, make no sense!

Of course they don't.

Say this:

"So sorry but my sister has only booked the activity and the food afterwards for niece's (insert name here) friends. And we don't have enough adults able to supervise, to deal with additional guests.

While siblings are welcome to join the group, we will need you to pay both for the activity and their meal, and to stick around to supervise."

Job's a good'un!

My small children's party hosting days are well in my rear view mirror so I don't have anything to add to what's already been said, @Mermaid, but I did want to say you sound like a diamond sister/ auntie and your sister and niece are SOOOO lucky to have you xxx

Was coming on to basically say this.

re the party bags. Ignore that comment and don’t worry!

That's fine if that suited you. I always felt it was far too much to ask the party host to be responsible for on top of everything else so I always stayed on site or nearby as a kindness to the party host as much as anything, they have enough on their plate .

My children have always been very responsible for their allergies but the reality is they have reacted to food from skin contact so birthday parties were high risk occasions

"I am hosting Amy's party as her mum (my sister is ill). The party activity and meal afterwards have been booked and paid, for the specific number of children invited. We are not expecting carers to stay and have calculated adult:child ratio accordingly. I'm sorry but we can't accommodate additional siblings. "

If the venue is open to the public and these people could attend with their other DC anyway you could remind them of that. But it's not fair to try to shoehorn unknown kids into your neice's birthday activity. Don't worry about being blunt. You don't know these people and probably won't ever have to see them again.

At 9 years old parents don't expect to stay at a party. Is the venue out of the way and parents feel they have to hang around with their other children? There is obviously a food outlet nearby.

Either this, or

“I can arrange for extra children not invited by my niece, on payment of £30 to cover the cost of the activity and meal. Please send to - give account or PayPal details.

Please transfer the money or come with the cash, otherwise, I will not be able to host either of your children.”

Why do they even need to bring the siblings? If the adults don’t need to stay for the party then they don’t need childcare - they can look after the uninvited sibling at home themselves.

”My sister has organised and paid for the invited children only, and I will be taking them out for a meal afterwards so we won’t be providing food for siblings. It’s not a problem though as since it’s a drop off party, you can drop X at the venue and then head off so no need for siblings to hang around with you.”

It's also that a child of different age often will take relatively more time to look after.

Younger, may need extra support.
Older, may dominate - I remember one party (not my dc's) where an uninvited sibling joined in and won all the games, and jeered at the other children for not winning - he even grabbed the pass the parcel out of the winner's hands, and then had a full on temper tantrum when told to hand it back (he was 8 at the time, so more than old enough to understand).

It is a longstanding tradition, yes, but many parents don't like them and they are not mandatory.

They're usually just full of plastic tat that ends up in the bin in any case.

Can someone explain to me why are party bags “expected”? Is this a longstanding tradition? What do they entail?

I agree this is a clear message but I’ve been burned before even after sending similar.

The party was in a soft play area and there was a private room booked for the food for the guests. When it was time for the meal, the CF parent just brought the uninvited siblings into the room and sat them down at the table. The staff went and got extra chairs for the two of them. Of course there was no extra food provided ( it was on trays in the middle of the table for the kids to help themselves ) but the venue charged me for the 2 extra.

Then the uninvited siblings lined up with the others for party bags, so we were two short. The birthday child didn’t get one at all as she gave it to one of the extras. The other extra child burst into tears and the mum was drawing me dirty looks.

So I ended up paying for two extra meals, my child got no party bag , I was stressed and the CF mum was bitching about me to everyone. So pretty much lose lose for us.

After that I never said “ yes they can stay but you need to pay and supervise etc”. Because you are trusting CF parents not to be CF.

Can’t see a problem if they’re happy to pay for the siblings activity, food and look after them at the party.

Maybe the birthday child just wants her own friends at her party and doesn't want a lot of extras who might end up outnumbering the invited guests.

It is OK to be a little bit blunt, so long as you are not actually insulting. These people are cheeky fuckers who are after a freebie on the principle of "don't ask don't get" and they are chancing their arm that you will have too little self-esteem to say no.

"I'm sorry but the numbers are finalised and only the invited guest child can attend, not any siblings. It's a shame if you decide that means your child can't come but we cannot take any extras"

“Just to clarify, I’m not expecting any parents to stay - you can just drop your children off at the venue at [2pm] and collect them again at [4pm]. We won’t be able to accommodate siblings, so you’ll need to take them home with you.

And just to manage expectations, with everything going on with Amy’s mum there won’t be party bags - we’re just doing cake at the fast food place after the meal.

Amy’s looking forward to seeing all her friends there!”

One that ends in Off, perhaps?!

A short very blunt reply is best for cheeky fuckers like that as otherwise they’ll try to argue and cajole.