4th baby at 40

I think it depends on how you envisage the next 10-15 years logistically. We have three and it’s very full on, but just about manageable! The people I know with four either have an army of help (Nannies, cleaners, and high earning jobs x2), or they’re very family oriented with one SAHP, a bit more “make do and mend” attitude and slightly chaotic. Generalisation but the trends I’ve seen!

Not sure how old yours are but are you happy with your weekends being clubs, birthday parties, teaching them to ride a bike etc x4 for many many years? I love my kids more than anything but third time round I was tired of baby classes and certain things that were more fun the first two times. Can’t imagine doing it again!

You’re being very blasé about this. Your luck may run out.

So will you want a 5th after number 4?

What about concentrating on the DC you have? How much time does your DH get to spend with each DC?

I think finances are the biggest factor. I have to buy my kids new shoes every four months or so because of growing feet. Could you afford that by four? The expense of four kids is huge.

I have three. I would have tried for a fourth had I not had a v high risk of twins (already had one set).

Now they are all late teens am v glad I didn’t. @Newbookandcupofcoffee describes my opinion perfectly. My teens are gorgeous gorgeous people but parenting is hard at this stage of life and expensive and having three is A LOT.

If you can afford it go for it. My sister is a wonderful mother to 4 kids, they want for nothing, because her husband is high earning she can stay home with them comfortably. They all want for nothing both materially and emotionally and are such a close knit gang. I never wanted more than 2(which I have) but sometimes looking at hers I feel a little pang of maybe I should have had more.

If you have this baby, how do you know you won’t still want just one more?

Are you just putting off returning to work?

Can you afford to put 4 through university?

Your age isn’t an issue but the fact that it’s your 4th may be, unless you’re absolutely rolling in it.

Wasn’t suggesting mine were hellions (!?)but normal teenagers who are NT and even so it’s an absolute slog at times - but the things listed are factors which you as a parent have no control over
nice or not exams, stress, hormones etc all teens go through - times that by 4 well …
anyway you’ve breezed through it all - that’s not a universal experience either and a mum with young kids cannot envision teens IMHO

That's because your 3rd is still a potato 🤣

We’re in very similar positions OP and I really relate to how you’re feeling, so following with interest! Same age, 3 kids, 3 c sections, youngest is 5 months old, a big part of me would love to try for a fourth. Don’t feel like I have any wisdom to add but I hope you find clarity. There’s so much to weigh up. One thing worth noting is I think the recommended 18 month gap is between your last c section and getting pregnant again, not between two c sections. But still wouldn’t add masses of time.

Years ago I would have said go for it, however ive now got three teenagers (with a two year age gap between each) and I would say maybe not. Its physically exhausting when they are young but ive found its very mentally exhausting having teens, for me the shift has been from being exhausted running after small kids to now worrying alot about their mental health and their adult lives. Plus teens are very expensive. But you know your own life and your own ability so what I find stressful you could find a breeze!

One of my friends was in your position. She decided to go for number 4. Who turned out to be numbers 4 and 5. Apparently twins are more likely over 40.

Its too hot to think about having another kid

Get yourself next to a fan, eat a magnum and thank fuck you arent pregnant

I don’t think 40 is too old!

But you mentioned a few factors such as 4th c section, money would be tighter / cutting back on holidays. I would personally stick at 3 x

I don’t think the age is the huge issue, plenty of folk start their families later these days and have a baby at say 38 and 40.

For me it would be the stretch- financially, emotionally, logistically as the kids get older. How old are your eldest two now?

We have 3. Now 12, 9 and 6. In my baby bubble 6 years ago we hadn’t ruled out a 4th close to the 3rd. I was 34 when I had our 3rd. We decided to stick at 3 as costs started rising sharply after baby no.3 and I’m so glad we did.

It makes a huge difference to quality of life for older 2 in particular. Their needs have shifted a lot since they were 6 and 3 when baby no.3 born. They are much more expensive these days with hobbies, clothes, activities with friends etc. Need taking to more places that I would find a massive pain with lots of littles in tow.

Your existing 3 children may well benefit more from you being able to bring additional income into the house as youngest gets older rather than another sibling.

That’s how we’ve kept pace, me working more as they’ve got older (I was very part time when they were tiny).

I work about 30 hours now so have good balance of being there for them most days after school and also being able to say yes to horse riding/ sports/ holidays/ bday parties/ school residentials/ days out etc etc. Things would be much tighter if we’d had another and delayed me going to work more/ youngest in school.

I think when they are under 8-10 they don’t care/ notice what they haven’t got as much. 10+ defo appreciate they have lots of great opportunities and experiences. So for us it was more about what’s best for the 3 we have got, rather than my maternal desire. I don’t regret it now at 40 or feel I’ve missed out now that ship has sailed for us with youngest being 6.

Good luck whatever you decide xxx