Partner lying in bed on hottest day of the year …would you be annoyed ?

This is one of the most mental posts I’ve read on here

YANBU OP. My ex DH has passed away now, but in the years we were married he worked 6 days a week for over 40 years so the one day off was OUR time not his time. On most Sundays ( his day off) I would ask him to finish off any DIY jobs that needed doing which I couldn't do myself, but always asked him for a treat on Sunday afternoons to surprise me by taking me somewhere. For years we used to visit various places which I enjoyed but gradually became more selfish complaining about feeling tired or needing time to himself. Despite getting up later on his day off and allowing him a couple of hours to watch his grotty football highlights in the evening, he still couldn't be bothered to keep to basic time tables I gave him for the day of jobs that needed doing or my afternoon treat.

On weekdays when I met friends for coffee and a natter, I discovered equally horrific behaviour from the other DHs and even worse. Sorry he won't change, my advice is LTB and make sure you get a good solicitor. In circumstances like this it is always best to get your ducks in a row so to speak. It is pointless mansplaining to him, men don't tend to have the intelligence to understand their selfish ways so why bother. Under new legislation, his behaviour could be deemed as emotionally coercive so worth considering to report - perhaps not to police but there is advice out there. My DH provided for everything financially but on the one day he had off couldn't be bothered to take into account MY feelings and emotional needs. I don't miss him and sometimes wish I had made different life choices.

Do you work OP? Ok leaving gig early must have been annoying but I don't get the obsession with having to go out and "do something" when it's hot

I'm sorry but you both had to leave a gig you wanted to be at because he had a sore throat? And this sore throat magically disappeared the very next day so he could have a day at the football? Bollocks to that OP. You should've gone to the beach or car boot on your own and left the twat at home. Don't let him ruin your plans again!

I totally agree.
Nevertheless, I'd have to split up with him as he's a 'footie' fan. 😁
Not keen on rugby fans, either.
Nor cricket.
The last might be tolerable, though, provided good in other ways.

Get a tow float and go to the beach. All your valuables go in the waterproof bag attached to your waist.
Can never understand couples who are joined at the hip/can’t do things alone.
A friend of mine cancelled a weekend they absolutely love going to, as his new wife had an interview on one of the days.
So they just sat in all weekend together and did nothing, for the sake of her interview.

She could have done that and he gone to the event they had planned.
Or she join him the next day. An area easily accessible by public transport, on the edge of London.
Madness!

Maybe he didn't really fancy the gig but She Who Must Be Obeyed had said they were going.

Yes I would be annoyed that he ducked out of the gig you'd gone to together but was ok for football yesterday.

With him having a six day working week and bank holidays off being rare for him, I wouldn't begrudge him spending today as he chooses.

I would leave him to it. He isn't feeling great and it is too hot to do anything anyway. I was off on Fri, Sat, Sun and spent a fair bit of time sitting outside reading (I am alone and it has been bliss). Today I am inside with the doors and windows shut and some of the blinds closed. I get that it is annoying that you had plans but working 6 days is tough and he probably made himself worse by pushing through yesterday to do the thing he wanted to do. Does he even like the heat? Going to the beach today would be my worst nightmare!

The gig would've really annoyed me, not cheap and often years before bands come and play again

Why did op leave then? I went to a gig with dh recently and it was so bloody loud that I left half an hour in. No way I expected him to leave with me, he'd been looking forward to it. He didn't need me there to hold his hand.

Leave him to sulk in bed

Maybe he's not sulking. Maybe he's just relieved to be left alone.

I would be annoyed. It's not the one or the other, it's the using the sore throat as an excuse to not do things with you when he's obviously not so sick he can't do the things he likes.

If this isn't a one off, I would start to wonder if you are really compatible and have enough in common for a happy life together. Whether he went along with everything in the beginning just to cement the relationship and now the honeymoon period's worn off you're just a fixture in his life - if this is who he is and he isn't really prepared to go out of his way at all for you?

YABU about sleeping in - I was in bed until 12 because I sleep terribly. These are my times to try and claw back sleep. Also I don't want to spend my time in packed beer gardens, stuck on roads trying to get to the coast etc etc. We go a bit mental on nice days in this country. YANBU - Definitely would not have home before the main event though.

It's annoying when your partner doesn't want to join in with the day, because more often than not it leaves you doing something on your own, if you didn't know in advance. However, in this heat he might be better off indoors, especially if he's not totally well. These are dangerous temps, imo. Hope he has a fan.

what a delightful person you are..id hardly call a man who works 6 days a week to keep his superficial wife happy a loser...

Maybe he didn’t actually want to go to the concert, and probably doesn’t want to go to a car boot sale. If they are things you want to do you should crack on without him.

If I’m not feeling great, there’s no way I’m dragging myself to something I have no interest in.

BTW, I’m lying on the couch with all the windows open as it’s too hot outside.

The whole point for the op is that this cold has been too bad to spend the time allocated to her, but absolutely not too bad at all to go to football all day

Not sure about this. Sometimes if you have a virus or something you feel a bit better next day and then overdo it and make yourself worse. Dh is always doing it however much I warn him. I've done it myself too, especially if there's something you don't want to miss. I think it's a fairly commonplace occurrence.
I wouldn't be out in this heat anyway and neither dh nor myself would try to force it on the other especially if they weren't 100%

Your an adult.

Go out.

If my partner was in bed on a beautiful day, id be up and out the door without question.

the poor bugger works 6 days a week and this is his first bank holiday off and youre calling him a selfish twat...give your head a wobble....he deserves some "him" time

I understand how you can become ill, go home early, think you are ok the next day, do too much, and then have a relapse the next day. I think we have all done it. I think its OK that he rests when he is unwell, he might have felt crappy yesterday too and powered through on pain relief and needs a day to recover now. I totally get that you were annoyed about the gig, I think either he should have struggled on to let you see the act you liked or gone home alone. If my dh was sick I'd stay out and vice versa unless you live far away.

Make some plans for a sundown picnic and drinks on the beach with him maybe? Go to a local park and read until then? He gets a lazy day, you enjoy the sun and quality time to end the day. Win win all round

👏🏿 👏🏿 👏🏿

Im old and I avoid crowded public places. I would have to be dragged to the beach in this weather by the hair. I dont even sit in the garden. Your poor DH probably needs a day to wind down. So why not go to the car boot sale or the park on your own? This would teach him that you are quite capable of functioning on your own - something I have done all my life. I dont need a man to squire me around. Nor do you.

Its a bit depressing to be in bed all day on a sunny day. Cant he just take a day nurse and hang out with his chosen life partner

i actually don’t but that it matters that he enjoyed the football yesterday. Can’t we all muster up energy for the stuff we want to do and love? What’s wrong with that?

if I was ill and knew I had to be in work tomorrow I would absolutely be spending today recovering I’m afraid.

I really don’t expect that I’m responsible for another adults bank holiday.