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Original poster

Would you judge self harm scars?

216 replies

AliceAbsolum · 25/05/2026 08:14

Had a hard time as a young person, unfortunately used self harm to cope and now I have hundreds of visible old self harm scars down both arms. Impossible to hide without long sleeves.

Fast-forward 20 years and I live in a niace part of Surrey with DD and DH, Surrey mummy's you know. However....with the weather getting nicer I just cant wear long sleeves everywhere, nor do I want too.

We moved house recently and our road is having an afternoon tea thing today - I'm just going to have to turn up and deal with the looks aren't' I?

What would you think if you saw a 40 year old with old, but significant self harm scars?

OP posts:
Esmeraldathe3rd · 25/05/2026 08:21

God no. Literally what is there to judge? You've had struggles? I judge people with nazi tattoos.

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 25/05/2026 08:21

Nottopanic · 25/05/2026 08:19

Well, you can choose to wear long sleeves. I always wear long sleeves - nothing to do with self-harm. Or you wear short sleeves. Which option will make you feel better? It sounds like you want the short sleeves. Are the scars more noticeable to you than other people?

No, they're pretty noticeable

OP posts:
CoyGoldenKoi · 25/05/2026 08:20

I've got lots of friends who have extensive old (& occasionally newer) self harm scars.

First time I saw them I thought "oh, you must have had a tough time as a kid/younger person".

If there are ever any fresh ones, I generally ask what's going on for them, if we're close, or just feel sympathy if we're not close enough that I'm not 100% sure that they welcome the care.

Other than that, I no longer think about them at all.
Don't feel bad about it, anyone who judges, that's their problem, not at all yours.

Bananadramatic · 25/05/2026 08:20

Never. We never have any idea what someone has been through and what challenges they may have faced.

And if it helps, I live in a naice part of SE England myself. I don't think my neighbours would judge either.

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 25/05/2026 08:20

Oh wow, thats so lovely to read. I expected different replies. Thank you everyone. Got something in my eye now...

OP posts:
Nottopanic · 25/05/2026 08:19

Well, you can choose to wear long sleeves. I always wear long sleeves - nothing to do with self-harm. Or you wear short sleeves. Which option will make you feel better? It sounds like you want the short sleeves. Are the scars more noticeable to you than other people?

Perrygreen · 25/05/2026 08:19

I don't judge but then again mine have been covered for almost 40 years.

Funnily enough I was googling scar removal yesterday as I'm fed up having to hide them at the beach.

Mull · 25/05/2026 08:19

I would look as I probably wouldn’t understand what they were to start with but, once I understood, no judgement from me.

Interesting though as we were served by a waiter with significant scars recently and the DC asked us lots of questions about it. They are too young to understand and I wished the waiter had covered up so I didn’t have to discuss it with young DC so maybe I’m more judgemental than I think?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 25/05/2026 08:18

I would think you have a hard time when younger, and then think nothing more of it. And I’m sure most ‘Surrey mummy’s’ won’t think anymore of it either. I hope you have a lovely day and go for the long sleeves OP

cariadlet · 25/05/2026 08:18

I would feel sympathy but not judge. If I saw a lot of self-harm scars, I would think that someone had been through a very tough time. If they were clearly very old, I would feel relieved for the person and hope that they were now in a better place.

I haven't voted as I didn't understand the voting for this post.

AOBMGB · 25/05/2026 08:18

I would just think you’re a strong person to overcome your problems and admire you for it! I’m sure people wouldn’t think twice about it OP, these things always seem bigger in our own heads. Enjoy the sun!

BruceAndNosh · 25/05/2026 08:18

I'd notice and hope things were better for you now

Doodlesnoodlesdoodles · 25/05/2026 08:18

If I noticed, I would feel admiration and empathy for your courage and what you have overcome.

Drivingselfmad · 25/05/2026 08:18

I wouldn’t judge, no. Anyone who would is someone you don’t want to be friends with. Hope you manage to relax and have a nice time.

Echobelly · 25/05/2026 08:18

I wouldn't think anything other than maybe 'I guess they just have had a hard time when they were younger'.

What are you afraid people will think? Honestly, I wouldn't care about the opinion of someone unpleasant enough to judge someone for experiencing distress or depression bad enough to trigger self harm.

I am in my 40s and know several people with such scarring.

pambeesleyhalpert · 25/05/2026 08:16

I would think gosh I hope they’re in a better place now. Anyone who judges harshly isn’t your time or brain space. I do hope you’re in a better place now op xx

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