How can I turn down uninvited siblings politely from nieces 9th birthday party?

No siblings can be accommodated - totally understand if this means Sally can no longer attend. Feel free to drop her off unaccompanied though :) I’m sure she’ll be fine.

If siblings have to attend then the parent stays and pays for that sibling. If there is left over food, sure the child can eat some but they aren’t part of the party

The response to any sibling has to attend too bullshit is "that isn't possible and we understand that you therefore cannot attend".

Take it out of the CF's hands.
My friend did this, the mother never replied so she took it the child wasn't coming and adjusted her final numbers.

The mother turned up and as the child wasn't on the list, no entry.
My friend has 4 children, this was her youngest, and she was ruthless.
One mark on your card for this type of cheeky fxxkery and you were done for.

This is really rude behaviour.
Decent people don't do this, hence they can be dealt with brutally IMO.

Even worse to do it in these circumstances.

“Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate any extra children in addition to those invited. You are welcome to drop off invited child and come back to collect them at X time. Thanks for understanding”

done

On the party bag issue if you think you would be embarrassed to say we're not doing party bags you could buy some bags they are cheap and put a slice of the birthday cake and a lollipop or equivalent in it. Hand it to them as they leave job done but it's fine not to do party bags.

I think you're a great sister stepping in to help out, and I would be feeling similarily if I had been put in that position. Lots of good responses already (though a few seem to miss the fact that you cannot be responsible for any additional children, even if the parent pays for them - I'd not be willing to do this either esp as they might be younger).

The thing I wanted to add is that I used to find party bags a nightmare, often full of plastic tat that ended up being chucked away, and left me feeling awful about the impact on the environment. A few people have suggested a bowl with some small haribo packets in it and I think that is a really good idea. A big pack of the individially wrapped bags (not good for the environment, but we can't be perfect) is about £2-3 and I know my kids would have been happy with that and a slice of cake, esp if they had done an activity at the party.

Good luck, and I hope it all goes well and that your sister recovers quickly.

I think I’ve been very lucky that this never happened to me ( DC are now both late twenties) but I think you need to be both firm and very direct without feeling the need to justify yourself:

Hi Cheeky Mother.

Just to clarify a couple of things:

• The party is drop off and pick up so no need for you to stay.
• We cannot accommodate siblings either for food or supervision. The party is for invited guests only.

Thank you for your understanding,

I would normally absolutely sweat over the tone of a message like that and would be falling over myself to apologise and be ‘nice’, but these mums have got such a nerve asking for siblings to be included in the way they did I honestly wouldn’t care!

I'm agog at the legendary woman @MPforTitipu knows - well done that woman!

Sausage's message is excellent, as is Havoc's. I might even be more specific - "We can't accommodate Lucy/Jess, so if that means Suzie/Katy can't make the party, please let me know by Tuesday."

I'd go with the mini bag of haribo myself - I used to put the packets in a bowl and let them take one each like they were trick or treating.

If possible offer to take the two children with you so their parents don’t need to take them. It might be that the parents want to entertain the sibling as it is half term but that is not your problem.

I think party bags are not necessary after an activity, fast food and cake. If anything cut the cake and give as the party bag to take home if they are already eating food after.

This is perfect.

You always get some cheeky parents wanting to bring siblings.

Also cheeky to expect a party bag.

OP shouldn’t feel any pressure to provide a party bag.
the guests are having an activity, food and cake to take home. That’s plenty to make the kids happy.

Absolutely!

Or put the cake in a pb!

Who would be looking after the kid if the party wasn't on?

I has this happen once and the mum really wouldn't take no for an answer. We went back and forth over it for a full week

just tell them to drop the invited child off, no need for siblings to gatecrash.

I once hosted a swimming party and one parent turned up with 3 kids and no swim stuff.., luckily the pool lent them spares from the lost property… then the parents fucked off and left their kids (who couldn’t swim), I was so stressed!

“Really sorry but we just can’t accommodate siblings. The venue has been pre-booked and as you know [sister] is unwell. If this means Katy can’t come, don’t worry, we will explain this to [niece] and I am sure they can catch up another time. Thanks for your understanding.”

If OP's sister wasn't planning to do party bags, I'm certain there's no need for her to do them in her stead, unless she just wants to (which she's made fairly clear she does not).

Good luck, OP! You've had some strong suggestions for how to word your message to these CF parents. Try not to worry about awkwardness. If there is any, it's entirely of their own making!

There’s absolutely no reason why no party bags will make the end of the party a bit awkward.

OP shouldn’t feel any pressure to provide a party bag.

the guests are having an activity, food and cake to take home. That’s plenty to make the kids happy.

Yes some are CF’s and use these events as free childcare oblivious to cost etc.

The worst I had was a grandmother who turned up with grandchild. It was a soft play party from nursery and I already had two children under 3 and was doing the buffet food myself. The invited clearly asked parents to stay as it was a 3rd birthday party (so most would stay automatically (I was also laying on hot drinks and tray bakes for parents). This grandmother turned up and said she wasn’t staying is that ok as they really want to go the party. I said not really as they are all so young and I have enough on. She dragged the child away and said the only reason we said he could go was because it was free childcare.

Absolutely as many other people have said, there is no reason for childcare issues if its a drop and leave the kids party, as it sounds like it is. The parents sound like they are trying to make their lives easier without the siblings feeling 'left out', or to give themselves child free time. Neither of these are your responsibility. The first suggestion of message is great, make it clear its no siblings. They are very unreasonable for assuming they are ok to drop uninvited guests to a party.

The only exception would be if one of the invited children had a medical condition/allergy that needed the parent present. They may not have a second parent around for another sibling. But this should be addressed specifically, and if acceptable they should pay for the other child (my youngest is diabetic, so would need me to stay at parties when he is 9 as I wouldn't expect the person running the party to manage his blood sugar, but would have to stay and accompany him at parties, or he won't be able to go alone).

Hope they get the message and that the party goes well!

“Please don’t worry, this is a drop and leave party so you can just drop Katy off. My sister booked and paid for X amount of guests and we cannot increase this number. However, this is an open venue, so if you wanted to supervise and pay for Jess to go at the same time, this is an option for you - although I am sorry she won’t have a meal booked at the party table but they do serve food there.”

I have an 8 year old and it’s very much the norm to drop at parties and not stay. Just clarify arrangements as suggested by others.no party bags will make the end of the party a bit awkward. If you can stretch to £20-30 you could rustle up some. Just needs some tattoos and slime or something to make the kids happy.

First replied nailed it!

From the pov that, I didn't book it, don't know what changes can be made and am just to helping out so it doesn't get cancelled. 🤷‍♀️

They are getting a slice of cake to take home with them!

This and add one more line saying something like "there's a WA group, if you post there I'm sure someone will be able to give (invited child) a lift." This should minimise the stress of them showing up on the day with the sibling. It provides a different solution to the one they want, but it isn't one they can really argue against.