Would you judge self harm scars?

For things like this I think the MN demographic isnt always representative of wider society, @KitKatPitPats post is good, no one is going to come into this thread and say they'd judge you negatively but the reality is that people quite possibly will

Whether you can cope with that judgement is a matter for you but good luck with whatever you decide

No, never.

I would think they have had a difficult time in the past and unless they wanted to talk about it, it’s none of my business. I wouldn’t ‘judge’ you as such.

I'd be a little curious about your past and what you had endured but would definitely not judge in any way

I wouldn’t judge. As PPs have said, I would hope the person is doing is well and I would think they are very brave for having been through very hard times. Sometimes I accidentally catch myself looking if it’s someone new, just because scars look different to other skin, but it is just curiosity of the eye and not judgement

I would wear the short sleeves OP. If I saw your scars I would think you must have been through a really rough patch in the past and well done for you having turned things around.

Zero judgement here. We've all lived a life and for a some of us, our bodies tell our story in a way that's visible to others.

What I would do is maybe have a pre-prepared basic explanation that is age appropriate for a child in case someone asks, in the way that curious kids can so that you don't feel put on the spot. Just something simple like "Its from an injury I was younger" or whatever you feel comfortable with.

Hope you enjoy the sunshine 🌞

I wouldn't judge as I have some myself . Hope you're in a better place now op; and don't worry what others think of your scars. X

Yes, some people will judge but frankly they can fuck off.

This! I have very visible scars on my arms (more so in the summer as they don't tan). They are 30 years old now and I rarely think about them - I wear whatever makes me comfortable. I'm sure people have judged me but in all that time only 2 people have ever commented to my face (and one was a small child who was just curious).
There are things I regret about getting older, but having no fucks left to give is not one of them!

Do you know, my children are 24, 13 and 5 and none of them have asked about my scars, ever.

Not even my eldest. They’re just on me. I don’t even think they notice they have never known any difference.

When my ds was 20, he had a girlfriend who o saw looking at them. So I said to him, “it’s okay for her to ask about them?”

”About what?” Was his reply.

I said my scars and he was genuinely shocked, he said he didn’t notice them and it was my business anyway, and he’d tell her that. I said I didn’t mind her asking me, and he was just like, “omg, it doesn’t even matter.”

Not at all i always remember being in a&e during a mh crisis and the nurse had some self harm scars and I've honestly never felt so safe and understood with someone as I did in that moment. Im in a much better place now but I will always remember her

I know what you mean OP. I’ve got scars on my arm too and avoid short sleeves around people I know unless it’s my husband. Also got long sleeve swim suit for spa days with friends. I hate it. I don’t think people would judge me, but I think people would ask what they are / show concern and check I’m ok and that’s the kind of attention I really don’t want :( :( :( especially my parents / close friends but I just don’t want the fuss.

I certainly wouldn’t judge you

DH has some current areas which he would normally cover up, we were discussing it yesterday, he has decided to wear shorts rather then trousers in the heat. He is hoping that by not feeling ashamed by his old scars and current areas, he might feel more confident that it helps him to stop, or at least reduce his compulsion.

My SiL has very visible self harm scars. She is incredibly vocal about how she has overcome her mental health difficulties through what she always refers to as “healthy coping mechanisms”.

Now, I know that she doesn’t mean self harm, and is basically saying she’s found ways not to self harm but she never actually says that and therefore all the kids see is Aunty displaying self harm scars and telling them she has healthy ways of coping.

The big one I can explain it to. It’s harder to do for the small ones without the risk of them then blurting out “mum says you should never do that” whilst pointing at her arms (I’d hope they wouldn’t but small children are, as we all know, unpredictable.

if I’m honest, I would rather she just wore a long sleeved top.

edited to add: or wore a short sleeved top and stopped talking about it!

This. Hold your head high. Hope you're in a better place now. 🌺

Sorry didn't mean to quote anyone!🙄

I have several friends who have covered their lower arms with tattoos to make the scarring less visible, and one who is looking at needling or laser options at the moment - apparently that can help but I don't know to what extent.

If you're uncomfortable and don't want to deal with anything or anyone on some hot days, look at SPF arm covers or similar and say you just like to keep the sun off your skin - if anyone even asks!

Yes, some people will judge but frankly they can fuck off. This is who you are now, we all have scarring of some sort whether physical or psychological or both. Not all of it is visible and we keep going!

Normally no.

However there is a school mum or older sister who does the pick up at the local infant school and she comes in covered in old and relatively fresh ones arms and legs in shorts a vest top and honestly yes I judge her.

I think of all the little children seeing that daily asking questions and I’m also shocked the school haven’t had a quiet word with her. I think it must be horrible for their child/little sibling being picked up like that as well.

None of the school mums seem to talk to her thus no idea if it’s mum or sibling or hell maybe even an aunty.

A few old scars on someone’s arm is whatever though.

There are bullies and mean people in all walks of life, these women are just as likely to eliminate someone for being over weight or disabled, or not fitting some other random box that mean girls create. OP don’t worry about women like this, and certainly don’t pander to them. You will always get some horrible people out there but it doesn’t mean they deserve any brain space or that they are right.

My dd also has a lot of scars on her arms, more than I could count. She would wear long sleeves to cover them, even in front of her family.

like you, she is slowly getting into a better place and no longer harms (oh I dream of the day she will have a partner and family, she’s not ready for that yet but reading about you gives me hope). One of the big challenges was showing her scars, claiming them, being part of them.

last summer she started wearing short sleeves at home, this year she’s out and about and even went swimming yesterday.

yes she does get looks, and shes had the odd comment but so far nothing negative.

her answer is that shes claiming them, they are her, they are part of what made her who she is now. one person commented at work last week, and she just smiled and said "they were there last week only you couldnt see them, today they are on show, im still me" im so proud of her.

so may answer - go and wear a sleeveless top, and be you, and be proud.

I was thinking alone those lines it’s quite vulnerable and exposing. I wouldn’t want a load of random mums knowing that only trusted friends. It takes huge bravery to have them out though that’s the take I’d have, but not everyone is so nice!
saying that op, of these surrey mums there will be other SH or eating disorder survivors and a host of other issues you won’t know about

I do think they can be a little shocking as they are unexpected but never ever would I let someone see my reaction and I absolutely would never judge.
I would feel nothing but sympathy for what the person had been through/is going through and hope they are ok .

If anything Surrey Mummies are the demographic most likely to understand, adolescent self-harm often effects middle class 'high achieving' teenage girls, ditto eating disorders.

I would know what they are, DH wouldn’t. Neither of us would judge if you wore short sleeves. However, I know that I judged a guy who is transitioning, who wore the tiniest of shorts to a hobby class with some relatively new scars on his thighs. I don’t know if it was the shorts that caused me the discomfort or the fact that he was still self harming and happy to show off the scarring.